Bitter News, 4-20-09

Dude, it’s 420 headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that are a hell of a lot greener than being a fatty:

Mel Gibson is going to split nearly a billion in wealth with his soon-to-be ex-wife.  But according to his lawyers, there is no way the Passion of the Mel would get a fair trial in front of a “prejudiced” Filipino judge.  Apparently Judge Ongkeko and Oksana don’t o-mix.  [E! Online]

Obama’s release of the CIA memos regarding detainee torture all included the consideration and approval of lawyers at the DOJ.  And finding ways to root out information had an Orwellian feel.  (Caterpillar, fur shiz—brown recluse, nerp.) But in a crisis like Sept. 11, lawyers reassure agency officials they’ll be protected to do what’s necessary, but afterwards, they’re hung out to dry.  So, will the CIA now have a lawyer-style risk aversion during the next crisis?  The joys of democracy.  [Newsweek]

It’s all about having that trust-and-estates swagger: The new trend that actually has lawyers getting hired.  [Crain’s New York Business]

Look, kickin’ puppies is just how some people express themselves in a free-speech society.  Wanna see the video?  Depends on if the Supremes say it’s cool or not.  [Reuters]

Texas billionaire R. Allen Stanford’s Ponzi scheme of $8 billion is sadly small by modern comparison, but after freezing his assets, he’s requesting $10 million of them from the SEC to be able to defend himself in court.  And that’s only half of what he’s expected to need.  [Houston Chronicle]

Of the 200-something ABA-accredited law schools, 47 have female deans, and only five are black.  Too bad they all hate Michelle Obama so much and do not look up to her at all.  [Diverse]

Florida State University Law School is so damn puzzled as to why only 26 out of 40 of their graduates passed the February bar exam.  What’s the big deal?  I mean, the swearing-in ceremony looks so lame anyway.  []

Janet Reno: Lifetime Achievement Award winner.  The glitz.  The glamor.  [McClatchy]

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