[Editor’s note: This recap should have run last week, but we were busy rending our garments and asking our European relatives if we can come live there now maybe. Apologies for the delay.] We should have listened to Below Deck. It has been trying to tell us for weeks that life is random, cruel, and…
A Response to Garrison Keillor’s Delightful Opinion Piece
Dear Mr. Keillor, I read your piece in the Washington Post. It’s meant to comfort us, to let us know that calm life will go on, and we liberals can relax while the Republican elites and the Trumplings fight it out and get disillusioned. You say we liberals can relax and grow heirloom tomatoes while…
17 Reasons to Bury Trump in a Landslide
1. Sarah Palin We need to make it clear that we don’t want Trump’s big, stupid face on our televisions anymore. Remember those months and months and months after McCain lost but the media decided Sarah Palin was ratings gold and we couldn’t escape her angry low-information Beat poetry no matter how much we tried?…
Don’t Woodstock Yourself with This Election
Somewhere between 400,000 and 500,000 people attended the original Woodstock Music & Art Fair in 1969. By the mid-1980s, the number of Baby Boomers claiming to have been there was 73.4 bazillion. That’s because Woodstock, in part thanks to the astonishing music lineup and in part thanks to the documentary released the next year, began…
Below Deck, Season 3, Episode 9: The Subpar Psychic At Sea
Previously: Kelley was after Emily, but Ben swooped in with actual grownup dating tactics. The deckhands couldn’t get anything right. Kyle and Sierra had the worst first date ever. Kelley was mad at Emily, so he laid into Sierra about said first date, which had nothing to do with him. Drunk Kelley and Drunk Lauren…
Below Deck Season 3 Episode 8: Time For An Actual Grown-Up Dinner Date
Last week: Kyle liked Sierra and Sierra didn’t like that Kyle had a daughter; Kelley was bad at flirting and worse at reading people, especially Emily; Kate swooped in over Kelley’s stumbling and put Ben on the case; Ben asked Emily to dinner; there was a sweet proposal amongst the guests; and the deckhands screwed…
Third Presidential Debate 2016: Fun Hillary Meets a Malfunctioning Chucky Doll
Well, after the first presidential debate was far more shocking and bizarre that any of us were prepared for and the second debate was like that video where they blow up a whale carcass on a beach and suddenly everyone is being showered in rotting gore, we finally got a fun one. Hillary “Madame President…
Below Deck, Season 3 Episode 7: Valentine’s Day!
Prevously: Captain Lee got annoyed with Kelley over dirty windows, we met newish deckhand Kyle, Nico and Lauren were in a non-romance, Nico and Kelley both wanted Emily and Kelley was terrible at flirting, Kate’s girlfriend Ro arrived, and Ben was not feeling it. Back at the private resort day from last week! Kelley tries…
New Rules To Stop The Third Presidential Debate From Becoming Another Crazymaking Hellscape
If there’s one thing we can agree on as a nation – and I believe it is literally the only thing we can agree on as a nation – it is that the 2016 Vice Presidential debate was completely useless. The first Presidential debate was useful only as spectacle, provided one can enjoy the spectacle…
Donald Trump As Judas Iscariot
In his short story – really a fictionalized academic essay – “The Three Versions of Judas,” Jorge Luis Borges plays with the idea of Judas Iscariot as the holiest figure in the New Testament. It’s the first version of Judas that interests us here. Borges’s fictional scholar points out that it wasn’t logically necessary for…
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