1. Stop Telling Me About Your Overhead Bins
Here’s the thing. In the last five years, before every single flight I have been on you have told me that you have a full flight and that I should gate check my carry on items. Airlines: you have officially cried wolf one time too many. You can’t always be full to capacity, because we no longer believe you are ever full to capacity. Not to mention, the reason people are trying to pack their entire house into carry on bags is your own damn fault. Your total disorganization at returning the bags in a timely fashion started the long slide toward carry-on bag-gate, and then you topped it off by charging people for the privilege of waiting around for 45 minutes to get their bags.
2. Blocking The Aisle With Drink Carts the Moment the Seat Belt Sign Goes Off
Flight Attendants, you have quite a long window to serve drinks. Why on God’s green earth is it necessary to jump up and immediately place a cart in front of the bathroom as soon as the seat belt sign goes off? We sit around waiting to board, then waiting for the plane to leave the gate, waiting to get to the right altitude and then the light goes off and those of us with tiny little bladders think, oh thank goodness! And bam, there you are with your giant cart, getting huffy about our need to use the restroom.
3. Doing Your Entire Job In The First 10 Minutes of the Flight
On a related note, why do you think it is right that you should complete your entire job in the first 10 minutes of the flight? Oh yes, your job is so much more than just passing out drinks. You are responsible for our safety. We know, we know. But seriously, you wander past with the drinks once these days and then whisk past us all with a garbage bag – not even pausing for the people on the window to pass you our garbage and that is it. You used to be all “can I give you a refill, more peanuts?” But not anymore. This would be less frustrating if you were also open to the use of the “attention light”, but let’s face it, you hate it when we press the button. And you always did, but you used to be a lot more attentive, so pick your poison. Be attentive and visibly enter the aisle, or don’t and be gracious when we occasionally use the button.
4. Keeping the Seat Belt Sign on for the ENTIRE Flight
The jig is up with this one airlines. We know what you are up to. You’re sick to death of us wandering the aisles, getting in the way and whatnot. So, you keep the seat belt sign on and conveniently “forget” to turn it off. And so, people ignore it. And that’s where the problem lies. Because as someone who has been through truly rough turbulence, where overhead bins popped open and bags rained terror down upon us, this is not okay. The seat belt sign should not be ignored. And you shouldn’t abuse this power and trivialize it. Bite the bullet and just start pumping some sort of sleeping gas through the entire plane if you want us to be docile cattle. Otherwise, people are going to want to stand up occasionally.
5. Stop Thanking Us For Choosing Your Airline
Look, which airline we took may have been a choice, once upon a time. We may once have thought “Oooh, Airline A has the best seats”, but that was a long, long time ago. Now, we pick you because you either have the right route, or the right price, or because we got sucked into some stupid airline points credit card, whatever. We aren’t choosing you specifically, because you all suck. And let’s face it, you all bought each other out, so it’s not like there is that much “choice” anyway. So, stop thanking us for choosing you. You are now a flying bus. No one is like “oooh, Megabus, klassy”. That’s what you are now. The Megabus of the skies. Here. I’ve even got a great logo for you:
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Featured image courtesy of Reddit