Bitter News, 4-17-09

Quick headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that set records like how Ashton killed the CNN TV star:

Frank Scudere can call himself husband, father, plane-that-landed-in-the-Hudson-River survivor, and now: Laid-off lawyer.  Skadden cut the strings on his “staff attorney” status, which was originally scheduled for the day after he plunged into the river on US Air Flight 1549, but it was postponed because of his friend-of-Sully status.  Now that his career has made a crash landing, he’s feeling a little cold, wet and short a life raft.  [MSNBC]

And we thought Linsday Lohan was the only one doing faux e-Harmony profiles lately.  Here’s a practical dating-site profile of Commerce Court Judge Mark I. Bernstein, who is in search of the “righteous lawyer” and seems perfect for any attorney with a daddy complex.  He’s looking for a lawyer who keeps it simple, does the right thing, and is a strong cross-examiner.  But at the end of the day, he’s more than willing to “roll up his sleeves if an attorney is having problems with what should be fundamental discovery obligations.” Admit it, you just sighed a little.  [The Legal Intelligencer]

Meet Danny Pang.  He’s ruling the infamous world of BigLaw, Fraud, and Strippers.  “Not only is Pang, the CEO of Private Equity Management Group Inc., accused of defrauding investors and running a Ponzi scheme, he was also at one point a suspect in the unsolved murder of his ex-stripper wife.” This just in: Matthew Richardson has a new hero.  [The American Lawyer]

“The world’s most high-profile file-sharing website,” The Pirate Bay, got kicked in the pirate booty.  They were found guilty of breaking copyright laws, and four men were even sentenced to a year of jail time. But no one should sit around and wait for the check[BBC News]

Now we get what Law Firm 10 keeps bemoaning.  Dating is hard for smart people.  [Washington Post]

First-year associates are on some firm clients’ black list.  The report is that those who pay don’t want to drop a dime on no-name newbie lawyers.  That’s show business, kids.  [ABA Journal]

Was it torture or not torture?  That is the question.  In a world of life, liberty and the Rule of Law, let’s huddle up and talk it out.  Threat of prosecution free!  [MSNBC]

TMC.  Too much controversy.  That would have been the case, it’s reported, if the Alaska legislature had voted to approve attorney general nominee Wayne Anthony Ross, which it didn’t.  Apparently, they honestly think Palin is enough to deal with.  []

Icahn sez: Step it up, shareholders.  Gawd!  [Icahn Report]

And it’s a wonder that Anderson Cooper lost the dead-heat Twitter race to Kutcher with being so hip as to drop his version of a teabagging joke into his show (check out the :50 mark):

Have a good weekend.  And enough with the Susan Boyle shit already.

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  • Daily reader

    Great Bitter News today.  No wonder Cooper is the lowest on the cable news sites.  How many times can you tell a “joke” that only frat boys understand unless you are a real swinger and then good for you.