Bitter News, 4-15-09

Quick headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as broken as the National Maximum Speed Limit Law:

If they spit, you must acquit.  An Orange County DA dismisses drug charges if defendants provide a DNA sample.  [ABA Journal]

In an effort to minimize the default rate on law school loans, Northwestern Law is offering an option to postpone payments back to the alma mater if your’re unemployed or face a deferred start date after graduation.  Nothing boosts your self-esteem like a big $100,000 albatross of “an investment” hanging around your neck day one in the real world.  And good luck regardless if you’re Law student #2[Chicago Tribune]

In a small firm desegregation program of sorts, the white-shoe/white-guy firms are partnering with minority firms—not because they crave the diversity.  Because they want the clients that require the diversity.  [ Small Firm Business]

Solicitor General Elena Kagan is NOT ready for here close-up.  SCOTUS glitterati will have to wait till fall.  :( [Washington Post]

In a subject area Legal Blog Watch may consider a dictation of bad taste or of no “editorial relevance,” as far as Bitter Lawyer is concerned, appearances in the world of BigLaw seem to be a legitimate matter many question, but few explore.  Here on the site, we’ve enjoyed discussing issues such as breast enhancements, tattoos in law firms, professional wardrobe and general physical maintenance of both male and female associates—but why do lawyers seem to dread ‘locks so much?  I don’t see nothin’ wrong with a little braid or weave—especially on a CANCER SURVIVOR.  [Dirty LAWndry]

Also, we certainly hope that all of our fake boob chatter (here and here) over the last week hasn’t lowered your morale and made you feel “uncomfortable” or “humiliated,” you easily bothered, sexually adverse loser, you.  And whatever you do, don’t let your still-moral self use Twitter[Fox News]

Lowering associate salaries may be the new black. [Am Law Daily]

BigLaw is being so moody because it’s on its cycle.  “The highest increases in large law firm revenues presage recessions”—and “recessions can hurt large law firm performances for a long time.” Which is just the beginning of Ann Lee Gibson givin’ it to you straight. [Law Firm Competitive Intelligence]

I’ve been seen standing on a street corner before.  Doesn’t make me a crack whore.  [Duluth News Tribune]

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