Bitter News, 11-20-09

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that hate ESPN’s two-week Twitter suspension of Bill Simmons:

• Wanna work in BigLaw?  Then you got to know the players.  It’s imperative you understand your place in the pecking order—just ask Nick.  The Snark breaks it down with a list of “Power Partners,” “PINOs (Partners in Name Only),” “Fifth-Year Seniors,” “Newbies” and several more.  Plus there’s even a quiz on what is acceptable interaction between each sect.  You just got skooled.  []

• Fox News is intrepidly reporting on deferred BigLaw new hires, but it’s hard not to get it confused with the Onion News Network.  “’Loaner lawyers’ are all over the place, and Obama’s home teleprompter malfunctioned during family dinner.  Back to you, John.” [Fox News]

News continued below video.

• As the old saying goes, you can’t polish a turd.  No matter how you try to spin it.  No matter how many signs of recovery or growth you point out, the fact of the matter is that 2009 will be recorded as one ugly year.  Financially speaking.  [The Am Law Daily]

• We officially have a trend.  The line that Cravath drew in the end-of-year sand when they announced a shrunken bonus structure, ranging from $7,500 for newbies to $30K for old bros, set the new industry standard for 2009.  Skadden and now Simpson Thacher have followed suit.  One trend BigLaw isn’t jumping on though is the free cabs on Thanksgiving Eve program.  What gives?  [Above the Law]

• Roman Polanski has suffered enough.  Is that enough of a defense?  [Los Angeles Times]

• You’re no Facebook Madam Bovary, but you’re not in the safe zone either.  Repeat: Being friends with Bitter Lawyer is good.  Being friends with all the lawyers in your firm, including senior partners, is dangerous.  And no one thinks you’re a cool rebel for throwing caution to the wind and playing Mafia War with you boss and FarmVille with the paralegals.  [Young Lawyers Blog]

• M-I-C…C you in court…K-E-Y…Y? because I hate you, Donald Duck…M-O-U-S-E.  [THREsq.]

• Who’s got deeper pockets than The Gates Man?  Texas law firm AbingtonIP has issued a “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare” on game giant Microsoft and is rounding up class-action seekers who were banned from their online gaming service Xbox Live for modifying their XBox consoles.  []

• Former Sen. Tom Daschle, please report to DLA Piper for active partner duty.  [National Law Journal]

• Reason to move to England or Australia No. 325: Tipping is not nagging concern.  Two college kids were arrested for not tipping the “18% added for parties of 6 or more” amount because they claim their service was so bad.  Is that illegal?  They don’t teach that in law school.  []

• Truth: Disbarred lawyer Lynne Stewart is going back to jail for terrorism.  Her spin: She’s entrenching herself in prison to be a lawyer for inmates.  Because what are you going to do if she practices without a license?  Send her to jail?  Damn, she’s smart.  [San Francisco Examiner]

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