Yay Buenos Aires! We are within spitting distance of hometowns, and JoJo could be falling in love with several of these guys! This week there will be 2 one-on-one dates, but no rose to be had at the date; there will be a rose for the group date. Alex gets the first one-on-one, which is a trip to the countryside while the other dudes have to take a bus. Alex is exceptionally excited to finally have a one-on-one, and the guys are very excited he can shut up about it now.
Alex and JoJo behave like friends on the whole ride to a ranch, where they will learn to be “true Argentinian gauchos.” Alex gets a beret. JoJo makes bell bottoms look good. It’s annoying. They learn the true art of Argentinian gaucho-ing, which apparently involves romancing horses until they collapse from adoration.
Alex and JoJo spoon with the blissed-out horse, Alex says, “I feel the way love is supposed to feel.” Later, next to a fire, Alex tells JoJo he’s in love with her. JoJo is like “oh…um…” Then she says, “When you say that you’re falling in love with me, I don’t feel as excited by that as I should be.” JoJo realizes she needs to send him home.
JoJo walks Alex out, apologizing the whole way, which is not how you fire someone. Get it together, JoJo. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she says in her interview. Then she looks sadly into a dying fire. Metaphor!!
Jordan and JoJo take a private plane to Argentine wine country. “I feel really strongly about Jordan,” says JoJo. Yeah, we know. They stomp grapes. With their feet.
Then they drink the grape water.
That is not how wine works.
They move on to a pool, Jordan tells her he wants her to meet his “mama.” At first, I thought he said “Obama.” Grown ups don’t have mamas, Jordan.
At dinner, JoJo asks about Jordan’s family. She pretends not to know that Jordan’s “middle brother” is Aaron Rodgers, a distinguished football playing man, by very smoothly interrupting when he refers to “middle brother” with “And that’s…Aaron?” Apparently, they don’t have a relationship. Jordan says he’s not sure if Aaron even knows he’s on the show right now. He says he’s not entitled because he’s failed at a lot of stuff, publicly, due to not being as good at football playing. Anyway, he’s in love with JoJo! Unlike Alex’s declaration of love, JoJo is beyond excited that Jordan is in love with her. She carefully says “I feel loved.”
It’s raining, so the group date is in a hotel suite. James Taylor is bringing his A game, which involves shoving a ton of French fries in his mouth.
They also play charades and of course there’s truth or dare. Robby is dared to go running around in his underwear. Robby apologizes to his grandma for being almost naked on TV.
James Taylor as usual displays no chill on the date, giving Robby nonstop crap and then telling JoJo he’s falling for her. Robby admits he was dating a girl until December, which is super sketchy, doesn’t seem like Robby is a good dude, JoJo!
I don’t really know the name of the other guy. Is it …Chet? Maybe? At one point everyone is all on the same bed and it’s weird, mostly because this isn’t a gigantic California king or anything, so they’re all kind of close together.
The three dudes on the date get some alone time together so Robby can be rude back to JT. “If you’re not a frontrunner, why are you here?” Robby asks. The group date rose is sitting on a birch slab, which is giving me flashbacks to wedding planning. The rustic thing is really happening right now in the world of weddings, people. JoJo gives her rose to the person whose family she’s ready to meet–and that’s Robby. The other two have to leave while JoJo and Robby make out.
The next day, JoJo takes Luke to a ranch, where they ride horses! Luke explains how horses don’t like to have bugs in their nose! They shoot clay pigeons!
Luke is in his element in this farm-ish, shotgun ranch world. It’s unfortunate that JoJo likes Robby and Jordan so much since Luke is pretty great. Team Luke! He knows stuff about horses and shooting clay targets!
JoJo decides to skip the cocktail party and go straight to rose ceremony. James is not thrilled. The guy who might be named Chet(?) is also worried. Oh, his name is Chase. Close enough.
JoJo makes reference again to her time on The Bachelor, saying that when she was at this point last season, it was hard! That doesn’t really help any of the other guys, but ok. Her rose ceremony gowns this season have been flawless. Or as JoJo would say, FUH-LAW-LESS.
Luke, Jordan, Robby (who had a rose) and….Chase are going to hometowns. James Taylor’s folksy little heart is utterly destroyed. James Taylor puts on a brave face as he’s driven away in the Suburban of Shame. (It might be an Escalade of shame? Don’t @ me.) Bye James, never find any chill.
NEXT WEEK these four dudes take JoJo to their homes! JoJo will dig deeper into The Mystery Of Aaron Rodgers, The Mystery Of Robby’s Ex, and The Mystery Of Why Isn’t Luke The Frontrunner, He Is A Lot Nicer Than These Other Guys! Also, Who Is The Other Guy, Is His Name Chet??