1. The scariest trainer is usually not the best trainer. This one is the easiest mistake to make, and the one most people keep right on making. You sign up for a gym membership because you feel soft and you sign up for classes or personal training sessions because you want someone to kick your…
WTF, Ted Cruz? Some Pointed Questions for America’s Least-Loved Senator
Thing the first: Ted Cruz loathes Donald Trump. There are lots of mockable, hatable Ted Cruz positions, but this is not one of them. Along with every other horrible thing they did and said to each other during the Republican primaries, Trump publicly and famously went after Cruz’s wife. Cruz has every reason to hate…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 23, Episode 10: Celebrity Impersonations And A Farewell Letter To Paige
Previously: The models made a lightly soul-crushing music video! Marissa went home! Tash came back! Cody got nervous about Tash coming back! Let’s go! Back at the Model House, India has a Best Video up and running again. She’s stoked that Paige was Star Girl, but India got called first in panel when it mattered.…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 23, Episode 9: Implausible Music Video Edition
Previously: It was JUST FREAKING MONDAY of the same week! The models led the high life! Philipp Plein put spangles on Teletubbies or some shit! There was a photo shoot in a jet! Tatiana rocked it! Binta not so much! We have two episodes in one week and it’s killing us! Back at the Model…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 23, Episode 8: Living The High Life But Not Actually Leaving The Ground
Previously: The models danced in a “video” in lunatic clothes! Marissa was a brat! And also irresistible to Kyle! And Kyle got sent home. It’s night at the model house and the ladies are watching India’s Best Video. She’s thrilled to finally stand out and the other models seem genuinely happy for her. It’s a…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 23, Episode 7: You Can Be A Brat But You Can Still Stick Around, Marissa
Previously: The models boxed! Krislian was not tall enough! Kyle was into Marissa and was kind of a creeper about it! Marissa was less into an intense relationship! Kyle stayed! Krislian went! What next? Morning at the model house! Coryanne reads Krislian’s goodbye letter and says she’s not crying for Krislian. I want more context…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 23, Episode 6: Dear God, It’s Body Week
Previously: There was avant-garde fashion in a meat aisle! Courtney illustrated how she was not complaining by extensively complaining! Rita thought they were making a mistake, but Giah got cut anyway! GODDAMMIT. We miss you, Giah! Back at the Model House, Kyle says she’s not doing great because she’s in “mad trouble.” The other models…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 23, Episode 5: Personal Style And The Meat Aisle
Editor’s note: this is, regrettably, a week late, through no fault of the author. We mention it only so you aren’t rooked into thinking this is the recap for episode 6. You’ll get that tomorrow, so hold your horses. Previously: DJ Khaled stopped in for Social Media Week! The models learned about social media via, naturally,…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 23, Episode 4: Panda Hoodies And Paper Parties
Previously: The models got trademark looks and Cherish lost the mind that was encased in all her NATURAL RED HAIR. There were nude photos. Krislian hated her hair and felt less than confident. Courtney wanted everyone to be quiet so she could sleep and ended up arguing with the universe. Cherish got kicked off in…
America’s Next Top Model Cycle 23, Episode 3: New Fights, New Hair, New Nudes
Last week: Walking lessons! Arguments about origins! Zendaya! Trust falls into dudes! And Justine went home! Here we go! The models come back to the Model House. Giah interviews that Justine having to go home suddenly made this contest the real deal. Tatiana reminds us that Cody won Best Photo and is big competition. Tash…
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