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Your Right to Not Bear Arms

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According to CNN, the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence is taking the town of Nelson, Georgia to court over the town’s ordinance that requires “every head of household to have a gun and ammunition.” According to the article, “the ordinance exempts people who ‘suffer from a physical or mental disability,’ felons, ‘paupers’ or people who ‘conscientiously oppose maintaining firearms …

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Plaintiff: Weird Old Tip to Lose Belly Fat Made Me Fatter

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James Macungie recently filed a lawsuit against Google. Mr. Macungie alleges that their contextual ad, promising one weird old tip to lose belly fat, did not work as advertised. The tip, according to documents filed in the Norther District of South Dakota, was to drink two glasses of water before every meal. After years of having what doctors called “an …

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Strippers Take the Gloves Off at Zoning Board Meeting

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According to WSWF TV, strip club workers in Atlanta successfully argued against a zoning change that would have forced their clubs to relocate. According to the story which is sourced to the Associated Press, “Residents in the neighborhood say the strip clubs are bringing down property values and contributing to home and car break-ins and other crime.” One of the …

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Libertarian Robin Hoods Battle Parking Authority: Ron Swanson So Happy He Cries for the Third Time Ever

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According to Reuters, James Cleaveland and his gang of merry-coin-giving-men are the subject of a law suit seeking a restraining order to prevent these hoodlums from putting change where it doesn’t belong. In the city’s parking meters. According to the article, “Cleveland and a group of friends took to the streets with pocketfuls of change and began shadowing the city’s …

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Drive-By Masturbator Caught, Tazed, Possibly Into It

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According to the Phoenix Sun Times, police arrested Bret Saltus for a number of crimes stemming from his alleged streak of drive-by masturbations. How did he get into this sticky situation? According to the article on the Times’ blog, “police say he’d pull over his truck, open the doors, and masturbate in front of children, before speeding away.” Saltus was …

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Chinese Movie Director Investigated for Six Counts of Having Children

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The Chinese Government opened an investigation into Zhanga Yimou after rumors surfaced that he may have seven children in violation of China’s one-child policy. The Chinese film director is responsible for the Beijing Summer Olympic Opening Ceremonies that led Eric Cartman (noted American isolationist) to take over a P.F. Chang’s in South Park, Colorado. According to Reuters, Zhang, who was …

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Transvestite of State: Dennis Rodman Becomes Secretary of Keeping it Real [Really]

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Dennis Rodman, transvestite/sports player, took time out of his busy schedule of trying on wedding dresses to tweet at Kim Jung Un. Why? Because Rodman wants his buddy “Kim” to stop being a total d-bag. Mr. Bae is an American business man who was arrested in North Korea because the DPRK says he was trying to topple the country. Bae …

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Woman Busted for DUI While Celebrating Almost Getting Her License Back

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NBC News reports that an Illinois woman was arrested last week for a DUI. When questioned by police, the woman explained that she was drinking to celebrate. Celebrate what, you ask? Getting her license back from her previous DUI suspension. But the woman didn’t actually have her license back yet. According to the Riverside police department, the alleged drunk driver …

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