Bitter News, 10-26-09

Bitter Newsroom Lawyer, News & Views 1 Comment

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that recognize 62 years of Hilary Clinton—and her snappy fashions:

• A headline that is finger-lickin’ good: “Lawsuit Alleges KFC Causes Cancer, Customers Shrug.” Supposedly them doctors say that grilled chicken may grow tumors in ya.  But it’s a small price to pay for that delicious grilled taste, some die-hard lovers say.  Poison makes things taste better.  And it isn’t nearly as expensive as non-poisonous chicken.  []

• “A Chicago Immigration attorney is facing sanctions after he demanded ‘sexual interaction with me and my partner’ as a job condition from a woman seeking a position as legal assistant at their firm.” And guess where he went trolling for her.  Craigslist.  How’d you guess?  Where else can any Chicago attorney enhance his firm with a value-priced traditional lawyer’s bookcase and a secretary who loves gang bangs?  My kind of town.  [Chicago Tribune via Above the Law]

• Lawmakers in Rhode Island, who’ve apparently had their fill of sending Korean children to college, are likely to finally outlaw an outstanding loophole that considers prostitution legal as long as it occurs indoors.  Yeah, I’m thinking an innuendo would go perfectly here too, but I’ll let you choose your own.  []

• Jeffry Picower, Bernie Madoff’s longtime friend and $7 billion recipient from Bern’s Ponzi scheme, died in his pool over the weekend.  No word on foul play yet.  But Madoff has his alibi: He was busy snacking on pizza a child molester made for him.  Pizza??  Yumm!  [Wall Street Journal]

• Ex-Bitter says, if you suck a golf, don’t play.  But what if you’re a woman?  Does your skill level matter more?  We’re still waiting for a report on how well the first woman to be invited to hit the links with President Obama did. Chief domestic policy advisor, “Michigan Law grad and former Shearman and Sterling associate Melody Barnes” even had to carry her own bag.  How’s that for equality?  [Washington Post via The Business Insider Law Review]

News continued below video:

• The weekly state of the law firm union.  One nation under layoffs.  [Law Shucks]

• Everyone’s suspicious of estate attorneys following the Astor trial in New York when one was convicted of defrauding and steeling—and don’t even get me started on this Louisiana debacle.  But in Florida, the nation’s foreclosure capital, foreclosure attorneys are a rare breed.  The field of work is convoluted, labor intensive, low paying and comparable to a Dickens novel?  Something like that.  Basically, there aren’t enough of them to go around.  [Time]

• Clarence Thomas breaks his four-year silence of questioning a lawyer during arguments.  And he talks about it during a justice-questioning assembly.  Irony.  [Associated Press]

• Ol’ SCOTUS is a little long in the tooth, with four of the nine members over 70.  But as with all federal judges, they’re set for life.  Literally.  Even though we all have a select few we’d like to put out to pasture.  Though for state judges, 31 states have mandatory step-down ages, usually between 70 and 75 years young.  If only we could get politicians to retire the way we can judges.  “Howard Eglit, a law professor at Chicago-Kent College of Law, said the age limit laws were enacted in many states ‘based in good measure on the assumption that increasing age carries with it declining intellectual ability.’” And less bladder control.  []

• First-year associates at Nashville’s Bass Berry & Sims are being grilled and drilled to become litigators as soon as possible.  Why?  They are cheap to farm out, of course.  Smaller clients will actually hire them because they’re affordable—and what firm wants to miss a chance at bagging a client, even if that means putting your greenest stutterer on the case?  Bass Berry partners say law school grads have no trial skills, so they’re taking matters into their own hands and getting new hires up to snuff internally.  That way they can get them into the courtroom pronto—and that way they can start billing their faces off.  [Nashville Public Radio | Audio | Transcript]
Listen here:

• Lawyers Paul Stoughton and Matt Conway aren’t afraid to cross swords sticks.  Hockey sticks.  Like in this picture, see?  How hockey mates hatched a partnership.  [Connecticut Law Tribune]

• No idea why the writer stood outside the law school to get student reaction to an undergrad event, but William & Mary law school students are generally supportive of the school’s transgender homecoming queen.  And, as an FYI, when someone doesn’t identify with a gender, you use gender-neutral pronouns like “ze” instead of he or she and “zir” instead of him or her.  The more you know. []

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