Ugh, this show is the worst.
We had some potential when we started, but now here we are in Thailand, and JoJo’s choices are Robby who left his girlfriend to be on the show and Jordan the failed football player who cheated on his ex. Not sure why this show still pushes the love narrative so hard when it is clearly an experiment to see what kind of terrible stuff audiences will deal with.
Okay, let’s get this contractually obligated experience over with.
Our frame story is Harrison and a large crowd serving as a viewing party. These poor trapped schmucks. In Thailand, Jordan goes to meet JoJo’s family. He brings them silly hats. JoJo’s mom really seems to like Jordan but points out to JoJo that both of them are used to being the center of attention, life of the party, king of the hill, top of the pops…But like every concern JoJo has about Jordan, she brushes her mom’s issues aside. Jordan does not ask her dad for her hand in marriage despite talking about how important that moment would be for him in the last regular episode. I hate that tradition and yet I’m still mad at Jordan! JoJo’s brothers have both been defanged for this appearance on TV and do nothing. “That went so good!” JoJo tells Jordan. I guess it went fine if you ignore the fact he didn’t do the thing you most wanted him to do.
Robby brings flowers for JoJo’s mom. He asks both parents for “Joelle”’s permission to marry her. It definitely seems like the family likes Robby more, but as JoJo listens to their reasoning she defends Jordan and one of her brothers just rolls his eyes like “Why don’t you just marry him then, why are we even here.”
Basically, the whole episode consists of everyone trying to gently point out that maybe JoJo’s choices this season stink and also she should pick Robby, and JoJo totally ignoring them. Her family tells her Jordan didn’t ask for her hand in marriage, and she’s completely stunned. Not enough to not be still 100% into Jordan, but anyway.
JoJo does some more Thailand stuff with Jordan and then Robby. With Jordan, she listens to his halfhearted excuses for not asking for her dad’s blessing. With Robby, she talks about the future. This all takes an exceptionally long time. Let’s skip to the reanimated corpse of Neil Lane.
Robby picks out a ring. It’s nice.
Jordan writes a note AND picks out a ring AND calls JoJo’s mom and dad to ask for their blessing. Jordan’s ring is nicer. Sorry. His handwriting looks like a 5th grader’s.
Robby is super convinced he is getting engaged to JoJo and is very shocked when it turns out that he isn’t! JoJo sobs and says “I wanted it to be you.” Not sure how that’s supposed to make him feel better? They take a ridiculously long walk to the car while JoJo apologizes and cries. Cool.
Jordan arrives, proposes, he kept saying “get on a knee” instead of “get on one knee.” You do realize this is a proposal and not football practice? He says JoJo is his best friend. You’ve known her like six weeks. If I was your real BFF, I’d be like “eff you, guy.” They’re engaged now. Whatever.
The After the Final Rose is ridiculous. Robby has a matching tie and boutonniere?
Chad shows up to make JoJo feel bad about her choices, which is correct. JoJo seems uncomfortable and sad like she didn’t know what she was signing up for adopting this puppy but she would like to give it back. And that’s love, folks! Also for some reason, all of that took three hours. Could’ve been cut down to ten minutes, tops. JoJo Fletcher makes bad decisions.