Bitter News, 4-22-09

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Quick headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that deeply consider why Playboy doesn’t rank law schools instead:

The Scarsdale Diaries would read a little something like this today: “I guess we have to see our mom again.  That Kaye Scholer-partner bitch of a matriarch left us on the road for all to see, but now a judge says it’s cool for us to get together.  Such mixed messages.  More Ovaltine please!” [AP via Yahoo!]

It’s Secretary’s Administrative Professionals Day.  So enter yourself (and your secretary) to win a $500 luxury bag before the end of the week.  It’ll keep her from blogging all about your receding hairline and Napoleon complex on an all-assistant rag board.  [Save the Assistants]

Bill focuses his law practice on E. coli, Salmonella, Shigella and hepatitis A, but he also has a zany penchant for social micro-blogging.  If Bill racks up 25,000 Twitter Followers by the end of April, he’s going to give $25K to a charity.  Read his tweets while you feast on pistachios.  [Social Media Law Student]

Speaking of Twitter, fake Restaurant Girl is really pissing off real Restaurant Girl, and she’s talking to her lawyer about it.  [The New York Times]

A laid-off lawyer won the Monopoly National Championship.  And I bet he doesn’t even count the spaces on the board when it’s his turn.  He just zips his little thimble to the exact spot he rolled without even thinking.  Those guys always take the fun out of it.  [ABA Journal]

Here’s an obscure stat that might make you a TTT.  Albany Law School ranks 12th in the percentage of female tenured professors.  …Who huff nitrous out of whipped cream canisters.  …And hate pandas.  …And eat gravy for breakfast.  Apply already!  [Ajax World]

Obama puts Bush-era lawyers back in hot waterboarding for possible legal action.  And the results may be torture to their careers.  [Chicago Tribune]

In Review.  Lego waterboarding: hilariously square.  Playboy waterboarding: Not as sexy as you’d think. 

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