Previously: It was JUST FREAKING MONDAY of the same week! The models led the high life! Philipp Plein put spangles on Teletubbies or some shit! There was a photo shoot in a jet! Tatiana rocked it! Binta not so much! We have two episodes in one week and it’s killing us!
Back at the Model House, Courtney felt the judges were harsh. Tatiana was so happy to finally get best photo after weeks of high praise and middling rankings. She’s got the boss thing down, since she already has a business going, so it’s just locking those best photos in. Courtney is shaken after being in the bottom two for the first time. She talks to Paige and Tatiana about how much more intense it is to actually be on the chopping block.1 She interviews that the judges ripped her to shreds and knows she needs to prove herself.
Rita Ora meets the ladies in a warehouse! This week we’re doing a full “fashion music video.” OK, sure. You know what? We have travel bans and shit to worry about, so we’ll let “fashion music video” slide and pretend it’s a thing. Marissa recalls that she went buck wild on Stacey during the models’ last encounter with Terpsichore, and maybe there needs to be a new strategy. Marissa also points out that she is here to model, not to dance, so she is not thrilled with another dance challenge.
Rita thinks the dancing needs to be fleshed out. “With real songs from willing recording artists?” you wonder. Ha ha, no. The ensemble needs to be fleshed out with MORE MODELS!
Here they come! The eliminated models are back!!
We cut to the shot of Cherish saying “I’m back, bitches!” that she’s been practicing since she got her first casting call. And then there’s Binta! Krislian! Giah!!!!! Kyle! Tash! And Justine! Justine was the first model eliminated and she wants to prove that she is more mature now, three weeks later.
Kyle interviews that she knows she distracted Marissa — Oh, dear. Kyle has not yet seen Marissa’s cavalier commentary on their relationship — and will try not to step on her toes. Noble sentiment, Kyle.
The eliminated ladies will move back into the house for the “week.” Bleah. Even with all the potential suitcase drama, that just seems exhausting.
Cody isn’t as thrilled to have Tash back as you might expect. She doesn’t want to be back in “little sister” mode. Which feels like an odd thing to say when the big sister is “big” by like 8 minutes, but I guess it makes sense of their dynamic.
Rita elaborates that one of the models who is currently still in the competition this week will be eliminated, and her spot will be snarfed up by one of the previously eliminated models coming back in. For those of us watching the show, it means that we make no real progress this week, but OK.
Giah, back doing commentary where she was always meant to be, says that the other models are trying to smile in a polite, welcoming, and confident fashion, but it’s all fake.
Tanisha Scott is here! She’s the choreographer behind Drake’s “Hotline Bling” video. OK, she seems cool and all, but are we pretending that we didn’t all spend three weeks making fun of that?
OK, Tanisha has also worked with Rihanna. Tash says she likes her choreography so much she has stolen moves from Tanisha. Tanisha says that you don’t have to be the best dancer, but you do need to be the best performer and make her believe it.
India interviews that she won the last choreography shoot and loves to dance. She’d better because that choreography looks tricky. And very butty. Also get ready to hear this musical riff eight kazillion times.
Krislian interviews that she really wants this spot and she hopes that her dance and hard work can redeem her.
The girls are put into Squad A (still in) and Squad B (eliminated). First, they’ll be competing to be the Star Girl in their squad. This will mean exactly nothing in terms of how the video turns out, so just roll with it.
Tash interviews that she lost her spark before and was eliminated but she’s a natural leader (of her sister, for one thing) and it’s time to fight. It’s also possible that Tash has noticed that the haircut she was so worried about makes her look seventeen kinds of ravishing, but that’s just a personal theory.
Marissa is trying to stay away from the distractions of Kyle because she “did shitty” before and is not performing any less scatologically now. She’s really frustrated. Marissa, with characteristic bluntness, says “Courtney has a goddamned pole in her back and she’s doing better than me.”
Marissa gets flustered and walks away to take a crying moment.
Courtney calls Marissa unprofessional. Tend to your own garden there, Courtney.
Marissa is pissed that she might get eliminated for her dance skills when she’s here to model.I know there’s a lot about moxie and attitude and stuff to be said here, but Marissa does have a point. As for the dancing itself, Tanisha says Marissa is putting herself in a bad head space by focusing on what’s wrong.
Rita says it’s more being yourself than about the actual dancing, which would be great and a fair challenge metric if it were true, but it’s a lie. Just like last time, the models are pretty much straight-up judged on their dancing ability.
Giah knows she can do this and should have the spot. Justine is giving it her all. Whoa! Justine takes a dive straight onto the floor!
The other women rush in to help.
Justine is on the floor, and the producers have called for an ambulance. Giah, as she does, prays and gives it to God and Giah says that Justine woke up then, in a direct cause-and-effect relationship. We love Giah, so we will open our minds to this possibility.
Binta sees that there’s not much she can do for Justine, so she goes over to the mirror and practices more. Dang. Justine says this chance to get back in is slipping through her fingers.
Back at it! I hope everyone had some water! Rita says it’s time to show their stuff and see who is going to rep their squad as Star Girl, which will, again, mean nothing.
Paige reminds us that she was Director X’s favorite during the last video challenge and has a leg up (HA!) because she was a dancer for 86 years and she has the eye of the tiger and the moves of the lynx even though India won that one.
Marissa does some moves with zero commitment.
Courtney is flustered. She reminds us that she has metal rods in her spine, but here she is, not complaining. So totally not complaining.
Tash watches the A team and feels more confident than ever.
The B team does not worry Tatiana because she’s already beaten them. Tash brightened the room. Giah listened and learned and does well.
Squad A’s Star Girl is Paige, because duh. Squad B’s Star Girl is Tash!
This is her first challenge win, so she’s feeling good. Again, this will not matter, but good on you both.
Paige interviews that she thinks Tash, Giah, and Binta all have a good chance, but they have no idea how fierce the competition is now. Well, Binta might, since she left like yesterday.
Giah interviews that now that they’re back in the house, the energy feels off. She theorized that the other girls are intimidated
Marissa is not thrilled to have the house chock full of other women and Cherish’s hat after a tough day. She says she was excited to see Kyle, though, since they really hadn’t said goodbye before. Kyle backs Marissa down the hall and into a cuddle.
Cody and Tash are having a prickly reunion. Cody doesn’t want Tash to steal her thunder the way she has done before.
Justine is back too! Apparently that was some wicked dehydration. She’s bummed that she missed so much rehearsal, but she’s ready to work. Justine practices moves with Paige, including the “grab the titty” move. Paige says Justine has fire.
Kyle and Marissa talk about how they have to view the competition as a game. She doesn’t want her spot taken, but does seem to like the idea of Kyle coming back. Marissa interviews that she likes Kyle’s comforting. Kyle says the competition is out of her hands all she can do is enjoy this. OR PRACTICE, like the other women are doing. You could do that.
The other models practice and practice. The two worst dancers in the house make out. Courtney is pleased that Marissa is distracted and may go home.
Time to dance! Krislian wants this. She’s been practicing all night, Kyle.
Drew says this is going to be insane. They’re doing a squads vs. squads video inspired by “Bad Blood.”
OK, fine. Their designer is Christian Cowan. Drew reminds us that someone is coming back and someone is going home.
Giah says this chance means the world to her. She may get knocked down, but she’s coming back up. Producers, you know you want Giah’s interstitials back in your life. Justine is drinking lots of water and loves music videos, so she’s feeling good.
Marissa notes that she and Kyle were “hanging out” and “being slightly affectionate” and didn’t practice. Good choices, ladies. Paige tells us that the models will be dancing it out in this “super cool underground parking garage.” Well spun, Paige.
Rita bursts out of the back of a van and loves how incredible everyone looks. The video is about fighting for a bag of $100,000, because apparently this week the models are living the high life of cartoon bank robbers.
To take the video to the next level, as we always must, Rita offers up hip-hop artist French Montana. The ladies lose their shit. Giah loves him.
Drew shouts that some literal blowing cash is the money shot. No, Drew. No. Dear Hera, I hope he is kidding. I think he is, but I’m only like 68% sure. French’s role in the video is “the judge,” which makes no goddamned sense whatsoever. Nonetheless, Cody wants to impress him.
India says Paige may be in front, but India is going to work extra hard to prove herself.
Cherish interviews that she doesn’t care who gets kicked out as long as she’s back in. Cherish had been getting zero camera time, though, so good luck with that.
Courtney has been practicing her legs off even though she’s worried she’s the weakest link, and that’s all she can do. I don’t know, Courtney — have you tried making out with someone? Giah says that Courtney is the one to beat because of her face, but it also takes
I don’t know, Courtney — have you tried making out with someone? Giah says that Courtney is the one to beat because of her face, but it also takes character and drive. And Courtney is just not that kind of girl. We must savor every moment we have of Giah.
Tash interviews that Cody has embraced her independence. OK, they’ll do their own thing and they’re fighting head-to-head now.
Drew tells Marissa that she doesn’t have enough energy and she immediately falls into her old pattern and gets defensive instead of bucking up.
She says that getting coaching rains on her parade. I think I know two women who just macked their way off a TV show.
Drew interviews that Marissa let him down. Squad B is up. Rita coaches the ladies to stop smiling and be bad bitches. Giah is in a giant fur hat and is having fun.
Drew loves how Giah used it and didn’t complain about wearing a ton of what I hope is fake fur in the summer heat.
Cherish tells us that she was bringing all of herself into it. She elaborates: “It was like [licks herself], this is me, like, yeah, I’m going to take your place, and I’m going to look good doing it.”
Courtney interviews that Cherish moves like she had a couple of cocktails. Courtney, I think your instincts are good on that point, but take a look at Cherish’s interview footage. Then you will see what a couple of cocktails looks like. (Allegedly.) Fresh off her dance, Cherish is pretty sure that she heard someone compare her favorably to Beyoncé.
Kyle has no doubt that she’s not coming back, but is still giving it her all. Well, except for the part where she’s assuming she has no chance. Cody doesn’t think Tash will replace her, but she does think Tash looks great. Correct.
Giah says the squads facing off at each other is real. Drew says you can really see the tension. Tanisha gets goosebumps. Eh. Jasmine was killing it. Binta danced her ass off. Courtney is nervous. Video DONE!
Time for a GIANT MEGAPANEL!
Rita, wearing Goth snowshoes on her tits, says it’s great to see everyone and reiterates that someone is getting switched out, just in case you somehow whiffed on the concept.
Were you aware that the judges and prizes exist? They do.
Rita shows us the video. It’s… It’s pretty sad, y’all. French Montana, who was brought in to take it to the next level, makes it extra tragic. Mostly he does a lot of pointing.
So instead of a video about two squads of ladies fighting for their own reasons, it’s now two squads of women fighting at the bidding of some dude who has negative charisma because he has no clear idea of what he’s supposed to be doing there. So great messaging all around.
As for the individual performances…
Paige cannot be faulted for confident dancing. Good job, Paige. Law says she went past cheerleader. Tatiana is dinged for focusing on dancing and not giving face. Maybe elaborate choreography shouldn’t be used for two separate challenges, then?
Coryanne is told she looked like one of Rhianna’s girls. Coryanne’s roller coaster of results continues. Marissa is freaking out and says she was lost in the challenge. But man. She was so not trying. Law can’t believe she got styled with such a sexy look and still fizzled. Drew says she just wasn’t there. Marissa tries to argue, and Rita cuts it off.
Courtney cannot dance, but she says she feels great and they sparked a fire under her butt and she really tried. Props to Courtney for dancing through a lime green denim pantsuit and a red, white, and blue spangled halter top. Ashley says the new attitude shows and she’s proud.
India was dressed as a Sexy Chicken on Fire, but she still looked good enough for all the judges to ruin their trousers.
Cody does well with her enormous hat.
Tash looks amazing, like old-school Grace Jones amazing.
She says it was a dream come true to work with Tanisha. Rita likes it that Tash meant business.
Kyle looks better than she has before — a little more intense instead of her usual vaguely pained expression. If Kyle had decided that she maybe had a shot, practiced, and gone hard, I wonder what the results would have been. Rita says it looks like Kyle doesn’t want to be there. Kyle can’t believe she got called back for another shot at the modeling competition but it was just more fucking dancing. And she does have a point with that. But then again, Kyle decide she was out from the get-go, and that certainly influenced both her commitment and the practice she didn’t put in.
Justine collapsed and still showed. The judges love that she worked hard. Binta actually looks pretty good and intense. Ashley opines that Binta was thinking too much, but Drew says she looked perfect.
Rita says this was not Cherish’s best and Cherish tries to brazen it out that she was awesome. Drew, in one of those moments where he tries to give the Models Aspirant some real life advice, begs Cherish to stop imitating the motions of what she thinks is supposed to be sexy and to do what actually feels authentically sexy to her. But Cherish, a bundle of insecurities armored with posturing and catchphrases, is not ready to hear him yet. Be yourself, Cherish. Just be yourself. “So long, bitches!” says Cherish.
The judges like how different Krisilan looks, which means they’re ready to stop calling her too sexy for ten minutes. HOLY SHIT, GIAH LOOKS AMAZING. Ashley says Giah still needs an extra spark. Ashley, I love you but shut the fuck up. Rita correctly calls Giah’s performance impeccable. Law says she was amazing.
Best video: India. She’s become one to watch, people
Runner-up: Paige. Paige, I know you hate coming in second. I hope you understand that they are doing it at least in part to torment you into snapping.
Cody is in. There will be no twin switch today.
It’s down to Courtney and Marissa! Marissa and Courtney! Courtney’s attitude is better, but the competition is stiff. Marissa: WTF. Who stays? Courtney!
Kyle blinks and quietly thinks about easier access to makeouts in whatever cement bunker the Fallen Models are stored in. Marissa is super pissed that she’s going home over a video shoot. She’s not entirely wrong, though some rehearsal wouldn’t have gone amiss. Marissa throws some moderate shade at the girl rejoining the house and vows to become a better model.
OK, time to see who’s switching in! Since it’s the opposite of an elimination, we’re going backward from the usual way, knocking out the bottom performance first and working our way up to the top.
Cherish is out. You do you, Cherish.
And then we knock out:
Binta — She gives a gracious little “Thank you” to the judges.
It’s down to Giah and Tash! Tash and Giah! Two very worthy contenders! Giah was sent home because judges didn’t see a top model in her, but now she has new oomph. Tash won the challenge and brought it for the video. Brought. It.
And Tash is in!
Oh, man. Tash did do well, but I’m sorry that we won’t have Giah’s sweetness and grounded common sense back on the show. Someone hire Giah immediately.
Cody is lightly freaked that Tash is back. Rita says Tash has a tough hill to climb.
Next Week: Amber Rose! They’ll be playing iconic boss ladies! Someone gets called a limp noodle! Who is coasting right now? Who gets told not to get comfortable? We must find out! See you next week!