Bitter News, 3-26-09

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Quick headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that are circumcised for your protection:

“A Madison County judge has ruled it was not illegal for a man to ask to tickle kids.” Because thems ain’t fightin’ words. Charles Douglas had been charged for blindly asking parents at a park if he could perform his Tickle Monster routine.  Which is creepy.  And while I’m not sure about a Tickle Monster, I know a Tickle Panther goes “Coochie, coochie, coochie,” and then mauls your face.  [Chicago Tribune]

Dreier is losing his ass…ets.  A recovery expert has identified at least $100 million (of the $400 million he allegedly defrauded) of cash, yachts, homes and art worth safeguarding. But they’ll all be depreciated for having that musky, filch-y stench.  [Associated Press]

They’ve only been able to find $250 million of the $8 billion in asset R. Allen Stanford Ponzi-ed away.  [Bloomberg]

The diary of a Cadwalader lawyer might privately read (paraphrasing), “Manny Ramirez is rich. I hate him because he’s lazy.  I wish I could nail Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie like Brad Pitt.  They’re so fine.  Forget the Hollywood salary, I’d do them for beyond free.” But who needs “Dear Diary” when you can just posted it to the firm’s website instead.  [Am Law Daily]

Are there clients more cringe-worthy than people who sue God?  Also, “@” doesn’t translate into Mandarin.  []

Send in the clowns! Broadway “Showboat” producers may go to jail for 14 years.  [The New York Times]

Sext me this: Is the underage, erotic, mobile image-transmitting craze child pornography or self-expression?  The ACLU is going after a judge who offered two girls a 10-hour course on the dangers of sexual violence.  [ABA Journal | The New York Times]

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