According to KSAT.COM, Police in San Antonio caught an “alleged” burglar when he was given away by his partner in crime, his Chihuahua. According to the article, the man broke into a local restaurant, broke open a jukebox, and stole $104.00. Of course, he ended up leaving the money at the scene anyway. Police tracked…
Man Attempts Solo Bayonet Charge Against Police
KDKA Pittsburgh reports that Edward Gorinski attacked two Pennsylvania State Police Officers with a World War II bayonet. This story has raised a number of important questions. First, is it possible this guy is actually from the 1940s having been transported by some mystical force we know nothing about a la Kate & Leopold. Maybe…
Police Chase Man Into Ocean. He's Now Facing Charges and Pruney Hands.
According to KSWB San Diego, John Michael White ran from police Sunday and took refuge in the ocean. Apparently, the police all had a healthy, Buster Bluth level of fear of the ocean. They let this guy hang out in the water for about seven hours. After wading in and out of the water for…
The South Will Float Again: Two Men Arrested in Airboat Attack
According to WESH Oralando, an argument between fishermen went from ill advised to absurd when two men rammed another man’s car with an air boat. Mark Rice and Robert Dickson are now facing charges including aggravated assault for their attack on another fisherman with whom they had argued earlier. Rice was driving the air boat,…
Man Flees from Police: Runs Into Police Station (We can't all be winners)
Fox 2 Now in St. Louis gave us this gem of a story. Police pulled over Joseph Meacham in Clayton, Missouri when he ran a red light. Meacham was not going to give up easily, or so he thought. Once police pulled Meacham over, the suspect jumped out of his vehicle and started running away,…
Murderer Betrayed by His Own Ass
According to the Broward Palm Beach New Times, Scott Simon was plotting to murder a poor soul with whom he had gotten into an argument with at a Waffle House. The conspiracy was discovered when he “butt dialed” 911. Of course, 911 recorded the entire conversation in which Simon and his friends plotted the murder.…
New York's Hot Dog Hooker Caught: Montreal's Poutine with Poontang Dealer Still At Large
Dirty New York hot dogs just got a bit dirtier. According to CNN, Catherina G. Scalia (relationship unknown) was arrested for selling old fashioned hot dogs with a complementary ol’ fashioned. According to the article, an undercover police officer called Ms. Scalia to a local motel. There Ms. Scalia performed an unlicensed massage, and offered…
9 Sues 6: Other Multiples of Three Choose Sides
Last week, Lowering the Bar did an interesting piece on the law suit between Magic Hat Brewing Company and West Sixth Brewing Company. Apparently there has been some wrangling recently between the two companies. Magic Hat claims that West Sixth’s logo is to easily confused with the logo Magic Hat uses for its flagship beer…
American Idol Causes More Than Just Your Ears To Bleed
WPMT FOX43 of Central Pennsylvania reports that a Pennsylvania couple “stabbed one another during an argument over which contestant deserved to win ‘American Idol.’” Both Gregory Stambaugh, 57, and Karen Elaine Harrelson, 48 were being held at the fabulous York County Prison at the time the article was written. Apparently they were intoxicated at the…
Your Right to Not Bear Arms
According to CNN, the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence is taking the town of Nelson, Georgia to court over the town’s ordinance that requires “every head of household to have a gun and ammunition.” According to the article, “the ordinance exempts people who ‘suffer from a physical or mental disability,’ felons, ‘paupers’ or people…
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