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endings

Liveblog: The 2016 Democratic National Convention Roll Call!

  Bitter Staff /   July 26, 2016 /   Endings, Featured /   Leave a Comment

It has been brought to our attention here at Bitter Empire that the Roll Call is the greatest pageant and trivia session of our time, so ROLL up your sleeves and join us for some good old-fashion live-blogging of the 2016 DNC Roll Call – gavel-in at 3pm EST!

We even have a Roll Call theme song!

In honor of Hillary going over the top, we give you the greatest celebratory vine of all time. Today, we are all this awesome woman.

Brandi July 26, 20163:14 pm

I’m really excited to talk about the DNC Roll Call. Roll Call is the Olympics Opening Ceremonies for wonky people. I wish there were costumes though.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:16 pm

I spent a lot of time searching for funny images and came up empty. There are a lot of people that used to wear dapper straw hats though.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:17 pm

LIVEBLOGGING!

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:17 pm

So much more variety than undeadblogging.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:17 pm

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:17 pm

There were people that used to wear dapper straw hats. That should come back

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:19 pm

StrawHats4Lyfe

Brandi July 26, 20163:19 pm

I think political conventions should also have cosplayers. I would love to dress a parrot up as an eagle in a patriotic top hat and walk around with it on my shoulder.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:19 pm

OK, I’m taking the bullet and switching to Fox.

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:20 pm

godspeed Ali, godspeed

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:20 pm

Fox News is for real just running Neil Cavuto interviewing Ben Carson while trashing the DNC e-mails.

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:21 pm

EJ Dione never looks like I think he should (MSNBC-ing)

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:21 pm

Wait, Brandi, how do I fund the kickstarter for the parrot eagle thing?

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:21 pm

Brandi, do we know for sure who will be gaveling in? I know we’re all praying for it to be her.

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:22 pm

I think the patriotic parrot eagle needs to be a Bitter Empire budget item for ’20.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:22 pm

I don’t have to drink every time Fox News runs a Cialis commercial, do I? I want to live.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:23 pm

Bets on which state goes the longest with their book report about the great things in their state?

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:23 pm

oh look – it’s tussled, rolled-up sleeves guy on MSNBC who’s usually magic-screening

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:25 pm

I’m so glad the Dems didn’t go with the GOP convection oven set design.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:26 pm

Fox News talking about how Trump is so gonna win. This did not burn them at all in 2012.

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:26 pm

I saw someone call the DNC set a cheese grater, a very unpatriotic cheese grater

Brandi July 26, 20163:26 pm
In 2008 the secretary ran the roll call, so I’m going to guess that Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake, who somehow forgot to actually use the gavel when gaveling in yesterday, will be running roll call.
Ali Davis July 26, 20163:27 pm

Related: Can I get an eternal loop of Rove flipping out over the 2012 Ohio results?

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:27 pm

I’m not seeing the cheese grater.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:28 pm

The DNC set looks like a side-game of Tron to me.

Brandi July 26, 20163:28 pm

There’s someone on CSPAN questioning whether Trump has lied about anything yet. “I’m not saying I like Trump or anything…but what has he lied about yet.” Everything, girl.

Also, the CSPAN host is sharing facts about this arena, including the number of Springsteen concerts it has hosted. Oh yeah, he’s read for ROLL CALL!
Ali Davis July 26, 20163:28 pm

Fox News still doing that thing where they say “the Democrat party” instead of “the Democratic party” like it’s a sick burn.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:29 pm

ali, ask and you shall receive

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:29 pm

Thank you.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:30 pm

C-Span has found the nicest man to to talk to

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:31 pm

The woman on the floor for Fox News seems to be wearing Michelle Obama’s dress from last night. That’s weird, right?

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:31 pm

GAVEL IN ALREADY

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:31 pm

Super weird

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:31 pm

Marica Fudge! God, I love that name.

Brandi July 26, 20163:31 pm

GAVEL IN!

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:31 pm

Who decided the Liberty Bell looked enough like a zero to roll with it in the logo?

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:32 pm

i can’t get enough of that gif

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:32 pm

srsly that Rawlings gif NEVER GONNA GET OLD

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:32 pm

It is the best gif

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:32 pm

Fudge’s neck jewelry is ON POINT

Brandi July 26, 20163:32 pm

OLDER BLACK WOMEN ARE MY FAVORITE CONVENTION GO-ERS.

I say this as a younger black lady.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:32 pm

Actually legit into this ADA shoutout.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:33 pm

I am already so resentful that I’m watching Fox. Oh, THAT’S how it works!

Brandi July 26, 20163:33 pm

Did she just wander away like she’s pulling a Biden or something?

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:33 pm

i feel like marcia fudge just sort of wandered off?

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:34 pm

“Pulling a Biden” needs to be a thing immediately.

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:34 pm

And really – “pulling a Biden” could encompass a multitude of things

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:34 pm

maybe she went to get ice cream.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:34 pm

Fox News trying to troll Bernie supporters into disrupting the Roll Call. Because so many of them are watching Fox.

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:36 pm

shout out to this Reverend, tho

Brandi July 26, 20163:36 pm

Bows head


Oh Person We Pray To:
Please let this be the most lit roll call of our time. Please bless us with ice cream and Joe Biden eating dilly bars. Please let Amy Klobuchar wear a sash while MN shares some factoids. Please let Kansas and Missouri fight over stuff that happens in Kansas City. Please let Michelle Obama drop a mixtape right after roll call. Please let Bernie Sanders be the one suspend roll call and move to nominate Hillary Clinton and please, Person We Pray To, please let Bill Clinton keep his shit together.
In WordPress We Blog.
Amen.
Ali Davis July 26, 20163:37 pm

You can’t see whoever the Reverend is because Fox is STILL trying to troll their nonexistent Bernie viewers.

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:39 pm

Did Fox and Friends go full tilt teeth gnashing that DNC dare say the Pledge of Allegiance?

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:40 pm

Also super nice time to have this kid Star Bangled Bannering

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:40 pm

They Bernie-trolled THROUGH THE PLEDGE. Someone’s getting flogged. Or maybe they wanted to pretend the Dems don’t do that.

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:41 pm

Thought for a sec they were going to say Tom Hardy tbh

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:42 pm

Fox still trying to start a fight among people who are not watching the network.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20163:42 pm

Is it too late to nominate Tom Hardy for something? I mean, I’m just saying, I would vote for Tom Hardy for, like, Senator from Florida or something.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:43 pm

Neil Cavuto just asked if Bill Clinton is the man who can “finally pull the party back to the center.” I may need a stress ball.

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:43 pm

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:43 pm

I would want Tom Hardy to always be riding around strapped to the front of a truck, though.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:44 pm

Are you sure? Because now we’re pretending that Democrats simply don’t care about terror.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:44 pm

I’d vote for Tom Hardy to be anything, really. Especially if he’s holding a puppy.

Brandi July 26, 20163:45 pm

Ali please stop watching Fox and all their malarkey!

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:45 pm

Neil Cavuto actual real question: “Is it a Tragedy? Or is it a depraved outrage?”

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:46 pm

https://www.amazon.com/How-Good-bye-Depression-Constrict-Everyday/dp/0595094724/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1469565961&sr=8-1&keywords=anal+malarkey

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:46 pm

Tom Harkin – you sweet wonderful man

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:46 pm

Tom Harkin making me tear up a little bit, not gonna lie.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:46 pm

Dammit. I’ll re-post. I have given that book as a gift.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:47 pm

Fox not running Tom Harkin in favor of commercials.

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:47 pm

Hip To Be Square? Can we talk about the music here folks

Brandi July 26, 20163:47 pm

Tom Harkin and Rep. Rick Nolan in a buddy comedy.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:47 pm

WEIRD MUSICAL INTERLUDE TIME: HIP TO BE SQUARE

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:48 pm

Brandi – 10/10 would watch

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:48 pm

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20163:49 pm

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:49 pm

alison grimes is a decade younger than me and what am i doing with my life?

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:50 pm

You literally cannot tell that there are speakers happening if you’re watching Fox. They’re claiming that the Democrats are WAY more unruly than last week’s RNC.

Brandi July 26, 20163:50 pm

“Hip to Be Square” is Tim Kaine’s walk up music. And what he listens to every morning to get hype for another day of reading bills and whatever else he does.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20163:50 pm

Ali — is ANYONE disrupting today? I haven’t heard a single thing so far.

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:50 pm

No but Ali that book

Brandi July 26, 20163:51 pm

Of course Chelsea named one of her kids Aiden. OF COURSE.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:51 pm

Can you prove that book WON’T work?

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:51 pm

Brandi, that’s sacrilege. If the Replacements ‘Let it Be’ is Tim Kaine’s fave album, his walkup music is “I Will Dare”

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20163:51 pm

Look, Brandi, white people have an Aiden quota in the 2000s. It’s the law.

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:53 pm

Democratic Senator on Fox just got asked if he wants to make America look like Europe.

Brandi July 26, 20163:53 pm

If I were a delegate, I’d probably have run on stage by now, shouted “ROLL CALL!” and re-gaveled in. Get to the Big Show, My Fellow Americans!

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:53 pm

ali-davis I’ll keep you posted. Maybe that’s what’s keeping me from achieving my full potential like Alison here

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:53 pm

Yes!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:54 pm

brandi-brown why AREN’T you a delegate??

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:54 pm

Also if I were the delegate who got to shout, I would make up facts about my state. THE BAKING SODA QUEEN OF THE MID-ATLANTIC!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20163:54 pm

What are they chanting right now?

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:55 pm

According to Fox, it’s Hail Collectivism and Satan.

Brandi July 26, 20163:56 pm

What if there are Superdelegates at the DNC who are like, “I’m still not sure, lemme see what is said in these nominating speeches.”

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:56 pm

really – you had to go with the lei (ley? Leia?) else we wouldn’t know you’re from Hawaii?

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:56 pm

BRB falling in love.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20163:56 pm

tinlizzy she had a volcano hat, but she decided to leave it at home

Brandi July 26, 20163:57 pm

She probably chose to wear the lei. Classic Hawaii politician move. Amirite, Mr. President?

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20163:57 pm

If Obama wore it, Fox News would call it a “terror wreath.”

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:58 pm

“Do real Americans wear Hawaiian things? I do not think so.” Fox, probably

Ali Davis July 26, 20163:58 pm

I’m feeling sad for all the “getting lei-d” jokes the delegates must have to endure at both conventions.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20163:59 pm

ali-davis ok, but they get to go home to freaking HAWAII, so on balance I think they still come out ahead.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20163:59 pm

See, that’s why i wouldn’t wear it, because you’d be the subject of those jokes.

tinlizzy July 26, 20163:59 pm

Fair point, Colin.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:01 pm

Your reminder that Joe Biden is the greatest and will unify anything.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:01 pm

JESUS CHRIST, THE FIVE IS COMING ON. I have to turn off Fox. Also they’re not showing anything lest someone hear liberal thoughts directly instead of interpreted through the Filter of Depravity.

Brandi July 26, 20164:02 pm

DNC: Who do you want to nominate you?
Bernie: Gimme a union guy straight out of central casting!
DNC: Say no more!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:02 pm

I can never think of The Five again without thinking of that Sam Bee segment on The Daily Show.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:03 pm

It’s the living worst.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:03 pm

yesterday had some union guys whose heads were perfectly square. it was impressive.

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:03 pm

This man is like an enthusiastic panda

Brandi July 26, 20164:04 pm

I hope Bill Clinton’s keynote ends with him promising Hillary Clinton a new cat if she wins the Presidency.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:04 pm

Speaking of Sam Bee.

Brandi July 26, 20164:04 pm

FREEZE THE FLOOR!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:05 pm

What kind of jacket is Hillary wearing in that pic?? “southwestern lady”

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:05 pm

This guy is SO happy to be there.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:05 pm

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT FREEZING THE FLOOR IS

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:05 pm

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE WOMAN THAT FULL FRONTAL INTERVIEWED

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:05 pm

IT’S THAT LADY FROM FULL FRONTAL LAST WEEK!!

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:05 pm

That weird reportorial dick-swinging over who has been to more conventions.

Brandi July 26, 20164:05 pm

It means that if you leave the floor you vote will not be counted and no one who is not eligible to vote is allowed to be on the floor. It basically stabilizes the floor for counting votes.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:06 pm

Dammit, I need to get on C-SPAN.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:07 pm

Oh crap oh crap I switched to CNBC by mistake.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:09 pm

Here’s the youtube of the neverhillary lady on sam bee

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:11 pm

God. Finally on C-SPAN. It’s so weird to just see the thing without a bunch of masturbatory punditry.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:11 pm

Props to this near-perfect camouflage.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:11 pm

Hah, you can tell they were like “HEY, HILLFOLKS, EVERY TIME THEY SAY HER NAME, SHOUT LIKE YOUR PANTS ARE ON FIRE.”

And thank God.
Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:11 pm

I love barbara mikulski and want her to be my grandma sort of

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:12 pm

Second.

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:12 pm

purify yourself in the waters of c-span, Ali!

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:12 pm

Mikulski is here to do some nominating and she will not brook any fucking around.

Brandi July 26, 20164:13 pm

Lemme be the first to move that we suspend the speeches and move to the roll call.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:13 pm

Seriously, if there’s a senator I wouldn’t want to piss off, Mikulski is pretty high on the list.

Brandi July 26, 20164:13 pm

Hold on, Hillary Clinton is going to do something about mac and cheese? Because I’m really sick and tired of people underseasoning their mac and cheese. No damn excuse.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:13 pm

SECOND, BRANDI!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:14 pm

Isn’t John Lewis next tho? I’m here for John Lewis

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:14 pm

She’s the twin of my 2nd grade teacher Mrs. Myers

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:14 pm

Fewer speeches, more outfits and state facts!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:14 pm

brandi, white people under-season EVERYTHING

Brandi July 26, 20164:14 pm

I can’t show any bias. I am neutral. Eyes on the prize and get to the roll call. Unless Michelle Obama has a song or something she’d like to share with us.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:14 pm

Hillary Clinton is for true mac and cheese casseroles.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:15 pm

Snipy, you have not eaten with my mom.

She too has hot sauce in her bag.
tinlizzy July 26, 20164:15 pm

hot dishes, Ali.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:15 pm

the homemade signs done in marker (looking at you, texas) are adorable.

Brandi July 26, 20164:15 pm

Bill Clinton would have left her if she did not get on the seasoned food train. Even if it was not political expedient.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:15 pm

Fuck yes John Lewis up in here.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:15 pm

I have never eaten hot dish, but I am so fascinated by it.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:16 pm

John Lewis is up and already inspiring. I’m guessing Fox is either interviewing a Satanist for Hillary or has just cut to a test pattern.

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:17 pm

I think hot dish is just the bastardized version of some scandahoovian word but is entirely and exactly the same as a casserole.

Brandi July 26, 20164:17 pm

I just put $5 on a microwavable plate and passed it to my cat as soon as Rep. John Lewis started speaking. Preach, sir. PREACH.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:17 pm

hot dish is…not good

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:17 pm

but did your cat kick in tho?

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:18 pm

Cat “made change” and now it’s $3.57

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:18 pm

(I say this as a proud cat owner.)

Brandi July 26, 20164:18 pm

Jumping back to hot dishes…We need to talk about the Minnesota Delegation’s Hot Dish competition between speeches.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:19 pm

Hot dish seems to be like British pudding. It is all things and no things.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:19 pm

Did Al beat Michele-with-one-L? I don’t remember

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:20 pm

I do love the hand-made signs. Do you take them on the plane with you, or do you make them in your hotel room?

Brandi July 26, 20164:20 pm

My cat ran away. As she is scared of everything. I’m looking at my cat like…

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:20 pm

Damn this lady started DARK.

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:21 pm

hot dish is also whatever the shit you have lying around tossed into a baking dish and baked on 375 for an hour

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:21 pm

I think “I was born on a dirt floor” could be the new born in a log cabin. She better run for stuff.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:22 pm

spotted: american flag headband on NY delegate

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:22 pm

srsly she is FIERCE

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:23 pm

I hadn’t seen the “Do the most good” signs yet. That is awesomely Vulcan.

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:23 pm

ROLL CALL!!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:23 pm

HERE WE GO

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:24 pm

“I’m a woman, a PoC, a combat veteran, and I was raised by two gay ladies. LOL EAT IT, GOP.”

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:24 pm

Lisa do we have any more Baby Bell Cheese??

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:24 pm

“We are the delegates from the great state of Delaware! We too exist!”

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:24 pm

it’s Stephanie Rawlings y’all!!

Brandi July 26, 20164:24 pm

We are ready, Stephanie Rawlings-Blake. MY BODY IS READY FOR ROLL CALL!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:25 pm

Stephanie Rawlings-Blake’s hair is SO GOOD

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:25 pm

very new wave dress design happening there

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:25 pm

Truth.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:26 pm

‘bama football shoutout

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:26 pm

Alabama, DO NOT LEAD WITH FOOTBALL.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:26 pm

i feel like that was pretty short, alabama

Brandi July 26, 20164:26 pm

Alabama! Alabama always mentions football first. Don’t you have a bunch of rocket scientists there?!

Brandi July 26, 20164:26 pm

“Don’t y’all have one more?”

Amazing.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:27 pm

Alaska, you’re a downer

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:27 pm

Hello, you crazy Alaska hippies.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:27 pm

Alaska delegation is so baked.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:27 pm

“Don’t y’all have one more” is my favorite non-Michelle convention moment so far.

Brandi July 26, 20164:27 pm

Alaska!

Alaska has a black woman in a dashiki! Can I get a screenshot of this?

Alaska came with some census-level knowledge.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:28 pm

Samoan delegates are DAPPER.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:28 pm

WHO WANTS TO TALK ABOUT MARGARET MEAD’S SEMINAL WORK? No one? Just me? Fine.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:28 pm

right? that dude’s suit!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:28 pm

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:29 pm

Samoan names are freaking DELIGHTFUL btw.

Brandi July 26, 20164:29 pm

American Samoa. This is the last time your vote matters in this election. How does it feel?

American Samoa’s hosting a BBQ at their place after this. They’re bragging about their house too much.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:29 pm

c-a-pinkham nice!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:29 pm

Holy shit I LOVE this Samoan guy. Can he announce every event in my life?

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:29 pm

Arizona! Craziest state west of the Mississippi!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:30 pm

AGE 102 Y’ALL

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:30 pm

WHO IS THAT AMAZING LADY?!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:30 pm

literally yelling and clapping as this 102-year-old lady cast her votes for hillary

Brandi July 26, 20164:30 pm

Oh shit, a posse cut roll call from Arizona.

Go, 102 year-old lady! You go! I hope that woman from DC does their roll call.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:30 pm

Arizona, you let us have that fantastic old broad for all the political commentary IMMEDIATELY.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:30 pm

THIS LADY IS SO GREAT

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:30 pm

I’m literally yelling in delight at this 102 year old bundle of fierce from Arizona!!

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:31 pm

Were children’s hospitals ever out of style?

Brandi July 26, 20164:31 pm

Arkansas, home of Socks the Cat. Arkansas, the place where my grandma has some amazing drinking stories. Arkansas, I almost drowned there when I was five and went down a waterslide. Arkansas!

But also Maya Angelou.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:31 pm

Oldest granddaughter of that Arkansas delegate so happy/embarrassed right now.

Brandi July 26, 20164:32 pm

Don’t y’all have one more fact, Arkansas?

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:32 pm

DO NOT BLOW THIS, CALIFORNIA. NO VAPING.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:32 pm

you better behave, california

Brandi July 26, 20164:33 pm

I wish California would just sing the theme song to the O.C. instead of saying facts.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:33 pm

Hahahaha

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:33 pm

i feel like we’re just getting short shrift overall in fun facts

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:33 pm

We went with “energy and enthusiasm” for two of our facts?

Brandi July 26, 20164:33 pm

Who is the person yelling “gaaaah, gaaaah” on the feed?

Brandi July 26, 20164:33 pm

Colorado, you are too high for this. Slow down.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:33 pm

I love that California guy is going “NAH WE’RE RUNNING THROUGH THIS FAST AS WE DAMN WELL CAN, WE DON’T TRUST YOU ASSHOLES IN THE BACK”

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:34 pm

LADY IN TOP HAT, LOWER LEFT

Brandi July 26, 20164:34 pm

Is Missy Elliott a Colorado delegate? Screenshot investigation, please.

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:34 pm

wait you can abstain??

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:34 pm

I like Colorado guy, but we’re going to have a hard time topping American Samoa and Arizona.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:34 pm

Missy Elliott gets to be a delegate for as many states as she wants.

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:35 pm

I’m mesmerized by the Secretary’s sleeves

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:35 pm

Oh, Connecticut.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:35 pm

Remember how Trump said CT would be in play?

Brandi July 26, 20164:35 pm

I heard Missy Elliott voted for two zebras and a monkey.

(damn you, DNC leak!)

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:35 pm

THERE is the delegation that got “Hip to Be Square” on the playlist.

Brandi July 26, 20164:35 pm

Connecticut came with pizza and hamburgers as facts. SMDH.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:35 pm

ali-davis NICE

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:35 pm

truth, Ali

Brandi July 26, 20164:36 pm

The WASP caucus has some fire facts it would like to share with us.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:36 pm

Connecticut almost won it back with “Obamacayuh.”

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:36 pm

so does connecticut think they invented pizza? i’m so confused.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:36 pm

Delaware does not give a fuck.

Brandi July 26, 20164:37 pm

Delaware! Home of Joe Biden! Home of tax dodging legally! Home of one big tollway! We have nothing else to share with you, here are some numbers!

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:37 pm

Nylon, Gore-tex, tax-free shopping… Um, part of the DelMarva peninsula… Uh…

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:37 pm

why doesn’t biden get to deliver delaware, hmmmm? never miss an opportunity to biden

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:37 pm

Hey guys where is Biden from I have no idea

Brandi July 26, 20164:37 pm

Be the roll call fact you want your home state to announce, everyone.

Brandi July 26, 20164:38 pm

Ice cream truck outside. Joe Biden is driving it around.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:38 pm

Biden will be lowered from the ceiling to the sounds of AC/DC after roll call.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:38 pm

I heard that as Vote from A Broad and immediately wondered how to support it.

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:39 pm

I was hearing something on public radio today about a prohibition on ice cream truck music in NYC?

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:39 pm

lisa Connecticut thinks the only pizza that counts is New Haven pizza. Having had New Haven pizza, I am annoyed to admit that they may be correct.

Brandi July 26, 20164:39 pm

Democrats Abroad be like, “Uh, we have no specific facts since we’re not a place but how about the name of someone who lives outside the US.”

Brandi July 26, 20164:40 pm

Larry and Bernie Sanders together is probably the most adorable and amazing dinner fight ever.

God, this is awesome. Yay, Larry!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:40 pm

OK that’s an incredibly sweet moment.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:40 pm

Democrats, A Broad — Fox News caption for this entire week.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:41 pm

Jesus it’s fucking dusty in here.

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:41 pm

Go HAM D.C.!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:41 pm

FUCK YES DC REPRESENT

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:41 pm

D.C. rightly brings up the taxation without representation thing.

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:41 pm

WHERE ARE YOU COLIN

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:41 pm

DC using this to demand statehood and i am here for it.

Brandi July 26, 20164:41 pm

DC! Home of Eleanor Holmes Norton, the most fed up person in Congress! Home of the Virginia McLaurin! Home of most fed up License Plates! You can smoke weed here too!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:41 pm

LOL I love Bowser and Norton. I am HERE FOR THIS.

Brandi July 26, 20164:42 pm

DC voting rights is the most shameful thing that both parties refuse to talk about.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:42 pm

Keep it together, Florida.

Brandi July 26, 20164:42 pm

Florida, what bullshit do you have for us!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:42 pm

Bowser became my favorite DC mayor ever the moment she straight up said “lol fuck you” to MD Rep Andy Harris over marijuana decriminalization.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:42 pm

Florida! The state that will be having dinner at 4:45!

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:42 pm

Brandi you should totally be the trivia librarian for all states at the DNC

Brandi July 26, 20164:43 pm

Florida didn’t even try to give us any facts. How you a swing state with no facts?

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:43 pm

Props to the tricolor hat in back

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:43 pm

Home to Darth Vader!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:43 pm

You better let John Lewis deliver this, Georgia.

Brandi July 26, 20164:43 pm

Georgia!

Home of “On Fleek!” Home of “The Dab!” Georgia, I should’ve moved there after college. GEORGIA!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:44 pm

JIMMY CARTER SHOUTOUT.

Brandi July 26, 20164:44 pm

Put the baby on the mic, Georgia!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:45 pm

Like this could go to ANYONE but John Lewis.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:45 pm

Bernie looks like he’s waiting for an attack by Mordor’s army.

Brandi July 26, 20164:45 pm

Guam, where you at?! Make that one of your facts!

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:45 pm

Guam has been ON POINT with coordinated outfits for both conventions.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:45 pm

“Hi, we’re Guam, the place all your grandfathers served at some point during World War 2”

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:45 pm

Mention the butterfly sanctuary, Guam!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:45 pm

Guam is bringing it.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:46 pm

Fuck yeah, Guam!

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:46 pm

Was that Viva La Guam?

Brandi July 26, 20164:46 pm

You don’t travel 8,000 miles to fuck around with fashion.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:46 pm

Move to have a Bitter Empire retreat in Guam.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:46 pm

Excellent point.

Brandi July 26, 20164:47 pm

Stephanie Rawlings-Blake is probably so much fun at convention parties. I just wanted to put that out there.

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:47 pm

Is that Michael J Fox?

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:47 pm

OMG. She totally breaks the dance floor and then has fifteen hilarious conversations.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:47 pm

I’m not sure there’s anyone I’d rather hang out with here more than Stephanie Rawlings-Blake.

Brandi July 26, 20164:47 pm

Don’t call yourself a Berner, man. C’mon.

Brandi July 26, 20164:48 pm

SRB would be like, “Don’t y’all have one more drink ticket?”

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:48 pm

I get so freaked out when people say “the next president” because I worry they’ll jinx it.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:48 pm

Idaho went with deepest gorge instead of French fries in vending machines.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:48 pm

the bow-tie plus gimme cap look is always a bold sartorial choice

Brandi July 26, 20164:49 pm

Thank you, Idaho. This is how you do roll call. Idaho got gorges and dams and militias for days up in all of them. And that weird turf football field at Boise State.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:49 pm

“Hi, we’re Idaho, we have a gorge.”

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:49 pm

C’mon Illinois – we know your politicos, give us better trivia!

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:50 pm

You can’t plug the horseshoe sandwich, Illinois?

Brandi July 26, 20164:50 pm

Home of RINO Mark Kirk! Home of a Saved By The Bell Pop Up! Home of so much segregation, really, it’s impressive. Good lord, Chicago. Illinois!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:50 pm

i love this woman

Brandi July 26, 20164:50 pm

Relatives and close family friends casting votes is really the best part. That must be such an awesome feeling.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:51 pm

See, I want THIS lady to be my grandma.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:51 pm

that woman probably isn’t as old as my mom

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:51 pm

Indiana! The state that is totally not resentful of Illinois, so WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT…

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:51 pm

c’mon tho Indiana – I already think you’re grim boring AF, why you no give me some factoids?

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:52 pm

indiana going full on poetry

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:52 pm

OK, we can criticize them for no factoids, but this is Indiana. There is nothing interesting about Indiana.

Brandi July 26, 20164:52 pm

Indiana gotta apologize for Pence though.

Indiana! Bobby Knight threw chairs here! Indiana…80 miles per hour on I-90 because we know you don’t want to be here and it smells. INDIANA!

“You’re fired.” Good job, Indiana.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:52 pm

Indiana delegate: Should I go with the orange? Yeah, definitely the orange.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:53 pm

Indiana! We’re not going to mention Gary, OK?

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:53 pm

I honestly didn’t even know they were running Evan Bayh again.

Brandi July 26, 20164:53 pm

Indiana has “You’re Fired” signs!

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:53 pm

Iowa! You have Des Moines – the Paris of the Midwest!

Brandi July 26, 20164:54 pm

Iowa’s roll call woman’s favorite movie is “Election.” Definitely. Will bet money on it.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:54 pm

Can never even hear “Indiana” without thinking of this terrible song.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:54 pm

Iowa! Home of the most cattle to gain sentience and go on a rampage! Location of the first Plains Bigfoot spotting! Makers of tasty wholesome pies!

Brandi July 26, 20164:54 pm

I’m impressed that Iowa didn’t shout out their sports teams out of the gate.

Brandi July 26, 20164:55 pm

Iowa, home of the coin flip fiasco that led to someone in the MN delegation insisting that coin flips can be biased.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:55 pm

I respect Iowa’s choice to go: “WE’RE ALL ABOUT THE WIMMINZ”

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:55 pm

So many other countries think it’s adorable that we’re just now MAYBE going to get a female leader.

Brandi July 26, 20164:56 pm

Kansas, I don’t think you should have a bigger sunflower pendant than the person who is speaking.

Also, Kansas, home of Topeka where every black person is related to me apparently.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:56 pm

My mom is from Topeka. Brandi, you and I may have that town covered.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:56 pm

Wonder if she’s from Wichita

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:57 pm

Is that zombie Charles Nelson Riley?

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:57 pm

I think Kansas got through that whole thing without mentioning The Wizard of Oz.

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:57 pm

Kentucky delegation proudly hammered on bourbon.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20164:58 pm

“the most exciting two minutes in sports” makes me laugh EVERY time.

Brandi July 26, 20164:58 pm

Kentucky! Mitch McConnell looks like a turtle.

tinlizzy July 26, 20164:58 pm

Louisiana is LIT UP

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:58 pm

Louisiana delegation looking exactly as I had hoped.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20164:58 pm

Louisiana is HAPPY

Brandi July 26, 20164:58 pm

PUT THE LADY IN BLUE ON THE MIC, LOUISIANA!

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:59 pm

c-a-pinkham So close to “The most exciting two minutes you’ll ever have in bed.”

Ali Davis July 26, 20164:59 pm

Louisiana has a band with them RIGHT NOW.

Brandi July 26, 20164:59 pm

Louisiana’s roll call is also an ad for their after party, which is going to be LIIIIIIIIIIT!

Brandi July 26, 20164:59 pm

“Did we do that? Did we do that?”

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:00 pm

brb – going post haste to go hang with the Louisiana contingent.

Brandi July 26, 20165:00 pm

Following Louisiana with Maine is really bringing me down.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:00 pm

Everyone is going to try to get into the Louisiana after party. Except Connecticut.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:00 pm

Love it that Maine mentioned how scary they are.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:01 pm

Brandi July 26, 20165:01 pm

Maine: You want to be eaten by a bear and buy some boots, 24/7?

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:01 pm

I love the delay on cutting the states’ mics

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:01 pm

Get a Bawlmer accent in there, Maryland.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:02 pm

LOL he flubbed “Mikulski”

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:02 pm

Maryland! We have restaurants with docks straight out the back where crab boats pull up! Why are we mentioning anything else?

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:02 pm

“Mikulskoy”

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:02 pm

The fuck, Elijah

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:02 pm

“Maryland: we’re shaped weird as shit.”

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:03 pm

Why is Rachel Maddow not photobombing the MA delegation?

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:03 pm

I feel like Maryland was really dedicated to Maryland Facts tho

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:03 pm

omg Bostoners

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:03 pm

Massachusetts! The state that unites you against our sports fans no matter where you are from!

Brandi July 26, 20165:03 pm

Massachusetts! Home of trash driving and the Williamstown Theater Festival! That’s about it. I have no other facts for you about Massachusetts.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:03 pm

someone shout at him to say “park the car in Harvard yard”

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:04 pm

Michigan delegation! Everyone point to where you live on your hand!

Brandi July 26, 20165:05 pm

I can’t believe the MA delegation started throwing stuff at the NY delegation and then Philly’s delegates booed Bill Clinton dressed up like Santa.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:05 pm

That was like zero Michigan facts.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:05 pm

I was in Massachusetts during the Big Dig and driving thru that construction was the singular most terrifying road experience of my life

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:05 pm

brandi-brown you’re like the Kee Malesky of state facts! http://www.npr.org/2010/10/23/130729448/all-facts-considered-by-nprs-longtime-librarian

Brandi July 26, 20165:05 pm

MINNESOTA! She said our name!

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:05 pm

A KLO!!!!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:05 pm

IT IS A KLO

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:05 pm

GET AL FRANKEN OUT FROM BEHIND THAT POLE.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:05 pm

a-klo just called herself “the senator.” al gonna cut her later

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:05 pm

Wait do we like A-Klo now?

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:06 pm

Why are they not all dressed like Prince?

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:06 pm

NO WE DO NOT COLIN

Brandi July 26, 20165:06 pm

I am Amy Klobuchar, I love to shout and I pretend I was the one who asked them to TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:06 pm

srsly – goddamn crime that the entire contingent isn’t Prince purple all up in there

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:06 pm

HHH shoutout, as there should be

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:06 pm

“We’re Minnesota, the state Al Franken should really be talking about right now, wtf”

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:07 pm

That dapper gentleman behind Ellison is showing him up on threads a little bit.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:07 pm

do you think a-klo always shouts full sentences that way? HELLO AND I AM HERE FOR DINNER IN YOUR GREAT HOUSE.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:07 pm

lisa I hope so

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:08 pm

Mississippi, the state that it is objectively the most fun to spell!

Brandi July 26, 20165:08 pm

Keith Ellison! We hung out at the DFL Convention!

Brandi July 26, 20165:08 pm

Mississippi in 1964 was pretty damn awesome. Also, Eleanor Holmes Norton was there!

Brandi July 26, 20165:08 pm

I also like how Mississippi was like, “We could list so much more music, just want to put that out there.”

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:09 pm

I really want the Missouri delegation to be like “ST. LOUIS INVENTED EVERYTHING, YOU GUYS STOLE IT FROM US“

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:09 pm

Used to [ethnically-insensitive]-jump-rope to spelling of M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I

Brandi July 26, 20165:09 pm

Missouri making it very clear that the Royals are theirs.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:10 pm

see that montana dude has a hat. why not more hats like that?

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:10 pm

Montana delegate has some SOLID giant hat game.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:10 pm

MOAR HATS

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:10 pm

WE DEMAND MORE HATS

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:10 pm

Brandi that pic is boss

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:10 pm

i got all excited that woman was wearing a US flag jacket, but i think it is just a shawl

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:11 pm

Jeannette Rankin shout out!

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:11 pm

Big Hat man from Big Sky country also has suspenders and a bow tie. He knows how to commit.

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:11 pm

but it’s a shawl with DONKEYS

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:11 pm

Zinze?

Brandi July 26, 20165:11 pm

God, I hope Wyoming has a delegate dressed up like a smug bison doing their roll call.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:11 pm

Oh, God, Nebraska. Just as boring in speech as you are on a road trip.

Brandi July 26, 20165:11 pm

Nebraska, you’re the Tim Kaine of this roll call. Even CT energized me more than this.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:12 pm

“Nebraska is an amazing state. Why are you all asleep.”

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:12 pm

Nebraska: the place you hope you’re lucky enough to be in the passenger seat snoozing thru

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:12 pm

Nebraska, the Great State that Does Not Care for Commotion.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:12 pm

“The most diverse delegation in Nebraska history — we have a black guy now — casts votes for”

Brandi July 26, 20165:12 pm

Nevada! Can your delegation keep their shit together? Nevada!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:13 pm

Nevada here to correct the record on what their capital is.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:13 pm

brandi-brown I kind of hope Wyoming JUST has a dude in a buffalo costume who just stares back implacably when they ask him who they’re voting for.

Brandi July 26, 20165:13 pm

Nevada! Home of Harry Reid, who once tried to choke out LaToya Jackson’s ex husband! Nevada!

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:13 pm

Oh, New Hampshire

Brandi July 26, 20165:14 pm

New Hampshire: Everyone is in our State House. If you stay overnight, you can be in it too!

Brandi July 26, 20165:15 pm

New Jersey! Everyone in our delegation has had their driveway shoveled by Corey Booker!

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:15 pm

Home of the Garden State? Like you’re a state within a state?

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:15 pm

home of the garden state? aren’t you actually just the garden state?

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:15 pm

What did that man just say about Senators?

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:15 pm

New Jersey: “Look we’re really sorry our governor is a Snorlax”

Brandi July 26, 20165:16 pm

No, they are the home of THE first DVD of Garden State ever released.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:16 pm

…the only state with two great senators? Uh. Kick down, New Jersey, you smell like assholes, you don’t want to get into this fight.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:16 pm

Later-in-the-alphabet states, it’s not too late to do a quick run-through of your speech.

Brandi July 26, 20165:17 pm

New Mexico:
1. Best Flag.
2. The lady in the trucker hat.
3. Home of Gabe aka Widestance on Twitter!

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:17 pm

New Mexico shout-out to the Code Talkers. Well played.

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:18 pm

orly – woo Widestance!

Brandi July 26, 20165:18 pm

New Mexico came with some trivia. Good job, New Mexico. They should go first from now on.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:18 pm

“shoutout to that television show about meth!”

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:19 pm

shout out to the red sequin hat

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:19 pm

Dammit there was an awesome spangled hat that was almost entirely blocked by news cameras.

Brandi July 26, 20165:19 pm

Big ups to our fucked up healthcare system without it, Breaking Bad would not be possible.

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:19 pm

ali-davis IKNOWRIGHT THAT HAT

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:19 pm

New York! The state that STILL has the most albino subterranean alligators!

Brandi July 26, 20165:20 pm

New York! We are the home of the best videos of mascots brawling in Times Square!

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:20 pm

This guy hates the chanting so much.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:21 pm

Why the hell is anyone proud of Charlie Rangel?

Brandi July 26, 20165:21 pm

How are you clapping off-beat during a “Hillary!” chant? HOW, NEW YORK?!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:21 pm

brandi-brown bc white people.

Brandi July 26, 20165:21 pm

Put your arm down, Chuck Schumer. You don’t smell that good.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:22 pm

I really thought that was Lindsey Graham with the NC delegation for a second. I know that makes no sense.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:22 pm

I would really like to see a DNC Best Barbecue showdown.

Brandi July 26, 20165:22 pm

North Carolina, former home of the NBA All-Star Game. North Carolina, we really need your help on the ground. Oh God, help us, please. North Carolina!

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:23 pm

North Dakota! You ignored and mocked us for years BUT WE HAVE OIL NOW, FUCKERS!

Brandi July 26, 20165:23 pm

North Dakota! On the way to Winnipeg!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:23 pm

Oh my god, she’s 12

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:24 pm

North Dakota! It’s where all the good strippers moved since the oil boom!

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:24 pm

Northern Mariana Islands giving Guam a run for its money.

Brandi July 26, 20165:24 pm

The island territories do not mess around with their fashion. Guam just lost this contest. Northern Mariana Islands won it.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:25 pm

Pretty sure Hunter S. Thompson is in the back of that delegation.

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:25 pm

So can we have real talk about just statehood-ing all of these territories we’ve collected like Pokemon

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:25 pm

Northern Mariana is the new kid in town – they gotta step up

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:25 pm

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:25 pm

Ohio! We’ve set our river on fire the most times!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:25 pm

I CHOOSE YOU, NORTHERN MARIANACHU!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:26 pm

“Ohio — we don’t suck as hard as everyone thinks, we promise!”

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:26 pm

DO YOU SEE HUNTER THOMPSON HIDING RIGHT THERE IN THE NORTHERN MARIANA DELEGATION?!

Brandi July 26, 20165:26 pm

Ohio! We have too many troopers on our highways. It doesn’t make sense at all, we know. Anyway, we’re just happy to get away from Cleveland after last week. OHIO!

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:26 pm

THIS ADORABLE SWEET GAY MAN

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:26 pm

Honest to god yelped and started applauding when Obergefell started talking.

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:27 pm

Clinton delegates hit my grad year – wooo!

Brandi July 26, 20165:27 pm

Oklahoma, we don’t matter. We pass.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:27 pm

GodDAMMIT, Oklahoma, could you not have put on some hats?

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:27 pm

It’s an elderly woman showdown!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:27 pm

Was honestly hoping we’d just skip Oklahoma.

Brandi July 26, 20165:28 pm

Every delegation should have the eldest woman in the delegation speak at some point.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:28 pm

Second!

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:28 pm

I can only hope someday I’m half as fierce a little old lady as all these rad little old ladies!!

Brandi July 26, 20165:28 pm

Old Black Man!

Tears Up
C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:29 pm

OK, I love this old dude. His hat/glasses game is on point.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:29 pm

This man is DAPPER.

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:29 pm

wait was there just a mic fight

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:29 pm

Little old ladies have seen some shit. If you push them, they will either fuck you up head-on or they will wait until they can poison your tea.

Brandi July 26, 20165:30 pm

Adorable Power Roll Call Power Rankings:

1. Larry Sanders
2. The 102-year-old lady
3. The Woman from IL
4. John Lewis (Roll Call)
5. All the other old people
Ali Davis July 26, 20165:30 pm

Oregon hits geography, then sports. Adequate.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:31 pm

Dammit, states, I want to hear about how you have the largest bottle-cap reserves in the nation.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:31 pm

Come on, Keystoners.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:32 pm

Pennsylvania: “We’re secretly the most racist state, but hey, whatevs!”

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:32 pm

To be fair, Tom Wolfe looks like an accountant but he’s actually pretty great

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:32 pm

I spent my formative years in central Pennsylvania. If you have ever dreamed of eating an entirely beige meal, you will find your heaven there.

Brandi July 26, 20165:32 pm

I never understood what people meant when they claimed not to be energized enough to vote until Nebraska and Pennsylvania did roll call.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:32 pm

How long until the first Hamilton reference from PR

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:32 pm

I don’t know — Illinois gives PA a run for its secret racism money.

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:33 pm

ali-davis – right? Give me your biggest balls of twine and Spam Museums, your giant paperclip sculptures and original Ruby Slippers that have been stolen!

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:33 pm

tinlizzy That’s all I ask for.

Brandi July 26, 20165:33 pm

Tim Kaine runs up the Puerto Rico delegation:

“I speak the language that you speak too! It’s all I have to offer!”
Ali Davis July 26, 20165:34 pm

California, be nice and stop making “that’s adorable” faces at Rhode Island.

Brandi July 26, 20165:34 pm

PUT LINCOLN CHAFEE ON THE MIC!

Remember when he was somehow involved in this election cycle?
tinlizzy July 26, 20165:34 pm

Rhode Island: why are we still even a state tho but really I think Microsoft’s campus is larger

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:34 pm

Rhode Island! We have been seated in the obstructed view section at this convention!

Brandi July 26, 20165:35 pm

“Y’all still a state?” – Stephanie Rawlings-Blake to Rhode Island

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:35 pm

Rhode Island: “PLEASE COME VISIT US, PLEASE, WE NEED YOUR TOURISM MONEY”

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:35 pm

Holy shit. South Carolina just got real.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:36 pm

I think she’s about to clear the threshold on SC, too.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:36 pm

ADORABLE OLD GUY ALERT

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:36 pm

Peace and love, SC.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:37 pm

That old dude is def top 5 in adorability

Brandi July 26, 20165:37 pm

Bill Clinton grabs the mic

“Jesse Jackson also won South Carolina!”

Hillary: No! We talked about this!
Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:37 pm

wait south dakota puts her over??

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:37 pm

SD?!

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:37 pm

South Dakota: Home of the Corn Palace!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:37 pm

3 short. SD has like 3 votes.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:38 pm

South Dakota went DEEP for trivia.

Brandi July 26, 20165:38 pm

I can’t stop staring at the South Dakota delegate’s eyes. I can’t.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:38 pm

BOOM

Brandi July 26, 20165:39 pm

PASS AND LET VERMONT PUT HER OVER THE TOP!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:39 pm

i kinda don’t get why that didn’t happen?

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:40 pm

Texas will never pass it.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:40 pm

It did happen. Tiny alert on the screen.

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:41 pm

<tiny script>clinton officially nom’ed</tiny script>

Brandi July 26, 20165:41 pm

I’m going to go ahead and declare Larry Sanders and the Louisiana Delegate in Blue the co-MVPs unless Wyoming has an actual bison in their delegation.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:41 pm

c-span is not into dramatic coverage.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:41 pm

Oh, look at how adorably clean-cut the Utah delegate is.

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:42 pm

wait what how is your snow better than ours sir

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:42 pm

I would like to see Utah and Nebraska have a boring-off.

Brandi July 26, 20165:43 pm

Tim Duncan and Hamilton.

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:43 pm

YES SIR YOU ARE DAMN RIGHT

Brandi July 26, 20165:43 pm

“Yaaaay!”

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:44 pm

AND ALSO ADORABLE

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:44 pm

Strong contender for most adorable.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:44 pm

“YAAAAAAAY!”

Brandi July 26, 20165:45 pm

Virginia! Sorry our governor couldn’t be on the mic but he’s busy making sure thousands of people can vote one-by-one.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:45 pm

Less “home to,” more trivia.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:46 pm

The great state of Washington would like to assert that we are STILL COOLER THAN OREGON.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:46 pm

Seriously, I always thought McAuliffe was kind of skeezy, but holy crap, “I WILL PERSONALLY MAKE SURE 200,000 PEOPLE CAN VOTE” is badass as hell.

Brandi July 26, 20165:46 pm

I think funding should depend on how well you do with fact-sharing during roll call.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:46 pm

Second!

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:47 pm

Ha! “We did it! Good job everybody!”

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:48 pm

JOHN DENVER

Brandi July 26, 20165:48 pm

West Virginia: driving on their backroads was pretty and scary.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:48 pm

West Virginia was not screwing around.

Brandi July 26, 20165:48 pm

Wisconsin: At least we’re not Kansas…yet.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:49 pm

Wisconsin, you give us some cheese trivia or get the hell out of here.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:49 pm

TAMMY!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:49 pm

Wisconsin, going with the old reliable beer, brats, cheese, football.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:49 pm

If it ain’t broke…

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:49 pm

…the Packers are America’s Team now?

Brandi July 26, 20165:50 pm

Let’s order food like this. “Madam waitress, the proud customer Matthew, caretaker two incredibly cute cats, will have the pasta special.”

— Matthew Foster (@OhWettestFarm) July 26, 2016

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:50 pm

Whoa. I did not expect Wyoming to turn out in Black Lives Matter T-shirts. Well done.

Brandi July 26, 20165:50 pm

WYOMING DID BETTER THAN THEIR LOGO. WYOMING IS WEARING BLACK LIVES MATTER SHIRTS.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:50 pm

HOLY SHIT WYOMING

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:50 pm

WYOMING WITH THE CURVEBALL

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:50 pm

Fuck yes, Wyoming!

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:51 pm

I hope the Vermont lesbian and the West Virginia lesbian get together.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:51 pm

Fun fact for those who don’t know: the reason Wyoming was the first state to grant women’s suffrage was bc they were the primary landowners in the state; mainly widows whose landowning husbands had died (to, I don’t know, moose attacks)

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:52 pm

c-a-pinkham aren’t you supposed to be writing me a state by state column???

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:53 pm

Coming Soon (TM)

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:53 pm

This is a nice move, right here.

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:53 pm

srsly – hugs to you Bernie, all the hugs to you

Brandi July 26, 20165:54 pm

Yeah Bernie! Yeah Larry! Yeah we have a nominee!

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:54 pm

Bernie just won the Old Guy category.

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20165:54 pm

Hell of a time for my feed to refuse to work.

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:54 pm

No, YOU’RE tearing up.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:55 pm

that was lovely and there’s something in my eye

Ali Davis July 26, 20165:56 pm

OK, but srsly that party in Louisiana’s suite is going to be AMAZING.

Brandi July 26, 20165:56 pm

I can’t embed my favorite vine in this live chat. HALP! HALP!

tinlizzy July 26, 20165:56 pm

I WAS JUST GOING TO YELL AT YOU TO PUT THAT VINE IN BRANDI!!!

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:58 pm

it’s bullshit that we can’t have that vine.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:59 pm

need a new political revolution to allow vines in liveblogs

Lisa Needham July 26, 20165:59 pm

WAIT: brandi – gimme the vine embed

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20166:01 pm

Brandi July 26, 20166:04 pm

Okay, it’s been fun. I have to go write some sketches for our show “Obama Out” at Brave New Workshop on Saturday. Yes, yes, I just did a shameless plug. Absolutely no shame. None.

Lisa Needham July 26, 20166:05 pm

Thank you everybody for the best liveblog ever. See you all in 2024.

Ali Davis July 26, 20166:05 pm

I’m going to go look up state trivia for all the states that refused to give any up.

Ali Davis July 26, 20166:05 pm

Thanks, all!

C.A. Pinkham July 26, 20166:07 pm

Thanks, guys!

Filed Under: Endings, Featured Tagged With: DNC, politics, roll call, sha-booya

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