Previously: The models danced in a “video” in lunatic clothes! Marissa was a brat! And also irresistible to Kyle! And Kyle got sent home.
It’s night at the model house and the ladies are watching India’s Best Video. She’s thrilled to finally stand out and the other models seem genuinely happy for her. It’s a really enjoyable moment of a kind we don’t usually get to see during the show — Tatiana and Binta and Marissa just openly enjoying another contestant’s work. India says they’re halfway through and there are only seven girls to beat now. Don’t worry if you forget that stat. You’ll be reminded of it.
Tatiana is frustrated because she rules and gets great critiques but she keeps getting beaten out. Coryanne sympathizes. Tatiana says she’s been overshadowed by the big personalities, but she’s going to keep doing her best. She wants to make it and help out her family.
Marissa reads a farewell letter (and apparently poetry!) from Kyle and says she’ll miss her. Marissa notes that being in the bottom two with Kyle was “friggin’ awkward.” Marissa didn’t expect Kyle to go there, but she’s always kept her head in the game. She says she and Kyle can cuddle all they want after she wins. Which is, indeed, the line of thinking Kyle should have followed as well. Paige and Binta talk. Binta is taking her harsh critique from last week to heart. She really didn’t seem to know that her dancing didn’t come across well. Binta reminds us that she was born in Gambia and grew up poor. She also says she’s going to do something good for her family with this competition.
In the kitchen, Coryanne and Tatiana are doing some kind of large-scale rearranging of the fridge. Courtney asks “what the fuck happened to the chopping board” in a way that comes off as unnecessarily aggro.
Coryanne and Tatiana don’t understand why she cares because Courtney isn’t even cooking. OK, but I’m not cooking either, and now I really want to know what the fuck happened to the chopping board. Why was this not a subplot? And did something happen to it in the sense that it’s jacked up now, or is it missing? Can we not have a shot of the chopping board so we can see what’s wrong? Or a shot of where it should be? I NEED CHOPPING BOARD TRANSPARENCY.
Coryanne interviews that Courtney is toxic and complains and is disrespectful. Coryanne tells Courtney directly — points for that, I guess — that the rudeness and shortness have been irking her. (definite points to Coryanne for using “irking” during a Stage II Model Confrontation) and Courtney blames people thinking she’s always mad on resting bitchface. Well, that and some trouble with human interaction. Coryanne says that from now on she’ll say it if she sees Courtney treating someone badly. Courtney wonders why Coryanne hasn’t defended Courtney — she feels she’s been treated badly by the other girls and no one helps. Which may be a matter of perspective. If you’ll recall, three people ran to Courtney’s aid when she slipped on the stairs, but our beloved Giah reported having to pick her own ass up.
Courtney interviews that she’s having trouble living with these bitches and says the other girls have always had things handed to them — Coryanne, for instance. Coryanne says that it speaks to your character when you’ve fought with 85% of the house. Coryanne interviews that it’s not the Courtney show. It’s the Coryanne show. Are you clear on what the rivalry is this week? Do you need some hints?
Congrats on reaching the halfway mark! Time for the models to be reminded that they’re aiming for a life of luxury. To that end, they’ll be going to a party. (Oh, models. It’s never a party.) The models will need to be bosses and command the room and we’re really reaching for a learning theme here and everyone knows it, so let’s just go.
There going to see Philipp Plein. Philipp Plein would be the designer from casting week who acted like a dickhole to the models and also makes terrible overpriced clothing. He’s basically an angry con man with a Bedazzler.
Cody interviews that when she thinks of the high life, she thinks of private jets and throwing money. Let’s hope not at the same time, because that nonsense will get you sucked straight out the window. Paige says Philipp Plein’s studio is stunning. Which I guess it is if you want gold-spangled T-shirts and a gladiator bustier. I always think of Paige as carefully tasteful, but man does she love some high studded sneakers. Marissa, wearing one of Helen Mirren’s outfits from Excalibur, says that back home she lived paycheck to paycheck, but she could get used to this.
(Have you seen Excalibur? Go on and treat yourself to a little gorgeous batshittery. You deserve it.)
Courtney interviews that Coryanne is a phony. She had thought they were close. Now their confrontation is eating at her.
Coryanne interviews that she knows she’s high-maintenance and shallow — and that her parents have always told her so. Wow. Coryanne seems to think those are neutral qualities like being tall or brunette. She likes her friends and likes parties and her perfect life and she isn’t sure why she should expand out of that. I did not think I would ever be floored by Coryanne, but I was incorrect. In a way, it shows an impressive independence of spirit. If you look at it juuuust right. Courtney says Coryanne is used to having everything handed to her and Courtney is used to never getting anything she wants. Are you clear on this week’s rivalry? Do we need to regroup?
India says the house is decked out. Philipp says he’s hosting an exclusive party and the models are the featured attraction. That is gross and dehumanizing, Philipp. Philipp also says no dress is worth less than $10,000.
Here, for reference, is Philipp’s idea of a dress that is worth $14,000.
Law and Drew tell the women to pair off and perform, just like they’re a page torn from a magazine, and work the room: Paige and Binta, Cody and Marissa, India and Courtney, and Coryanne and Tatiana. Philipp says the guests will be voting and the models need to perform.
Law says the girls will really enjoy the party. Philipp says he’ll take the winners to his Manhattan store and they can choose whatever they want. Wow, is that ever a mixed blessing of a prize.
Coryanne says that her friend is a live model for Gucci and just walks around hitting poses. Cody and Marissa talk about a possible storyline. Paige and Binta decide to be a lesbian couple. Paige is thrilled!!!!! Because of course she is. India and Courtney decide to be in a battle, or maybe be friends. But they will have some sort of relationship.
We see action shots of canapes and Fashion People. And singer-songwriter Jason Derulo! Cody really likes Jason’s work and is nervous about him judging them.
Philippe greets his “party guests” and yammers about his new collection and then tells his guests to vote on the models who are randomly in some of the rooms, as any good host does.
Coryanne and Tatiana have not decided on a storyline or a motivation. They just sort of swan around being models. Cody and Marissa pretend to slow-motion fight over a purse.
The guests say they’re warriors and ones to watch. India and Courtney also just sort of pose around. Courtney fwoomps onto the bed and crosses her legs. She seems to feel good about that.
Cody tears apart roses as she and Marissa pretend to be mad. They put on their acting chops, such as they are, and start yelling. India and Courtney agree that Cody and Marissa shouldn’t be doing that and it isn’t professional. OK, maybe, but Cody looks gooood. Also the exchange “Give me the purse!” [dramatic pause] “Never” is freaking gold.
Binta and Paige have a room that is, at least for a moment, empty of guests. It’s not a good sign. Binta says she’s uncomfortable and insecure around all that luxury. Philipp pushes them for more interesting, fun poses. But nothing crazy or sad. Law is also not happy with their posing. Philipp is, of course, a total cockbag to them in front of several guests, including Jason. Charming.
Tatiana interviews that she’s driven. She says that she has all the qualities and she wants everyone to know it. Drew says the models have the chance to live the high life there. Jason says some did well, while others should take this as a learning experience.
The women realize that they can win thousands in Phillipp Plein clothing. That’s a lot of spangled Batman T-shirts! Who, oh, who could be so lucky? Cody and Marissa win it!
Courtney is so mad because she could hear them and she still doesn’t think they should have yelled and that was not elegant and sexy. Philipp takes the models to his boutique in his Rolls Royce. Which demons did Philipp Plein fuck to get this life?
Philipp opens up his closed store.
Marissa is so psyched that she gets to go crazy with all the studs and diamonds. Philipp tells them how great and sick his clothes are and that this is like a dream for the models.
Harrumph. Marissa twirls and says she feels like Pretty Woman without the hooker part.
OH GOOD, MORE PHILIPP PLEIN. There will be another shoot, this time on a private jet. Tatiana feels like she’s flying under the radar and she needs to prove herself and wow them.
We’re at the shoot! There’s a jet! And shoes and bags with a ton of gold and studs! Courtney asks for Benadryl. COURTNEY. Do not take a Benadryl when you need to have your game face on. This is why contestants should watch all past Top Model cycles: To absorb all the hard-won wisdom.
Drew says that they’re living the luxe life in this private jet, so now all they need is a companion. It’s Jason Derulo again! Paige says everyone knows who he is and she’s so nervous. Jason says today’s your chance to redeem yourself, so everyone bring your A game.
Binta interviews that she needs to be on the top this time, which is true, but she’s saying it in a way that indicates she’s crumpling deep into worry instead of pushing herself forward.
India interviews that she has never been on a private jet. She says she had the chance a couple of times but messed it up. WHAT? Just from that casual recounting, that sounds way more like a solid life decision than messing up. India feels good about her shoot.
Tatiana goes for elegant. Jason says yesterday at the party was rougher, but today some people changed his mind. Tatiana says she went in with the boss mentality and killed it.
Coryanne is posing on the stairs in a giant hood.
She looks weak. Courtney notes that Coryanne is struggling. And yeah, she really is. To an inexplicable degree. She says she’s bummed that she’s on the stairs and can’t do much and has a lot of anxiety. Philipp says she didn’t have her special face on today. Paige, on the other hand, seems to do well.
Courtney gets some coaching and then is off and modeling…And she’s making excuses about how much she can do with her legs in that skirt.
Philipp says Courtney brought no energy and added no value. Did someone give her a Benadryl after all? And did she split it with Coryanne? And what the fuck happened to the chopping board? As a cherry on the resting bitchface sundae, Courtney feels so bad about her shoot that she walks away without saying goodbye — and apparently without having said hello — to Jason. Courtney doesn’t feel like she got the shot and interviews that she has nothing to go back to if she gets knocked out of the competition.
Marissa is led to the jet with an ongoing blurred nip slip. She says she doesn’t mind if Jason gets a little peek. Say what you will about Marissa: She is friendly.
Jason liked how Marissa owned the jet. I bet he also liked how she didn’t own foundation garments, but he seemed to keep his cool like a gentleman.
Cody feels good about living the high life. They all noticed that the jet stayed on the ground and didn’t go anywhere, didn’t they?
Binta knows she has to do well. The photographer tells her to be insanely bitchy. She’s getting a ton of coaching, but then it turns into that thing where she’s getting so much coaching from him and Drew and Philipp at the same time that it’s actively hindering her. Lean away from Jason! But also be sexy and tall!
Drew interviews that Binta is very nervous. The photographer wonders aloud if the jacket is “too challenging” for her. Ouch. Binta wonders if she’s going home.
The models discuss the shoot back at the house as Marissa hula hoops. She’s nervous after last week. India feels good again this week. Tatiana is still frustrated. She doesn’t get direct criticism, but nothing extraordinary either.
Coryanne interviews that she and Courtney are both nervous. She also says Courtney is the only person she’s had a conflict with and she wonders what’s up with that. So she goes straight to the source. Courtney says she and her mom were homeless for a year and a half when she was tiny, and then when they did get a place, her mom was a compulsive hoarder. And Courtney’s mom never said she loved her, and then her mom kicked her out at 17 with nothing but a suitcase. So, yes, we can forgive Courtney for a few busted social skills. Coryanne is so moved that she cries and Courtney hugs her. Courtney interviews that she wants to be an inspiration because she didn’t have one when she was young.
We talk about The High Life again. What a weird theme to hit. Like I get that they wanted an excuse for all of Philipp’s gold spangles, but do we really need the pretense that learning to deal with luxury is such a challenging thing? Just do they old Tyra-era thing where she would about living in a Parisian studio apartment with 17 other models and then say fuck it have a photo shoot in an enormous Greek salad.
Rita welcomes us and goes over the judges and prizes again. I will alert you if those change.
Marissa won the challenge! It was a good flip from last week. They say she looks young and like a ‘90s Guess? ad. They say those things in positive tones, in case you weren’t sure.
India feels good, and rightly so. She looks great and the judges love her shot.
Rita says she wants to fuck India. She’s not wrong. Law says she’s giving Claudia Schiffer face.
Paige should have extended her leg. Ashley wants her to create a story. Drew says it’s catalog, but Law likes it a little better and says she’s doing her job as a model.
Binta is freaking out and tells the judges so. Rita says the shot isn’t mind-blowing. Again. Binta says she made sure she was giving energy. Law correctly says that her face doesn’t show that. Rita says Binta needs to get a little more self-aware so she can match her face to the shot…If she makes it through. Damn, Rita.
Tatiana killed it, as we all knew she could. She looks like she took possession of Jason and the judges love it.
Coryanne, in contrast, doesn’t look like she owns the plane. There’s no boss to her. Ashley says it’s stiff. What happened to her this week?
Cody is still on a high from her challenge win and loves her new leather jacket. The judges love her photo. Law says she looks like she’s been on a private jet before.
Courtney’s doesn’t look great. Courtney says it was because she had really bad allergies…Uh oh. The judges are done with this. Drew wants the models to know how much these shoots fucking cost, so don’t have a bad day. Courtney says she understands, and Drew goes into Angry Dad “DO YOU? Do you understand!?” Oh, dear.
Time to deliberate! Whoa, the models come back! Fast cutting!
Best Photo: Tatiana! Her first best! I bet it won’t be her last
Runner Up: India! Staying strong!
A bit of serious tension and then… Coryanne. I bet she was sweating that one.
It’s down to Courtney and Binta! Binta and Courtney! At one time, they were the girls to beat! Binta is amazing with a beautiful face! But are her insecurities winning? Courtney also has a great face. But is she getting worse instead of better?
Courtney stays! She hugs Binta.
Binta accepts the elimination with tears and grace. She says she’s grateful for the chance and she will be a successful model.
Next time: Oh, holy natural rare color of red. Cherish is back, bitches! It looks like there’s a chance for an eliminated model to get back in! And another music video! Krislian wants back in too! There is grinding! There is fainting! WHOA!
And it’s all happening THIS WEDNESDAY because it’s switching nights. YOU HEARD ME. Two Top Model eps in one week! You gird your loins and you KEEP IT TOGETHER. We have work to do. I’ll see you there.