Prevously: Captain Lee got annoyed with Kelley over dirty windows, we met newish deckhand Kyle, Nico and Lauren were in a non-romance, Nico and Kelley both wanted Emily and Kelley was terrible at flirting, Kate’s girlfriend Ro arrived, and Ben was not feeling it.
Back at the private resort day from last week! Kelley tries to put lotion on Emily’s unenthused back. He claims she has a sunburn, which it doesn’t look like she has. Sigh. Kate and Ro head to the ladies’ room for some still-wired-for-sound snogging, Ben admits that Kate’s intense romance has taken him by surprise. Ben interviews that he’s dated plenty of people he knew he wouldn’t be with for the long haul; it’s time to meet someone he can see himself staying with.
Kate and Ro canoodle and Kate says absence makes the heart go fonder for some people and it doesn’t for others. But it does for her and Ro. I don’t know – a lot of their kissing looks to me like Ro is moving in for it and Kate is going along with it a little stiffly. She’s mentioned before that she’s not into PDAs and Ro doesn’t seem to be thinking about that at all. Or maybe Kate is just way more conscious of the cameras and consequences since she’s done three seasons of this.
Lauren’s playing around shows that she’s still a little bit into Nico and also a little bit angry with him. She “playfully” shoots him smack in the face with a water pistol.
Kyle and Kelley kayak – good lord, could we have a few cast members without K names? – while Emily and Sierra discuss Kelley Emily says Kelley makes her feel awkward. Which she’s made fairly clear with polite body language that Kelley has ignored. Kelley worries to Kyle that Emily thinks he’s a musclehead. Kyle says she’s definitely interested. Jesus, Kyle. Emily, back on shore, says Kelley is gorgeous but not her type. So, yeah. She thinks he’s a bit of a meathead. This is the first thing Kelley has correctly sussed out about the situation, so I guess we should be happy.
Ben and Emily chat about Kate and Ro. Emily is good at empathizing and delicately mentions that if a guy she had once dated was suddenly making out with a dude all over the place, she might feel a bit weird. She really is one of the most together people on the boat. This bit of understanding does seem to help Ben. He half-jokes that maybe it’s a flattering thing that maybe if she’s not meant to be with him, Kate is done with men.
Ro is really into snogging. You can never assume that you truly know what’s going on with a couple when you’re looking at them from the outside, but to me they really do seem to have the body language that happens when one half of the couple really wants to kiss and just doesn’t check in in any way to make sure the other half is truly digging it. I could be wrong. Maybe it’s just that Ro is super tall and has to do a lean-and-loom to kiss Kate. But Kate keeps kissing her and not deterring the behavior, so maybe I’ll shut up.
Nico openly watches Kate and Ro making out and says “There’s no invite to that. Sell me a ticket.” Gross, Nico. That is 87 kinds of gross. Plenty of people like to watch ladies kiss, yes. There is nothing wrong with that. But if they are real-life ladies, right there, you want to keep the enjoyment in a silent place in your heart and stick to roughly the same rules as for watching a solar eclipse. You know, just like how you wouldn’t sit there and stare at a face-sucking straight couple. And also, just as with a straight couple, it’s not really cool to whine about how you’re not allowed to jump in there for a threesome. There’s nothing wrong with having the thought. But women who date women have that thought announced to them all the goddamned time and it has never once been welcome. So have the thought and keep it locked up safe inside. You will not explode if you do not express it, and they really, truly, for real, will never ever invite you in if you do express it. Just whisper it into a jar or something.
Morning! There are 27 hours to the next charter. Ro is still there, helping Kate with changing a bed. Kate fails to sell Ro on charter-style bedding.
Captain Lee calls Kelley in and tells Kelley to be more proactive and not have his deckhands sitting around waiting for orders while Kelley waits for Lee to tell him what to do. Lee isn’t impressed with just doing your job; he wants to see some initiative.
Ben and Emily talk companionably while they prep. Ben says that Kate and Ro are a noisy couple. (Yes, Nico, that is inconsiderate of them, but no, you still may not say that thing.) Ro comes into the galley to say goodbye. It’s awkward as all hell because it’s partly Ro being polite and saying goodbye, partly Ro being weirded out because she’s on camera, and partly Ro pissing a circle around Kate. Ben is nice about it. He interviews that he really does want Kate to be happy, and I believe him. They clearly have a genuine warm connection, whatever else has happened between them.
Kate and Ro kiss goodbye. They won’t see each other again until the end of the season and Kate says this was a nice midpoint break. JESUS CHRIST, IT’S THE MIDPOINT OF THE SEASON. There can’t really be seven more episodes, can there?
The water slide has arrived! Kelley hates slides so much. They take forever to set up and then the guests get bored and the deck hands have to put on smiley faces while they put the slide away after three minutes of joy. Kyle is injured before they even get the slide out of the delivery van, and then is apparently injured three more times. I can’t figure out if Kyle is accident prone or just cheerfully willing to get battered during the workday.
Kelley wants to have the deck hands haul the entire rolled-up and packaged slide up onto the boat, but Lee points out that there is no place on the boat to undo everything. He also tries to get the deck hands to find the paper documentation sooner rather than later. Kelley bitches that Lee has come in to micromanage. Well, maybe. But Lee did make a couple good points that Kelley didn’t seem to have thought of.
Sierra and Kyle chat by the hot tub. He’d like to take her fishing. That’s an interesting first date. Sierra seems to smile at him for an oddly long time before answering OK, but maybe that’s editing.
Come on, show. We keep getting told that Sierra is super-scary-crazy, but we’ve seen none of that except for a tendency toward New Age health fads and one night of feeling underpraised during a difficult dinner service. Either Sierra is getting shortchanged or we are.
Kyle interviews that he has a complicated relationship with women. He falls in love quickly, and he’s like date, dinner, let’s go. That gets him into trouble. (And parenthood.) There’s an odd moment where Kyle wants to take her out to dinner and then seems surprised (or perhaps joke-surprised) that she assumes he’ll pay. (I’m not a fan of assuming that the man will pay, but Sierra seems to have assumed that the one who does the asking out pays, which is legit.) Sierra offers to go Dutch, and Kyle is affronted and then they’re back to joking. We’ll put the whole thing down to the barrier of their common language.
Ro is gone and Ben offers Emily green tea. Kate says they’re cute and can have afternoon tea together too. He seems relieved to be back to his old rhythm with Kate. I have a feeling Kate is a little bit relieved too.
Aww. Kyle sends his check home to his daughter and his baby mama right away. He explains that they conceive their daughter on their first date, in Soho Square in a bin shed. Ah, romance.
Sierra walks with Kyle to send money home and finds out along the way that it’s going to his daughter. This clearly wasn’t what she had in mind. She says it’s noble that he’s providing for his child and her mom, but it’s a red flag. Sierra asks how old his daughter is and Kyle deflects for a bit because he knows it’s a turn-off. After Sierra asks a second time, he says she’s two and a bit. (The captioner thinks he says “two in a bit.” We’ll have to agree to disagree.)
Time for the prep meeting for the next guesties! There are two primaries, Steve and Rachel, and they and their friends are “celebrating life and Valentine’s Day.” Urgh. Steve wants to propose to Rachel on the first night as a surprise so they can celebrate the whole trip. Captain Lee, Kate, and Ben, no strangers to how surprise proposals can go, joke lightly about contingency plans. I bet they really thought of at least a few.
Lee is not big on elaborate proposals. When Kate asks him how he proposed to his wife, Lee says “I just asked her if she wanted to marry me.” Heh. I like Captain Lee.
Ben, Emily, Kelley, and Kate eat sushi and chat about Kate and Ro. Ben interviews that he would be a big lesbian if he could. Sigh. Straight boys, saying that is less open and cute than you think it is. They all go to bed while leaving the Styrofoam containers and leftover sushi out.
Morning! Kelley wishes Emily a happy Valentine’s Day. He asks her if she has a valentine and she says no while trying to will herself to have gecko feet so she can climb straight up the wall and escape. Kelley says that if she doesn’t have a valentine, he’ll have to change that. Emily takes evasive action.
Lee, looking for some breakfast, finds the sushi remains from last night just sitting there in Styrofoam trays all left out in the galley. It is weird that they did that. They’re all people who have tidying duty eventually and it’s odd that they walked away. Lee is annoyed at having to look at someone else’s trash lying around.
Emily and Kate, in a scene that is, in my estimate, 63% staged, talk about how Emily has gotten no V-day messages and has never gotten Valentine’s Day flowers except from her dad. Kate can’t believe it. (Nor can I. Emily is a catch. Stop invading her space with sunblock and try a little romance, fellas.) Kate thinks it would be nice if Emily got some flowers.
Kate, in an absolute master stroke, goes to Ben and says that she has a flower order coming for the guests. She’ll add one for him to give to Emily. Ben clearly likes the idea, but he doesn’t want to scare her. Kate says she’ll be flattered. Kate, in an interview, explains her Cupiding: Ben tends to go for slender women who are much younger, and Emily has that plus she’s smart and British and she and Ben already get along well. It’s tough to argue with Kate’s logic.
Lee calls Kelley to clean up the food left over in the crew mess. Kelley is annoyed because clearly it was four of them eating and he doesn’t feel cleaning the crew mess is necessarily a deck crew problem. Ben and Emily see Kelley catch hell for the group’s trash and whisper like naughty pixies.
Kate grabs the flowers as they arrive – Blue roses?
Really Kate? Maybe Emily is a huge Glass Menagerie fan – and works to make them look less cheeseball. Ben frets about the placement of baby’s breath. Aww. Kate says he looks nervous.
Ben rushes around properly placing the flowers for Emily’s discovery even though the new guests are boarding. Ben makes it up in time and everyone wishes everyone else a Happy Valentine’s Day. I have to admit: Taking a chartered Caribbean cruise beats the hell out of fighting for a restaurant reservation and trying to walk the fine line between romance and corporate-mandated spending.
Kate gives the boat tour. Why do we see the tour so much this season? This time, to mix things up, Kate shows us the robot toilet. I’m not sure it’s worth getting the tour again. Nor is the robot toilet pun Kate makes, which I will spare you.
The guests revel in how they have a bigger boat than the other boats. People. Have we really never heard that it’s the motion of the ocean? Well, anyway, the guests are happy and feel that they’re crushing it.
Emily finds the flowers from Ben. Well, “from” Ben. She’s surprised and girlishly delighted. This is where we must bow to the genius of Kate. (Or to the genius of a Bravo story producer who decided that by god, someone is going to get laid on this boat, but for the sake of our sanity, let’s go with Kate being a genius.) She spotted Emily’s intelligence and emotional maturity and that she and Ben enjoy each other’s company. She also completely ignored Nico and Kelley as possibilities for flower delivery because they have been going at this like Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots.
Hey, fellas! If your game is so good, why did you not think of flowers or a book of poetry or something else Emily might like on Valentine’s Day? Is it perhaps because you are thinking about the pursuit, and not actually about Emily?
And mostly Kate knew that Ben’s being funny and interested in Emily as a person and not finding excuses to put his hands all over her and pick her up in the pool would trump anything in Nico or Kelley’s bags of tricks. We should all hope and fear that Kate may one day take a firm hand on our love lives.
Steve, the guest who wants to propose, consults with Kate on question-popping strategy. Excellent choice, Steve.
Emily gives Ben a hug to thank him for the flowers and Kate does an excellent impression of a woman who doesn’t know what happened. “THIS guy!” says Kate, walking away just like a woman impressed by how spontaneously great her pal can be. Emily says she’ll be smiling all day. Well done, Kate. If she decides she’s done with yachting, Kate should become a professional Cyrano.
Sierra is dispatched to pull the ring box from Steve’s backpack and give it to his best friend for safekeeping. I am briefly concerned that the proposal will be happening right now, while Steve is still in his tank top, and was almost too horrified to go on. That was not actually the case, and I’m sorry I called you a motherfucker in my notes, Steve. You didn’t deserve that.
Kate and Sierra have the ring box down below and Kate proposes to Sierra: “Will you be my laundry girl?” See? Kate and Sierra still have a fun relationship. Where is the crazy we were so lavishly promised?
Emily asks Sierra to guess who the roses are from. She guesses Ben second, after Kyle (?!), but isn’t really serious. She seems pleased when she hears that Ben did it. I like it that she’s happy for Emily, and also Sierra is correct in her happiness: Of any of the men in play, it would be most intriguing to find out that Ben is interested you. You could bet that you’d captured a piece of his brain instead of just his eyeballs and competitive instincts.
The guests eat lunch and they seem really appreciative. That always such a good sign. They should eavesdrop on all the guests for the first meal. The appreciative ones who enjoy the meal and the day get to have a lovely cruise. Entitled grumpheads will be “accidentally” left on a deserted coral atoll for three weeks.
Kelley is being proactive by putting out every last water toy, chickenshit pool and all. He says that the guests always want the pool and all the water toys, so why not get it done while they’re at lunch. And then the boys then start doing “controlled pull-ups,” because of course they do.
The guests, however, do not want the chickenshit pool. These guests have moxie and humanity and joy in their hearts, and they want to snorkel for real. I like you so much, guests. They let Lauren know that they would like to go snorkel at 12:45 and she tells the others.
At 1:35, Steve checks in and Kelley is all “You want to go snorkeling right now?” Way to be proactive, Kelley.
Ben, with a surprising amount of sentiment for him, thinks he’d like to make a red velvet cake for a Valentine’s Day proposal. (Ben hates to make cakes. He must really be getting on board with this love thing.) He says Rachel’s not in love if she doesn’t cry at the proposal. Come on, waterworks!
Oh, lord. Snorkeling is still not happening because the chickenshit pool is in the way of the tender boat, which is how the guests will get to snorkeling. They can’t get the tender anywhere near the right spot to pick up the guests. The deck hands decide to nudge the pool aside and basically run into the pool with the boat. This looks stupid and the deck hands know it and they also know that the guests are watching this parade of stumblebumery. No one is anywhere close to snorkeling.
Captain Lee has enough and stomps down to take over, saying that Kelley “could fuck up a two-car funeral.” I’m stealing that. We all are.
Lee sees the deckhands failing to deal with the wind and the current and the giant fake pool and says you have to adapt to whatever is happening in the water. Lee is also annoyed at the poor line handling of the deck hands as the tender finally pulls up. The guests wonder what the return policy is on the chickenshit pool. At 2:25, nearly two hours after the guests said they’d like to go snorkeling, they’re finally casting off… And they’ve left one of the guests behind and have to go back and do it all again. Nico can’t believe how embarrassing that was.
Sierra asks Emily if she knew that Kyle has a daughter. Apparently Sierra was the only one who missed that information on his first day. She says it doesn’t put her off, but it’s a lot of pressure.
The guests snorkel and seem happy. Kelley wonders why everything backfires on him. He thinks putting out the pool was proactive – and with most guests, that would have been a pretty good bet – and look where it got him? Nico and Lauren are also not crazy about how being proactive worked out. They put away the pool that nobody asked for, wanted, or used. I think Lee says this made some more lead in his pencil. WHAT? I think he and I have learned different meanings for that phrase.
Emily asks Kelley from across the deck if they’re looking forward to getting off again. She keeps her distance. He tries to get her to go on Kyle and Sierra’s fishing date as some sort of double fishing date. NO. She says it’s awkward – she’s not into Kelley and she might like Ben.
Ben frets sweetly about his proposal dinner. He doesn’t want Rachel to say no because of an overcooked steak. Kate is gushy about the fact that the crew and guests are all in love. Yes, she’s in the early stages of a relationship all right. Still, these guests are indeed sweet.
Sierra says this fishing thing with Kyle is not really a date with Kyle because he doesn’t even know her. Which is a fair point. Emily says it’s nice that Kyle wants to court Sierra. Kate won’t shut up about love. Ben wonders if he’s getting mature enough that love could actually happen for him.
Steve the primary is mature enough and now he wants to propose and he is really starting to sweat. Hang in, Steve. You have heart and moxie. And you disdained the chickenshit pool. You’re going to be OK.
Ben sends out heart-shaped desserts. Steve is freaking the hell out. Kate is scared too. This will either be really good or really bad. Correct. I used to work at a comedy theater where people for some reason liked to do very public surprise proposals and when the proposee either wouldn’t say yes or clearly didn’t want to it was like everyone in the room got skewered in the heart and we had to spend the rest of the evening writhing around as a human shish kebab of discomfort.
Steve starts off and says it was a great day and he wants to acknowledge how fortunate he is for all that. I like him. Can we all agree that we like Steve? Good. He then says that he gets to wake up each day and gets to kiss Rachel, and he wants to keep that going forever. He seems to hesitate from nerves, but that looks like editing, as it’s right then that we go to commercial.
When we get back, Steve sweetly gets down on one knee and then switches knees and whips out the ring box and Rachel is hugging him and crying and saying yes before he’s even finished proposing. Well done, everyone! Kate loves how much love there is in the air and the fact that Rachel and Steve are going to tell the story of that day for their friends and their family and maybe their eventual kids and grandkids. That is a great way of looking at it. And doubtless a satisfying day for guests and crew alike.
The deckies are eavesdropping on Sierra and Emily about Kyle and Kelley and the upcoming fishing expedition. Sierra is backing off from spending an intense afternoon with Kyle and wants to double date. OK, Sierra, I know you want a buffer, but you know that Emily isn’t all that keen on Kelley. Maybe Sierra isn’t so much nuts as she is a tad self-absorbed. Nico and Lauren laugh their asses off. Kyle is annoyed at the presumption that Kelley and Emily might come along. He didn’t charter a boat to take everyone on the crew fishing. Nico is also annoyed. He doesn’t like that both Kyle and Kelley are going to go romance fishing while he and Lauren have to clean the boat on their own. He has a point.
Aww, there’s heart made of rose petals on the bed for the guests.
Kate is a hell of a wingwoman.
Sierra is uncomfortable at how persistent Kyle is, and that he’s automatically assuming that their fishing afternoon is going to be a full-blown romantic thing when they’re not dating and don’t know each other. Nevertheless, Sierra apologizes to Kyle for inviting the others, saying she just assumed the more the merrier. Uh huh.
At least Nico and Lauren are a team again. They’re bonding over the others expecting the two of them to clean the boat by themselves. They should have the others come back to find them making out in a boat that’s covered in confetti and spilled champagne.
Kate and Ben are talking about the Seven Dwarves (What? Why?) and Ben says he’s Bashful. He’s thinking about taking Emily to dinner, but he says he feels like a schoolgirl around her now. Ben says it’s been many years since he’s asked an English Rose out, if he’s ever really done that at all. Kate loves it that Ben is nervous and thinks it’s a good sign. Ben says he needs to digest, and please don’t “pressurize” him. Kate, by the way, was hand-making a door sign that says “Just Engaged” during this conversation. One step too far, Kate.
Ben realizes that he and Kate have been having a full-voice debate about asking Emily out to dinner while Emily has been wandering around right nearby. Ben is mortified. But he’s going to get in there and ask. Kate pumps up Ben like a boxer and it’s adorable. Kate! You need to make this a business! You’ll be rich and can charter boats of your own!
Kate can’t believe how nervous Ben is. She and Kyle watch all sneaky-like as Ben makes his move. Emily says “Where did this come from?” and we think we’re headed to Disappointment City. But then she says dinner would be lovely! Aw, pasty English love! Ben says he’ll see her and then and then refers to the awkward ship phenomenon of making a date with someone and then running into them 87 times before the date because you live and work together in the same confined space. Ben is annoyed that Kate pushed him, but she doesn’t care because she’s so happy. She loves it that Ben is nervous. Also I think she likes the tidiness of her and Ben both being attached, but I’m sure we’ll get to that eventually.
Next week: Emily lets Lauren and Nico know that she’s going to dinner with Ben! Lauren predicts that Kelley will flip! Kate says Sierra needs to go for it because Kyle is real-life British Ryan Gosling! Kyle is hurt because Sierra ignores him on their fishing date! Kelley is angry that someone with actual game moved in on Emily! There will be intrigue and pissiness! See you back here!