Bitter News, 10-5-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that will need the next 60 days to break a Gourmet habit:

• Here’s a lead story that includes ‘sodomy’ but not ‘Polanski.’ Whore-ay!  “[Herman] Thomas, former Alabama Circuit Court judge, stands accused of sodomy, kidnapping, sex abuse, extortion, assault and ethics violations.” His begins trial today, with jury selection already underway.  Formerly most often distinguished by his signature bow tie, Thomas can now be best identified by allegations that he spanked inmates with a paddle in his office and corced male inmates into performing sexual acts with him in exchange for leniency.  And it seems like there were more than a few who had to “all rise” for the judge.  [New York Daily News]

• This week, Chicago is the center of more than just a somewhat-embarrassing Olympic bid loss (as evidenced by The Namby Pamby).  The Windy City is also dealing with Erin Andrews’ interstate hacksaw stalker (who maybe should have stayed local and hunted LF10 instead) and a penis-gluing women:

—Woman who superglued a man’s penis to his stomach will appear in court today. [NBC Chicago]

—A Chicago judge ruled today to release Michael David Barrett on bail but keep him on home confinement and electronic monitoring.  Barrett is accused of being sexy ESPN reporter Erin Andrews’ stalker who allegedly videotaped her nude.  There’s blaming of hotel management by Andrews’ attorney, but the question should probably really be why she’s staying at three-star hotels to begin with.  [Chicago Sun-Times]

• I have yet to meet a grown woman who keeps a diary, yet we seems to have stumbled on yet another.  While The Late Show’s David Letterman (joining the ranks of Coolest TV News Lawyers Charlie Rose and Dan Abrams as a media pussyhound) is undergoing the “morning after” effect, almost four days after confessing on his show that he was being extorted because he had sex with a couple of his interns.  Now we sit and wonder what he will say tonight—while it remains to be seen how a man who has publicly jeered cheating men throughout his career will fare with his fan base.  Gerald Shargel, the lawyer representing defendant Robert J. ‘’Joe’’ Halderman, called Letterman ‘’a master at manipulating audiences” and claims his client is innocent.  But apparently Halderman was using (Cardozo-educated attorney!) Stephanie Birkitt’s diary as his extortion leverage.  She’s Halderman’s live-in girlfriend who was Letterman’s ex-assistant and easy lay.  His late-night colleagues are going pretty easy on him.  Hm, wonder why that is?  [Associated Press]

• First Monday in October.  Supreme Court back in action.  To think that some people are so insightful as to predict that 89-year-old Justice Stevens may retire soon.  Pure visionary genius.  []

• Court Injunction Served By Twitter: Groundbreaking, Or Publicity Stunt?  Regardless, if only Cardinal manager Tony La Russa has been given that option.  Would have been a lot cooler.  [Mediaite]

• Mini-Madoff swindler lawyer Marc Dreier had his 15 minutes to shine on 60 Minutes yesterday.  In his close up, he explains successfully ruining some people’s financial lives, but how did he really perform on camera?  Let’s go to the postgame report.  [The Am Law Daily | WSJ Law Blog]

• With a less-than-slight groan, we mention Jon & Kate Gosselin from Jon & Kate Plus Eight Kate Plus Eight Jon Plus Ed Hardy Kate & Jon Nonplussed some TLC reality show.  But quickly, from a legal standpoint, their whole brouhaha comes down to this: Jon’s lawyer has been suspended before for professional misconduct, while Kate has upped the ante and gone straight for the man, the myth, the McSteamy representer, Marty Singer[The Hollywood Reporter, Esq.]

• There are several new legal online “referral agencies” for people to find a layer, like the sort-of respectable LegalTube.  But then there’s also the slightly less elegant, like  Just check out their classy logo (below).  It’s safe to say the Florida Bar isn’t pleased. [South Florida Sun-Sentinel]

• Remember when debt was a significant motivator that potential employers valued in candidates?  Those were the days.  [Law And More]

• What happens to the renegades who skirt jury duty and don’t show?  []

• The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics says that 263,000 jobs were lost in September, and of those, 2,000 of them were in the legal sector.  And, um, sure, we’ll play Susan Hansens game and say it will probably derail minority-hiring efforts a little.  Because we all know that that’s what we’re all focused on these days?  [The Am Law Daily]

• Chick With Legal Issues: A woman plans to appeal for compensation after a sleeping with a man who knowingly had HIV but wasn’t warned by him.  She says she’s been shell shocked, freaked out and depressed for three years after the infection scare.  [TV NZ]

• We’ve read the facts on the Polanski situation.  And now we’ve learned the civil cost of sodomizing a 13-year-old: $500,000.  That’s the amount ol’ Roman agreed to pay in 1993, but as of 1996, he still hadn’t mailed the check.  Hollywood continues to seek the release of the artsy director—probably because they’re most worried about what’s going to happen to his anticipated movie The Ghost?  But in the words of Cokie Roberts (video below): “Take him out back and shoot him.” End quote.  (Seriously.  She said that.  On camera.) [Los Angeles Times]

  • Lady lawyer

    Say it like it is Cokie.  I agree, no pity.

  • Michael

    The word is “coerced’.