Bitter News, 10-6-09

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that beg the question if you could care less—but we’ll table it:

• Hate to perpetuate that whole “lawyers are good at poker” stereotype more, but it’s true—and we think you can do it.  Plus, in this economy, it’s better than being a hostess trying to pay off loans (more on that later).  We’ve seen it all before here, here, here, here and here, and last spring it happened to 24-year-old University of Florida law student Derek Dilberian.  He bluffed his way past 4,000 other students to win a free semester of law school in Absolute Poker’s first College Challenge.  The tourney is happening again on November 30, so go make Bitter Lawyer proud and hustle up some JD dough.  []

• Brother, can you spare a lawyer?  The poor are in dire legal need.  [USA Today]

• Pop quiz: What’s your bridge job going to be between law school graduation and your first days actually working as a lawyer?  Some lawyers in limbo with deferred offers and less-than-deferred debt are gunning to be able to work on their flare at local restaurants.  [Wall Street Journal]

• In May, Bitter Lawyer asked “Rankings Guru” Prof. Theodore Seto in our Hear/Say episode on law school rankings (2:00 mark) what happened to cause George Washington University Law’s eight-point rankings drop, and he had no idea.  Well, it looks like we all know why now.  Dean Greg Maggs told alumni that the law school’s tumble from 20 to 28 was “caused mainly by an unannounced change in the way U.S. News & World Report tracks part-time law student GPAs.” To remedy the embarrassing rankings situation, GW admitted significantly fewer evening students this year.  Because nighttime brings out the stupid.  [The GW Hatchet]

• Harvard Law is having so many big cameos lately that you wonder if they’re trying to boost their Nielsen ratings like Heather Locklear showing up on the new Melrose Place.  Last night, HLS students had the chance to hear litigious actor Tom Cruise guest lecture about God knows what.  And if Crimson lawyers-to-be aren’t sufficiently satisfied with that guest appearance, they can enroll in Larry Lucchino’s first-year seminar on the business and law of sports.  If you don’t know the name, Lucchino is the CEO of the Boston Red Sox and a Yale Law graduate. And if you don’t know what “law of sports” means, it’s “how to acquire a franchise, how to value players, how to deal with sports agents, the role of antitrust law, and how to get a stadium built.” And that seems like it would be more fun than listening to someone explain how to pay expensive legal teams to sue the media til they stop reporting gay rumors.  [The Crimson via Legal Blog Watch]

• If your girlfriend or wife seems a little too addicted to Pilates, it might mean she’s a scheming prostitute who’s boofing blind lawyers and overcharging their credit cards.  Pro: Extra cash!  Con: Your wife or girlfriend is a prostitute…who’s being sued.  Humph.  And where was this woman when we were researching this story[Lowering the Bar]

• SCOTUS had a big first day back in the saddle of their new term.  They started by refusing to hear about 2,000 cases.  Then newbie Sotomayor got chirpy[]

• Not sure if there was some evidence suggesting he was a flight risk, but Roman Polanksi was denied bail in Switzerland.  And Mel Gibson’s infamous Malibu drunk driving arrest conviction got expunged.  Even though he was a first-time drunk driving offender, his social offenses were bit more extensive.  [Los Angeles Times Blog: Polanksi | Gibson]

• Ralph Mirarchi, a 70-year-old lawyer on trial for embezzling from his clients, could have had his sentence reduced if his wife would have kept her word and given up all the couple’s assets (except for $500K) to repay victims.  But, fearing she’d be a poorer Ruth Madoff, she let him face the music all by his lonesome.  But when God closes an elderly prisoner’s door, he opens a window: 89-year-old convicted murderer Dick Keech was compassionately released from jail because of his advanced Alzheimer’s disease.  Oh, but this 74-year-old killed her granddaughter’s husband, so I guess we’re looking for another open window.  []

• Regina Kimbell wants to pull out her Jheri curl by the roots because she’s steaming mad at comedian Chris Rock for allegedly stealing her idea for a documentary about African-American hairstyles.  She wants $5 million in damages, according to her new lawsuit.  []

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