Dear 2015,
I am becoming concerned. You have had 11 hours and 45 minutes to impress me. And so far, the obvious lack of flying cars, hover boards, and self-tying shoes has been noticeable. This is disappointing.
Do you not understand what the future is? The movie has been out for 26 years. Why did you not prepare better for this year?
GIVE ME MY FLYING CAR.
It has been brought to my attention that perhaps the lack of flying cars is not your fault, 2015. That perhaps it is instead The Man, trying to keep us all down, because we are incapable of handling multi-dimensional navigation. Well then, I blame cell phones. If we all focused on our driving and did not try to call people up and play music and fiddle with a GPS, perhaps we would now have flying cars. Let us band together and protest smart phones. Tomorrow. Or maybe next week. Fine. Smart phones have turned out to be more useful than the futuristic “You’re Fired” fax machine. But still – don’t screw around with them while driving, people. Because it’s dangerous.
Anywho. I would also like aluminum ball caps to become a thing. And weird face painting.
Fashion people – it was all laid out for you. Project Runway: I blame you, if you would just stop calling everything you didn’t understand a “costume” we might have awesome future fashioning going on. Where is my self drying jacket, with auto-adjusting arms? WHERE?
Oh! And advertisers. While you have been sitting around coming up with the most insane ads ever, you could have been creating GIANT HOLOGRAM SHARK ADVERTISING. Where is my GIANT HOLOGRAM ADVERTISING?!
I want a freakin’ shark exploding out of every building! Imagine what holograms would do for Kool-Aid Man. He would be king among drink choices.
Fine, I will give you until October 21st, 2015: But you need to step up your game. Time’s a tickin’ and you obviously have a lot of work to do.
Love,
Joline