Almost As Good As Dershowitz

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Allen Garcia, the 33-year-old homeless panhandler who was arrested for selling crack to Tatum O’Neal six weeks ago, was released this week from Rikers Island, only to be stopped by immigration officials as he was walking out of the building, who delivered the bad news: he’s being deported.

Pundits from coast to coast were stunned to hear the news of the deportation, in light of O’Neal’s staunch declaration to the press six weeks ago, “I’m going to try to see if I can help him. He’s not a drug dealer. He’s a panhandler who sold drugs. I’m going to talk to my lawyer.” Long regarded for her mastery of semantics, O’Neil went on to explain that she is indeed the best person to race to the legal aid of this non-drug-dealing-panhandler-who-sells-drugs because she is not, in fact, a crackhead, but rather an actress with a head who occasionally puts crack in it. [NY Mag]

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