Bitter News, 5-1-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that thrust junk up and out—like your bit-boosting push-up pants:

• Hoping to not go out sans retirement and still workin’ it for adoring fans like Danny Gans, Justice David Souter, at a modest 69 years old, announced today that he’ll be retiring from the Supreme Court in June.  Obama said he’ll “look for a candidate for whom the law was not a matter of abstract theory, but a force that affects real people in their daily lives” and have them ready to go by October.  Speculation on who’s the best demon, er, woman, er, minority, er, person to fill the job is in session.  [The New York Times]

• Speaking of SCOTUS, I know what you did last summer, Justice Scalia.  Fordham Law students were assigned by Prof. Joel Reidenberg to gather personal info on Scal & Fam to prove a privacy point.  What’s not private for sure is that Scalia thinks Reidenberg’s a douchebag.  [ABC News covering Above the Law]

• There’s a new blogger on the court scene now snooping for scoops, and he’s set his sites on Stephen R. Connoni, former partner at Edwards Angell Palmer & Dodge, who is suing the firm after being fired—making him and Deidre Dare entangled bedfellows under her dirty little rule of BigLaw.  [Law Shucks]

• Connoli may be a flash in the pan compared to former AIG lawyer Kimberly Lebron who got jiggy with her new lawsuit today.  She said she was allegedly fired for whistleblowing to higher-ups that AIG was involved with a South Korean banking entity that would “invest $50 million in an AIG real-estate fund and in return, AIG would sponsor a South Korean government employee for a ‘six-week paid vacation’ in New York and London ‘under the guise of learning about the real-estate industry.’” Asians will do anything to see Donald Trump speak at the Learning Annex[Wall Street Journal]

• Or what about that nice gay gentleman who allegedly got an illegal ax?  [Daily Business Review]

• “Econo-side?” Really??  We’re calling it that?  D.C. lawyer Mark Levy’s suicide yesterday is part of a new wave of self-snuffing deeds linked to the flagging economy.  [ABC News]

• Harvard Law School was founded with money amassed through slavery—which may all be smoothed over with “a wall-mounted inscription in some prominent place???” [Harvard Law Record]

• Faster than a speeding Chrysler Town & Country (Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. Vrrrroooooooooooommmmmm! F), lawyers gear up for a speedy bankruptcy.  [CNN Money]

Toucherism and zoophilia are serious business.  Obvs.  I say “potato,” you say “I get an erection when I touch a raccoon pelt.” Your love isn’t legislate-able.  But is sure is kinky when discussed in the House.  Allow Congressman Alcee Hastings to explain.  [The Asylum]

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