Let’s have real talk. By the time you see this post, you are under 24 hours away from taking the bar exam. What should you be doing with those last precious hours? What should you do to maximize your ability to not die during the process? Believe it or not, we have tips. And not…
You Cannot Withdraw From A Case Even If Your Client Thinks You Are Satan
So you’re stuck with a client that is That Guy. You know the one. He fired not one, not two, but THREE court-ordered attorneys. Then he decided to represent himself at trial, but wasn’t adequately informed by the judge as to how badly he would likely — and did — fuck up his trial. So the…
How Did We Not Know That David Bowie Was Telling Us All Goodbye?
This is going to be one of the most self-indulgent things I’ve ever written and I don’t even care. There are some artists who, when they leave us, make you feel like you lost a friend. David Bowie wasn’t quite that for me. He was always too ethereal, too otherworldly, to ever be a friend.…
Your Editor-in-Chief’s Top 50 Songs Of 2015
I had a weird year, listening to music-wise. Where I usually spend the better part of a month refining my “best of” list, I just didn’t have it in me to go through my usual ranking and shuffling and re-ranking and reshuffling. And when I sat down to try to explain why each of my…
Young Lawyers, You Have So Many New Office Possibilities
With word that at least one BigLaw firm is literally putting first-year associates in boxes, we tried to figure out what next locational ignominies would be visited upon baby lawyers who once used to dwell amongst the clouds, albeit in one of those middle-of-the-hallway offices rather than a corner suite. Used to be if you landed…
America’s Next Top Model Recapper Writes Play, Smizing Ensues
We are stunned and saddened to learn that our not-yet-driven-to-madness Top Model recapper, Ali Davis, has written a full-length play called Speak Now. This is a problem, because it indicates that Ms. Davis has not been devoting sufficient attention to the oeuvre of Ms. Banks and must be punished with repeat Clockwork Orange-style viewings of back…
Lawyers, Don’t Do This: Special Drinking The Blood Of A Goat Edition
If we here at Bitter Lawyer were to sit down and make a wish list of insane things to write about, this story would pretty much tick off all those boxes. Lawyer? Yep! Voluntarily-adopted pretentious name? Yep. Quixotic run for statewide political office? Yep. Admission that one killed a goat and drank its blood while on some sort…
Lawyers, Don’t Try To Run Over A Judge
There are so, so many things a good lawyer should not do where judges are concerned. For example, do not grumble about pulling jury duty where the judge presiding over the case can hear you. Don’t call a judge a “Catholic Knight Witch Hunter,” whatever that may be. Most importantly, however, do not try to…
What Do You Do When The Court Misplaces Your Case?
You might have seen this making the rounds last week: the Seventh Circuit just stone cold lost a case…FOR FIVE YEARS. A once-closely followed dispute that got a hearing before the U.S. Supreme Court, the conflict involves the ability of investors to sue mutual-fund firms over the fees they charge. It was in 2010 when the U.S.…
God Bless Danny Trejo For This Ridiculous Lawyer Ad
We know that you people can’t get enough of those ridiculous lawyer ads that litter YouTube. Step aside, all other funny lawyer ads. There’s a new game in town, and it stars professional badass Danny Trejo. Yes, he really did just threaten the boogeyman and Waldo, as in Where’s Waldo. Much love to Trejo for…
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