Previously: The models boxed! Krislian was not tall enough! Kyle was into Marissa and was kind of a creeper about it! Marissa was less into an intense relationship! Kyle stayed! Krislian went! What next?
Morning at the model house! Coryanne reads Krislian’s goodbye letter and says she’s not crying for Krislian. I want more context for that statement. Paige (I think) says she’ll miss her bunk buddy, and India agrees that last night was a hard one.
India is also bummed about having been in the bottom three. She knows she can’t keep riding in the middle; the judges will get bored and let her go. Kyle says this week will be lit and it’s time to be model-serious. Kyle does an excellent rendition of Tyra’s “We were all rooting for you!” freakout, with the other models joining in. It’s good that these young women have an appreciation for the classics.
Ohhhh, no. With Krislian out, closet space has opened up and is being shuffled around. Courtney tells Marissa (who was her enemy like just last night) to claim some before Binta does. Marissa does so as Binta watches in rising fury. If you listen carefully inside Binta’s head while she’s watching Marissa, you can hear the same sound that the Ghostbusters’ proton packs make when they fire up.
Marissa officially makes the claim and moves her stuff in there. Binta, having already watched the offending stuff go in says she wants to put her own stuff in there and “was looking at” that spot. Marissa, not unjustly, says that looking isn’t claiming. She and Binta (Surprise!) get into it, and Marissa announces that her stuff is there and will stay there.
Cody interviews that Marissa is the annoying little sister she never wanted. I don’t think Cody has a dog in this particular fight, so I’m guessing they’ve cut in other footage of Cody being irritated with Marissa. Anyway, we’re reminding the viewership that Marissa does exactly what she wants and has a temper and can be a brat when dealing with other people. Binta shouts that she can’t believe she has to live with such a bitch. Speaking of tempers.
The models look gorgeous in motion. Can they keep a beat? DANCE TIME!!!!
Kyle immediately jokes about her inability to dance. Paige makes fun of Kyle’s one move. Paige interviews that she was a competitive dancer for 12 years and she is EXCITED! We see a lot of photos of Young Paige that explain a lot about Current Paige.
We’re going to have a lot of Paige as Paige presenting Paige!!! this episode, so just get used to it. It is an excellent example of lightly cruel and judgy story editing.
Kyle says she’ll dip into her bag of dance-move tricks. Paige teases Kyle that her bag of tricks is that same terrible dance move with alternating arms.
We’re in a dance studio with Stacey McKenzie! As we have said, models gotta move. To that end, we have Beyoncé’s “personal choreographer,” Chris Grant. He took a break from the Formation tour to come here today. He says that each bit of a dance can be a model pose. Which isn’t a bad way of thinking about it, now that he says it.
Chris has lots of moves for the models. They are indeed a tad Beyoncé. And a tad intimidating. Time to learn the routine! India says she’s an athlete and she’ll throw herself into it.
Tatiana says the challenge is to be modelesque while in motion. She suggests that Paige is being too musical theater and not model enough. But Tatiana knows better to get in the way when Paige is achieving her ass off.
Paige interviews that she has a leg up what with all her dance experience and this is a dream come true. She feels like she has this in the bag. Paige has not yet learned what happens when you bait the producers on this show.
For the end of the routine, Stacey tells the models that they all have 10 minutes to come up with a signature move. (Which I guess they do? I wouldn’t trust any of those signatures on any important documents.)
Marissa interviews that she has experience with ass-shaking at parties, not dancing, but she’s rolling with it. India says she’s paying attention and putting in her best effort and hopes she can stand out. Paige, wising up, interviews that the other girls are making her nervous and you never know what could happen. That’s better, Paige. Time to dance!
Tatiana does well, like she does at everything. Stacey says she moved like a model.
Marissa is not as powerful as Chris would like. He’s annoyed because she’s not committing or taking it seriously.
Stacey is not impressed.
Coryanne isn’t great and messes up the steps. Stacey thinks a lot of the women were overthinking. We skim over Cody and Binta as Stacey explains that it’s not about being a dancer, it’s about being a model. Tatiana’s smarts served her well again.
Kyle isn’t happy in heels, but she says she’s just gonna do Kyle. It’s game, but not great.
Marissa says Kyle is a mess and terrible and can’t keep a beat. What a charming way to talk about the woman you’re macking with, Marissa. Kyle says she’s not a quitter.
Courtney interviews that there’s a lot of “dip it low” in the routine, but her scoliosis makes it really hard to dip it low, but she did her best. It’s too bad that Courtney is such a whinger – this is a time when I’d sympathize with her if she hadn’t found all the other excuses. India gets some coaching from Chris, but overall she’s looking very good. Tatiana says India is one to watch.
Paige is last. She’s feeling confident for a second challenge win. Stacey tells us that Paige’s background in dance is obvious, but stop with the duck face. Stacey imitates the duck face, because she is the new Miss J. and she is also pretty much over everything.
Chris says Kyle wasn’t a dancer, but stayed true to herself. Kyle knows that’s not quite a compliment, and not enough to win it.
Tatiana wins it! Whoa! India doesn’t like to lose again, but knows Tatiana rules. It’s tough to argue with a Tatiana win in almost anything.
Tatiana will be the new face of a campaign for Gypsy Sport, which is weird aggressive children’s clothing for adults.
Holy primary colors, does a little of that go a long way. Tatiana knows the brand, of course, and is savvy enough to say she likes it and is excited to work with something different. She also likes winning another challenge.
You guys, hold onto your hats and socks and any other vulnerable accessories. There is a huge surprise coming: The Models Aspirant are going to use the same moves in a video tomorrow!
Back at the house, Paige offers to help Kyle with the choreography. Marissa helps much less. Marissa interviews that she needs more space and she says she’s told Kyle that this is a light thing. Paige interviews that Kyle is fixated on Marissa, but Marissa is here to win the competition. Paige is not wrong on either count. Kyle tries the Silly Sway-Hips on Marissa. Always a tricky proposition.
Tatiana interviews that she’s feeling good for the shoot. Coryanne wants to show them that she really did know the moves and won’t mess up this time.
Rita and Drew welcome the ladies to Harlem. Today they’ll be music videoing the runway on the city streets. Director X is the creative consultant. And director. He’s directing this thing, so we could maybe call it that. Rita tells the models they’d better deliver. Courtney says she knows Director X’s music videos and feels intimidated.
For the video, the maybe-models will walk through three “interactive” Harlem scenes, pose, and then do the dance with their signature moves at the end.
Oh, and it will all be done in one shot, and they only get one take. Cody interviews that this is tough and crazy. Truth.
Rita jumps into the makeup tent and says that a video director works well when he has someone to work with, so get in there and connect and own the camera. Rita demonstrates and does indeed own the camera. And then Rita has to go, but Stacey will be here soon to mentor them.
Marissa says she’s frightened of the one-take thing, but she’s prepared to wing it. How hard can it be? Stacey, who knows that it could be pretty honking hard, makes Marissa practice. Marissa becomes an absolute teenage snotnose in seconds flat.
She says Stacey is “overbearing.” She mostly means that Stacey is not saying Marissa is adorable and wants her to concentrate and work. I think I get why Marissa is hanging with the adoring Kyle.
Marissa is doing exactly nothing to hide her rageball tendencies with Stacey. Kyle interviews that the temper is a problem. You think, Kyle?
Paige Presenting Paige! prisses out and says she wants the advice of the legendary Stacey Mackenzie and would take anything Stacey said with the utmost seriousness. Paige is correct, but Jesus H., Paige. Marissa is, for lack of a better term sassing back at Stacey. It’s exactly that juvenile. Marissa also starts criticizing Stacey’s notes, talking over her and not listening to a syllable. She’s being super obnoxious. Coryanne theorizes that Marissa’s mouth will be her downfall.
Marissa interviews that she doesn’t want to come across as some bitchy model, but Stacey’s critique was annoying and not helping her. Marissa is indeed coming across as bitchy, but not as a model.
Time to go! Double Dutch! Breakdancing! Hydrants!
This feels like a very old-school version of Harlem! Director X wants them to hit their marks and bring energy.
Lest you think Tatiana has an advantage, she’s been given an outfit that is an active hindrance to both what she needs to do and any sane human thought. It’s like a lab created a designer who was a rabid Chicago Cubs fan and also a fan of Yosemite Sam but was physically unable to back down on either.
Nevertheless, Tatiana is rocking it. She interviews that she likes the spontaneity of doing just one take.
Paige is super confident again! Because dance! You know what? Paige is working hard and committing, so shut my mouth. Go get ‘em, Paige. She hits her marks and does a fun hat-toss to the camera at the end.
Courtney, in the makeup tent, announces that she needs to get her lipstick off because she’s allergic to nuts. She interviews that her lips got all burney. She says that the makeup artists mixed the lipstick with almond oil, which Courtney sighs happens all the time. Only Marissa pointedly checks the ingredients and there’s no almond oil in it. Courtney backtracks that there usually is. “It’s like a known fact.” There is a lingering shot on a busted Courtney, because someone in editing is absolutely savage this cycle.
Binta, speaking in the same grave monotone you might use for a PSA about the current state of the world’s loose nukes, interviews that she’s good for videos because she’s a very playful and energetic person. In an apparent response to everyone else in the room freezing in slack-jawed wonder, Binta insists that her playful energy is one of her biggest qualities! Oh, to combine Binta’s drive with Kyle’s self-awareness. Binta’s outfit is also a disturbing combination of gloom surrounding a grim insistence on playfulness: She’s been given a widow’s dress, a wealthy dowager hat, and over-the-eye fringe that has to be blinding her.
As you might guess, the dancing doesn’t go well. Stacey calls it robotic.
Courtney fails to hit her marks over and over. Drew says you could tell she was panicking. She walks away crying. She says she got fangirl intimidated because she respects X’s work. Maybe? Or she just screwed up, and that was the excuse? Who can tell anymore?
Paige feels bad that no one is consoling Courtney and, to her credit, goes to do so. Paige has a good heart in her, and you can see it when she settles down. Cody says Courtney cries a lot and a boss wouldn’t always be asking for other people to console her.
India has some of the least insane styling – which is not saying much – and some freshly re-purpled hair. (Good. I was worried about that.) India thinks this could be her chance. Stacey says she turned it up 10 notches and X likes it too.
Cody looks OK. She will neither tank nor triumph. Coryanne feels the pressure but seems to land well. Dear Artemis, what have they done to poor Kyle? Have you ever wondered what it would look like if a ‘20s flapper wanted to play basketball in the most inhibiting possible garment? OK, now that you have that picture in your head, make it a brighter yellow than the sun.
This is cruel. On top of that, Kyle is not great at hitting marks. Drew says she looked nervous and had a hard time. He says she hit the individual poses instead of being in one video.
Marissa – Surprise! – just sort of does what she wants to do and messes up because she didn’t listen. Marissa says she was having fun and did well and killed it. Stacey pulls Marissa aside to tell her not to be lippy or she’ll get blacklisted from the industry immediately. It is yet more sound advice. Marissa interviews that she doesn’t want to be rude, but she’s fabulous. Oh, dear.
In the Model Yard, the ladies talk about the pressure of dancing. Kyle doesn’t think she did well in this one, but thinks she can win it. Marissa interviews that if Kyle goes home, Marissa is one step closer to winning it. She’s a sentimentalist, that Marissa.
RitAlert! Someone’s going home!
India knows she did well, but is nervous. Marissa is waiting for he ass-chewing, as well she should be. In a late scramble, Marissa interviews that she hopes the judges know she’s a good model and a good person. Oof. Not even a particularly good try there.
Hey, today Director X will be a guest judge! Along with Drew, Ashley, and Law! The prizes are the same! Let’s watch some videos!
Paige looks fun and only occasionally studied. Rita loves seeing her being professional and in her comfort zone. Law says it was on-brand. Paige, props where props are due, was Director X’s favorite – he loved that she was a pro knew what she was doing.
Coryanne pulled it back out! She interacted well with her surroundings. Law, however felt it was a little back-to-school commercial. He wants her to be more fierce. Coryanne gets him.
Marissa comes up for her ass-chewing and totally misrepresents what happened. If you take her account, she was a polite and attentive waif. Does Marissa think that the producers don’t rat to the judges or shows them footage? Ashley says she is disappointed in Marissa. Aww. Director X says that people talk if you’re difficult, and you won’t get booked. Marissa’s moves aren’t great, and Rita doesn’t feel it.
Cody is a little stiff but is selling it with her face. X isn’t crazy about it. Binta was terrible and crazy. Binta is surprised. She tears up, saying that’s not what she wants to put out there.
Kyle does the basic Kyle perturbed-face thing, but with a little shimmy and hat twist at the end. Law says she has the look and thought it was cool. Rita hated it. HATED IT. OK, she loved the moment at the end, but hated the video. Rita is tired of waiting for the little bit of hope they see in Kyle to come out into the open.
Courtney is nervous. Law says she has the same problem as Cody: She did Italian Vogue instead of Teen Vogue.
Presumably, Law means that he wants Cody and Courtney to do some kick-ass journalism on Trump’s gaslighting techniques and smash the patriarchy. Drew says Courtney gets away with a lot because of her face. Truth. Director X will not be having that just-good-face thing. He says he wants performance.
Tatiana is subdued because she is trying to balance her enormous pigtails and that freaking Yosemite Sam hat. Rita didn’t like it. Ashley thinks just needed more takes.
India is excited. And rightly so! The judges like it! She made them smile! She kept moving! She made it interesting and wore the clothes well! India was Law’s fave of the night! Every drop of praise for India sets Paige’s teeth on edge.
The judges discuss. The regular judges liked India better than Paige; Director X says he thought Paige won it hands-down, but then seeing India’s piece brought it home to him. Drew liked India’s transformation.
Courtney did not do well. Does she have more than her pretty face? Poor Kyle was stiff until the final moment. They’re tired of glimmers of talent. And then there was Marissa, who was just a complete pain in the ass. Director X astutely suggests that Marissa mostly has days full of people telling her she’s beautiful and isn’t used to getting criticized.
Backstage, Marissa cries. She knows she screwed up and she sobs that she appreciates the other models. Binta would appreciate some closet space.
The judges have deliberated! Oh, my God. Rita is wearing all of the movie Xanadu in one outfit.
Best Video: India! Well redeemed, India!
Runner-up: Paige! Oh, man. That’s a good spot, but I know it’s eating Paige’s soul. Then we have:
It’s down to Marissa and Kyle! Kyle and Marissa! Kyle needs confidence and to own it. Marissa had a mediocre performance and a terrible attitude.
Marissa stays, as we knew she would. Kyle goes, as we knew she would. Kyle gives a graceful thank you. She says she was out of her element, but she gave it her all and learned a lot. She thinks Marissa and she formed a strong bond. Kyle’s face shows that, Marissa aside, she is so glad to be out of there.
Next: Party at Philipp Plein’s! Don’t forget to reach Peak Douchebag in this $7,215 Philipp Plein T-shirt!
The models do a shoot on a private jet! And Coryanne announces that she will be telling Courtney if she doesn’t like how Courtney is treating someone. Daaaaamn. You better believe I’ll see you there.