This week’s playlist is dedicated to the inevitable resurgence of one Missy Elliott, who earlier this year had all but faded into obscurity until Katy Perry brought her on at the Super Bowl. In classic mic-drop-moment fashion, Miss E wrecked the stage in two minutes and thirty-six seconds and left everybody with their mouths hanging open. (Bonus points for putting “Work It” into the ears of at least 100 million people, most of whom would be very uncomfortable if they knew what the lyrics were.)
(Side note: have you watched the Michael Jackson Super Bowl show lately? It’s unbelievable. He created the format we still use today. NO ONE HAD EVER DONE THIS BEFORE. I was waiting for him to fly away on a jetpack, but that was the time he made Bucharest lose their collective shit.)
So she does the Super Bowl. Her sales go up a thousand percent that night. Now she’s on the cover of Billboard and planning a new album. Good.
She’s working with Pharrell Williams. Good.
But what does Wendy Williams think? Not much.
“The [WTF] video is a fireball. The song is…well, it’s okay.” (Damn!)
“She’s trying to attract a new, young audience. So therefore my opinion doesn’t count.” (I don’t think she’s trying to attract a new audience as much as she’s simply being her badass self. The part about your opinion is right, though.)
“If you’ve got a 13 or 14 or 15 or 16-year-old in your house, do they know who Missy is?” (“Nooooo,” the coached audience half-moans.) “My boy’s 15, he doesn’t know.” (Is his name Record-Buying Public Williams?)
About the Super Bowl performance: “Do you remember this? Katy brought Missy out. And a lot of people online were like, ‘who is that?’” (Look, nobody on the internet knows who anybody is, and even if they did, they’d rather take a giant sarcastic shit on you than give you an honest answer.)
“If you’re trying to attract people who are going to buy albums and want to go to your concerts, I don’t know that this is going to work!” (“Ooooohhh,” goes the crowd.) “Her album sales—her album comes out when? It’s not announced yet? Okay. Artists do need to evolve, and I do believe that. I’m not sure that a lot of them, including Missy, can compete with today’s artists.” (Cut to woman in audience nodding.)
“I can’t go to a concert because my back hurts!” (This is a great show. Is the whole thing just Wendy talking shit about people?)
This chyron is killing me:
They couldn’t just say JEEZY? Who’s gonna see JEEZY on screen and wonder, “Damn, which one?”
Okay, enough of that. I somehow managed to write a piece about Missy Elliott that has more Michael Jackson and Wendy Williams in it than Missy Elliott, and I’m sincerely very sorry for that. Cue the playlist.
(Seriously, MJ stands still for A MINUTE AND A HALF like “fuck your airtime!” A 30-second spot in 1993 cost $850,000. He spent TWO POINT FIVE MILLION DOLLARS without doing a damn thing. Amazing.)