Bitter News, 11-12-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as safe as a quadriplegic firing guns using a breathing tube:

• Screw all the hookers haters!  Disgraced former NY governor and HLS alum Eliot Spitzer is guest lecturing today in a Harvard ethics class.  (Hell, even Jesus learned a thing or two from sinners.) Though he’s schedule to avoid ethics-related topics and discuss institutional corruption instead.  But that doesn’t matter—because in true “pot and kettle” fashion, the loudest voice protesting ethically challenged Eliot’s appearance is the madam who ran the escort agency where Spitzer was known as “Client 9.” She wrote a letter to the Center for Ethics, lambasting his hypocrisy.  Though she’s likely just jealous that no one from her alma mater, The New Jersey Pimp Institute, called to invite her to speak.  [The Boston Globe]

Update: He nailed her it!  He was even called “the most important living prosecutor on a wide range of corruption” by his host.  [ABC News]

• You snooze, you lose, right?  Hello?  Are you awake?  Adam L. Goldberg, an arbitrator/lawyer who gets paid $1,400 to $1,600 a day to decide if a teacher is so incompetent he should lose his job, got caught napping on his job.  And he’s being sent to the principal’s office for it.  [The New York Times]

• Sorry, South Carolina.  Looks like you’ll have to just stick with your “Warning: I’m a Bitter Christian Clinging to My Gun!” and “My GPS is Jesus Christ” bumper stickers to get your message across.  []

• Thee who takes down Glenn Beck is the hero of many.  First Amendment attorney Marc Randazza, who looks suspiciously like Gary Coleman, represented the man behind the controversial (and now non-existent) website and won—so now he’s fan-club worthy.  Send a self-addressed envelope and a money order for $25.99 to get your very own signed photo from the legal master of awesomeness.  [THR, Esq.]

• Why the hell is there no decent football game other than Madden?  Lawsuit!!  [Deadspin]

• “The alleged fraud perpetrated by Florida lawyer Scott Rothstein may have topped $1 billion, more than twice the amount previously claimed.” And as a result, he stepped down as the head of his law firm today.  Because he doesn’t need to work now that he has all that cheddar.  [Bloomberg]

• If you want BigLaw to go back to the way it was in its heyday, then you need to plan your firm retreats carefully.  If you want to instill that old, roaring 90s feeling back into the workplace, you need to treat it like it is the 90s.  All married lawyers need to sleep with one another, everyone has to get wasted on firm-sponsored booze, and Twitter and Facebook don’t exist yet.  The firm that thinks, listens and sleeps together, stays together.  And here are 10 other rules to enhance your next retreat.  [Law Vibe]

• Look.  We get it.  Defending the civil rights of rapists and murders is a dirty job that someone’s got to do.  (You hear that, John Galligan?) But what do you do when you’ve grown up being the daughters of an often-threatened attorney like William Kunstler?  How do you cope?  You make an indie documentary about your pops and go festival shopping with it.  [Associated Press]

• They don’t teach you this stuff in law school?  Pish posh. Susan Cartier Liebel is thriving in this economy by charging you to learn how to hang your own shingle.  “Entrepreneurial” is so hot right now.  [Reuters]

• It’s pretty scummy across the pond right now too.  “Profit at the 100 highest-grossing U.K. law firms fell 30 percent on average during the past year as deal work declined with the recession.” [Bloomberg]

• It’s time for a game of “People Who Got the Shit Beat Out of Them, And They’re Pissed”:

—A young man who divorced his parents as a kid is suing his lawyer and the Loyola Child Law Center that represented him because he’s pissed they never reported the child abuse they allegedly knew he was enduring at home.  [Jonathan Turley]

—A prominent, black Columbia professor allegedly gave a knuckle sandwich and black eye to a Caucasian co-worker when they didn’t see eye to eye on the somewhat sticky issue of “white privilege.” [New York Post]

• Loan relief.  Get your ice-cold student loan relief.  The ABA might just have a plan for your poor ass that gets you a three-year deferment.  [The National Law Journal]

• All the hot air is coming out.  Balloon boy’s parentals are going “guilty.” [WSJ’s Speakeasy]

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