Last week: Walking lessons! Arguments about origins! Zendaya! Trust falls into dudes! And Justine went home! Here we go!
The models come back to the Model House. Giah interviews that Justine having to go home suddenly made this contest the real deal. Tatiana reminds us that Cody won Best Photo and is big competition. Tash is proud of her sister, but she also interviews “If she can do it, I can do it.”
Courtney interviews that the twins shouldn’t be so confident – anything can happen.
Coryanne is bummed about having been in the bottom two. She’s embarrassed because she has model friends and she’s already a signed model and should be doing better. Tatiana wants to be broken down to be built up. We’ve talked a lot about Coryanne’s supermodel mom, but she explains that she grew up mostly with her dad, so it’s not like she was raised on model tips. She also says she will never have her mom’s career and doesn’t want her mom’s career; she wants to be a star. Wait, what? That kind of talk used to get you kicked right off the old Top Model. Coryanne had better have a good cover story ready.
Rita tells the models she wants them to take in advice and critiques and get better with each photo shoot. The models deduce from this that there will be a photo shoot. There are no flies on this crop of models. Krislian worries about being boxed in as too sexy. Since that is all any judge has every said about her other than “VaVOOM!” and “AhOOHgah,” that is a legitimate fear.
Cherish announces that she knows how to take a photo, so you bet your sweet ass she’s going to blow this photo shoot out of the water. That’s quite an opportunity. I certainly hope you haven’t put your sweet ass up as collateral for something else.
Courtney is coming down with a nasty wet cough. The models all have to sleep in wall cubbies like they’re bees and the friendly nighttime chatter is making Courtney go cray. Courtney says “Hey, guys, I really need to get some sleep.” The room goes silent with umbrage. Tash interviews that Courtney has a supermodel attitude, but hasn’t quite earned it. Back in the room, other models taunt Courtney for saying she’s sick over and over and for saying she’s hurting. Cody says that everybody is hurting and going through stuff.
Courtney says “The right thing to do when someone is sick is to let them sleep.” She isn’t wrong, but she’s not reading the room well. Or at all. Marissa says that Courtney should have gone downstairs to go to sleep. Tash elaborates, saying that Courtney should have announced that she didn’t want to ruin everyone’s good time and then gone downstairs to sleep. Yes, I’m sure she wouldn’t have been called a passive-aggressive bitch if she had done that. Good call.
Courtney, who reaaaally does not know how to calm other people down, says she thinks it’s funny that they others think they’re going to stay in this competition with this attitude. What does Courtney think this competition is? The twins say Courtney is “a victim.” Marissa yells that she doesn’t have a bedtime. Courtney says she asked the others nicely if they could shut down in 15 minutes. Marissa does a somewhat saltier imitation of Courtney’s request and yells that this isn’t the Courtney show and Courtney is all about casting herself as a victim. Marissa stomps out, saying she needs to leave before she looks like the bitch in the situation. Go ahead and close that barn door behind you, Marissa.
Marissa interviews that she is very bitchy and she lets it be known when she doesn’t like someone. Well, that’s a productive thing to be proud of. Drop that one on to your resume! Courtney finally leaves as another model calls her selfish. Marissa says it’s annoying to be with a downer like Courtney. Marissa says Courtney is captivating in the face, but lacks personality.
Courtney settles in to sleep downstairs, which maybe would have been a good idea in the first place, though asking to get some sleep in the bedroom doesn’t seem hugely unreasonable. Courtney takes a moment to complain to Giah and Cherish before drifting off.
Giah interviews that people are jumping all over Courtney because she’s gorgeous and a threat, duh. And then for no discernable reason (other than camera time), Cherish goes back to the room to plead Courtney’s case for her. We cut in Tatiana interviewing that she loves that Cherish is willing to take on anything, but I don’t think it’s in reference to this. Cherish re-states Courtney’s account, then asks the other women if they really think this was the best way they could have handled it. This gets exactly the reception it deserves: The others say Courtney is a big girl and can take it and/or handle it herself. Marissa says they should all sleep on it. Oh, cruel irony!
Morning! Rita and Drew are here on the set of the next photo shoot. But hair and makeup will be a little bit more intense than usual because it’s time for the models to get their signature styles! They have created a trademark look of each model! Huzzah! Time to hand out sealed envelopes with signature look cards on them! There is no point to the envelopes since the models open them immediately.
Marissa says she’s mostly been in commercial print, and to be a supermodel you have to have “it,” so she’s ready. For it. To be given to her to have. Via a haircut. She’s excited to step it up, but hopes she can still be herself.
Tash is getting a box shave. She’s worried it’s going to be high-top fade. You cannot believe how worried. India gets “fairy dust lavender rainbow.” She is less worried.
Cherish gets “Fiery redhead” as her look, which you would think would make her happy because she has mentioned being a redhead roughly the same number of times as she has drawn breath. But no: Cherish starts bitching about it and possibly has not stopped to this day. While the other models are trapped in an elevator being vigorously uninterested, Cherish carefully explains to them that her hair is who she is. Cherish interviews that she was called ugly her whole life for being a redhead and she had to learn to love herself and now she has to change who she is. Back in the elevator, the other women try to ratchet her back down to normal, since she’s still going to be a freaking redhead. Cherish is not comforted. “This is my hair!” she says, pulling out her ponytail for illustration. “Every strand is a different color! It’s gold! It’s yellow! It’s red!” Cherish is already crying. Marissa interviews that Cherish is being crazy and stupid. Then Marissa says she’s “just joking,” and then says she isn’t.
Back in the cage, Cherish says that nobody else has that hair, so are you going to bottle her hair so everyone can match it? Tatiana interviews that Cherish’s freakout is, again, over going from redhead to redhead. She says Cherish is a baby, not a boss.
Time to go next door to Sally Hershberger’s salon! That was lucky!
Sally meets Paige, who is so excited! Sally is too! Marissa has strong features, so her look is “bigger and better.” Marissa says that’s perfect because she wants to be “that bitch.”
Tash is worried about being girly because she is girly and she says this look is not girly. I think Tash has a few issues with having an identical twin who is androgynous. Tash makes her girly, definitely non-masculine case to Rita Ora, who deflects.
What could be more high maintenance than Tash right now? Cherish, who is demanding to know “what do you MEAN by redder?” of Sally Hershberger. Then she remembers that she is on television and in a contest and is all “Oh, hello Ms. Hershberger I am so delighted to meet a hairdresser of your fame and caliber. SERIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY REDDER?” Then Cherish tells Sally Hershberger that her hair is “virgin hair.” Sally Hershberger squelches her vast amusement and informs Cherish that if she wants to be a model, that hair won’t be virgin for long.
Sally is done with this conversation and brushes Cherish and her fears off like lint. No, more dismissive. Like an ex’s lint. Cherish is crying. She says if she does this, her hair will never be the same. Rita comes over and says her hair is beautiful and Cherish brattily wonders why she’s changing it if that’s the case. Drew starts rattling off Sally Hershberger’s hair credits. I can’t believe they’re trying to jolly her into this.
Ashley drops in. She lets the models know that their next shoot will be in the nude. Dammit, new ANTM, you are already full of joy and madness. Do not blow your whole wad in the first three episodes.
There is some general cheering over the nudity (That’s weird, right? Can we agree that that’s weird?) except for India, who had told herself that she would never pose nude. I am assuming she mentioned that to the producers at some point, so you can thank India for the show’s extensive nekkidness.
Ashley says they’ll be doing group shots and nude celeb shoots are so popular right now and nudity is fashion and elegance. Your body is your fashion! What? I have heard the show make the same argument in previous incarnations and it still makes no sense. Doesn’t “fashion” almost by definition mean you have to have something on?
Hey! Our photographer will be Ellen von Unwerth. Ellen has shot David Bowie and a bunch of other people who are not David Bowie. She seems like she’s fun. And possibly bananacrackers. But the fun kind of bananacrackers.
Tatiana interviews about how bomb and cool Ellen von Unwerth is because Tatiana actually knows a bunch about fashion and likes her work.
Rita talks to Giah, who is excited about the sassy-ass bob she’s getting. Drew and Rita love India’s multilayered dye job. It does look pretty cool.
Tash is still upset about the girly issue. Binta tells Tash that she wants Tash to be girly so Binta can be the edgy one. That blows Tash’s mind a little bit. Cody has been given a long straight weave and she is also not a fan of the twins’ new switched vibes. This does kind of suck – it seems to be the producers screwing with them instead of actually trying to give them a usable signature look. Cody says she’s not scared to get something new. She should talk to Tash, who is upset because she thinks she looks like a boy.
Courtney interviews that the twins both “came at her” last night and she’s not saying that karma is real, but karma is totally real.
OK, just get used to verbatim quotes for this episode. Tash shuts herself in a room to have a moment – I guess the idea is that it’s a private moment? Or is she talking to a producer? – but she starts screaming about how girly she is at a volume where the whole salon can hear her and also the waiting room and several nearby restaurants and a street repair crew. It goes like this:
“Let me be me! I know who I am! I am a girlie girl! I wear skirts! I get flirty! That is who I am! That’s who I am!”
All the models listen with a range of emotions from cringe to “Myoohahaha! She is broken!”
Marissa loves her hair. She intends to flip it around and piss off all the girls who hate their hair.
Ashley wants to know what was up with Tash’s dramatic monologue. Tash says “I know who I am. I know who I am on the inside. I’m flirty, I’m sexy, I’m a seductress.” Jesus, really? First off, who in the history of time has referred to herself as a seductress? Second, if it’s that big a part of your core identity, a haircut shouldn’t matter then, right? Ashley, who is a model whisperer, gently tells Tash that her look will always be changing, so buck the fuck up and be a boss. Hey, that worked! Ashley may be a Jedi.
Kyle notes that some people feel less confident with their new looks and some people feel more confident and Kyle herself does not give one good god damn about her hair.
India loves her new hair and feels honored to have been picked to get the purple cut.
Courtney tells her “It looks like a Smurf shat on your head, but in a good way.” Courtney needs to be watched, people. India cheerfully says that it’s My Little Pony. She knows that she stands out now, and that’s a good thing.
Ashley takes nude photos! She invites the other girls to join her! Cherish is whipping off her robe almost before Ashley can finish her sentence. Everyone but India jumps in.
India stays in her bathrobe, feeling awkward. She has also seen enough of the show to know that the girl who won’t get naked is a prime target for getting cut. Are we going to talk about how the modeling industry uses that threat on women quite a bit? No, we are not, which is a shame.
Ashley happily flashes the crowd.
She says she has curves and cellulite and things that she doesn’t like about her body and – good distinction – things she’s been told she shouldn’t like about her body. But hey! She jumps in there and loves herself and loves nude shoots. Which is nice and body-positive and stuff, but it’s a bad argument, because that is suggests that the only reason not to get naked is if you’re ashamed of your body, which is another argument that has been used to push women to take off their clothes when they would rather not since the first fig leaf was deployed.
I have no problem with nudity and certainly have no problem with cheerfully naked women, but the show’s position that a woman saying she doesn’t want to get naked is inherently the wrong choice is a weird message for its young female fans. Absolutely, being asked to pose nude is a thing that will happen to models as much as haircuts are, but maybe this is one of those areas where the powers that be could think twice about promoting it as an industry standard that one should never question.
Krislian, Cherish, and Binta are the first nude group. Binta interviews that with a group shot, it’s crucial to work as a team and make sure everyone looks good. Cherish interviews that she popped her virgin cherry and now her hair won’t ever be the same and now she will have to be a bottled redhead. Shut the fuck up, Cherish. Learn about real problems and then go on a mountain retreat to grow your damn hair out if you can’t take the shame. Binta says Cherish better start looking like she’s happy. Meanwhile we see the overall strategy of the shoot: It’s a lot of covering each other’s bits. Sort of like Whack-a-Mole, but slower. Mostly it’s an excuse for ladycuddling and hands on boobs. Krislian hates her hair and says it’s testing her confidence. I can’t blame her. Drew tells her to watch that video vixen thing and “think expensive.”
After her shoot, Cherish is in the green room reading literally none of the other models’ signals about how tired they are of this line of chatter. She says her hair is her trademark and her natural color is very rare. Cherish says it’s like she’s been asked to dye her skin a new color. Binta is so over this line of chatter she’s hovering by the ceiling. Binta says that now Cherish looks like a star, and before she looked regular. Krislian agrees. Cherish says “Thaaanks, ladies, love you too!” in the bitchiest tone she can muster. For chrissakes, Cherish.
Kyle, Cody, Coryanne, and Tatiana are up next. Ellen directs Kyle to put her hand on Cody’s butt. Cody says she looks like a dude in a wig, but she’ll make it great when the camera gets going.
Coryanne feels the pressure but loves her new long hair.
India talks about her fears to Paige and Courtney, who are the least help they could possibly be. India starts by saying she went to an all-girls Catholic school, so of course Paige immediately jumps in with “I did too!” Courtney tops Paige in uselessness by leaning in and saying “I’ve been to Burning Man, so…” with deep significance. Thanks, Courtney! I am going to use that for everything now. “I’m really concerned with my husband’s irresponsibility with our finances.” “I’ve been to Burning Man, so…” “I just can’t find a plumber I like.” “I’ve been to Burning Man, so…” “I just took my cat to get neutered.” “I’ve been to Burning Man, so…”
India is still freaking, but she goes in. Marissa says she had a good time and she forgot she had no clothes on. It just came naturally! She says she wonders if she should be worried about that in the way people say that when they’re proud of themselves for being daring. Speaking of that, Paige says that posing nude is the craziest thing she’s ever done and it’s very liberating.
Courtney says she’s sick, but feels confident and comfortable. She thinks her new look is 2016 punk rock Marilyn Monroe. Off set, we see Courtney coughing and letting the makeup artist know that she has a nut allergy, so if a lipstick has almond oil or something in it, that’s a problem. Tash says Courtney is playing the victim like nobody she’s ever met. I still feel like Tash isn’t quite clear on what “playing the victim” means. She interviews “Girl, you got problems,” which may be a more apt phrase.
Courtney poses with Giah and Tash. Ellen von Unwerth asks Courtney to arch and Courtney mentions the bars she has in her back to correct her scoliosis. Marissa says Courtney is immature, but that face is stunning. Drew tells the models to work together to hide each other and hide themselves.
Courtney says she and Giah worked well together, but Tash didn’t know what to do with her body. Giah is annoyed. She does not have time for this poor-modeling-because-of-a-fight nonsense.
Back at the house, Paige tries to figure out her weird-ass haircut as they talk about being naked and how it made them feel closer. Marissa interviews that she feels bad that she teed off on Courtney. She also says that if she wanted to be the biggest bitch, she should have tried out for Bad Girls’ Club. Heh. Marissa compliments Courtney on going through all the hardships she has been through without getting broken. She says she respects Courtney for that.
Courtney tells Marissa that it’s hard to come up and apologize to someone’s face like that, and she appreciates her doing it. Courtney says Marissa is “mature for her age.” She also says that Marissa did something at 18 that the twins can’t do when they’re almost 30. See, Courtney needs to be watched. Giah calls Marissa a good person.
Rita says she hopes the ladies are owning their new looks. But now it’s time for one of them to go home.
Cherish, who has at last realized that the girl who is the biggest pain in the ass on Makeover Day is always on the chopping block, frantically interviews that she loves her hair now and feels like it takes her to the next level and she trusts the judges. Good luck with that, Cherish.
Courtney worries that her being sick will hurt her, but she says she’ll explain to the judges that she tried her best. Krislian interviews that she pushed herself to the next level. Giah is worried about the group shot with Tash and Courtney. She says she’ll pray and give it to God.
Panel time! Rita says the ladies all look stunning with their new signature looks. She re-intros Ashley, Law, and Drew and recounts the prizes. Then Rita reminds everyone that they got trademark styles and had a nude group photo shoot. I do hope we’re all clear on that. Rita also brings up Ashley posing. Ashley says it was only fair to jump in there and literally put her own ass on the line if the ladies were too. She also felt it would help them feel comfortable. Ashley truly is the Model Whisperer. Let’s look at those pics!
Kyle, Cody, Tatiana and Coryanne are up first!
Everyone thinks it looks incredible. Cody says she was worried about not being a tomboy. Rita says Coryanne’s pose would sell a bunch of underwear. Drew says she was much better this time; her new hair gave her power. Kyle’s new ‘do looks good and she knows her angles. The judges love Tatiana’s new look and her shot.
India, Paige, and Marissa are next.
Marissa rocked the body and has attitude and personality. The judges think Paige looks beautiful and hot but still classy. I’m not sure I see it. They say Paige’s new hair gives her a rocker vibe, but I don’t think it’s helping her. My guess from her earlier fidgeting is that Paige doesn’t think it’s helping her either, but she was smart enough to keep her trap shut on Makeover Day. Props to Paige for that. India’s purple hair looks great. Ellen Von Unwerth even kept the lavender color in the black-and-white shot. Drew brings up the fact that India was uncomfortable with the nude shoot. Rita tells her to set limits and stick to them, which a better message than we have had yet, though what Rita means is “set limits within being naked.” Rita says that when she posed for allegedly icky icky Terry Richardson, she told him that he could have the top but not the bottom, no more conversation.
Binta, Krislian, and Cherish!
Rita loves how the ladies are supporting each other, but that’s about all the love there is to go around. Ashley doesn’t love Binta because she’s hiding herself and thinking too much of the other women. Rita says you gotta give face. Krislian is too sexy again. Ashley fears that she can’t go editorial. Rita calls her an online model. Ouch. Rita says Cherish’s photo did her no justice: Her face is uncomfortable and she has a claw hand.
Drew says that after watching her on set, he doesn’t think she’s a model.
Tash, Giah and Courtney!
After all that whining, Tash looks great. Ashley says she looks bad-ass. Tash says she is a bad-ass. Rita Says Tash is the dark horse now and Tash swoops her jacket back up on her shoulders with a practiced flourish. Giah looks like an R&B singer to Law, not a model. Drew loves Giah’s trademark style, but warns that her next shoot has to be really strong. Courtney is called timeless and yummy. Rita says she wants to be Courtney’s friend and have sex with her and also be her. I am growing fond of Rita.
Who will stay? Who will pack her bags and go? The Panel convenes.
Favorites: Coryanne stepped it up and elevated it. Courtney looks like a Paris runway model. (But Ashley doesn’t believe Courtney has the brand and boss parts.) They couldn’t remember India’s last shoot, but they sure know her now.
Oh, my God, Cherish is in the green room still bitching about her stupid hair. Back to the judges!
Least favorites: Rita says Cherish went from red to red and still cried and still didn’t bring it. We worry whether Krislian is a model. And Giah is not giving us “Unh!” Bring back the models!
Best Photo: Courtney! She looks stunned.
Runner up: Coryanne! The pendulum swings back!
Marissa and India round out the Top 4, which apparently is a thing now. Then we have:
Kyle, who has been ROBBED again. What the hell?
Tatiana, who also got high praise and a low spot.
Binta (Ooh, Paige and Binta are next to each other again! And low in the pack.)
Giah is incredibly relieved to get called. They can’t drop her this early – she’s too good at summing things up in interstitials.
It’s down to Krislian and Cherish! Cherish and Krislian! They tried to give Cherish vibrant color, but in the photo she faded. Krislian’s new style has elevated her look. But can she be a model?
Krislian is in! She needs to think and believe she is a supermodel.
Cherish is out! And no longer a hair virgin. How tragic.
Cherish says it’s funny, because the other models look good in the photo, and she knows she did fantastic in the shoot. Is she floating a conspiracy theory?
Ever the grounded and authentic one, Cherish beckons the other models for a final hug with “Playas! Come he-ah!” I’m giving you her entire final speech to the camera verbatim so you can appreciate every last perfect word.
You’re trying to break me, but you can’t. So, yeah, I’m angry. The fact that they told me to dye my hair and, you know, dye my integrity of who I am as a person inside by being a genuine redhead. It’s like, I did it. Because I trusted them. I don’t trust no one. I did fucking amazing in that photo shoot, and I don’t understand why they don’t see anything in me, because I am everything. America’s Next Top Model isn’t the end for me. And I’m a strong woman, and you can’t break me. So have fun picking your winner, because I am a unicorn.
Stay strong and stay Cherish, Cherish. It’s who you were born to be.
Next week: Social media week! DJ Khaled! Binta and Courtney argue on a rooftop in just their underwear! And then again in the Model Van! Cody says she saw evil in Courtney from the first! You bet your sweet ass I’ll see you there.