Bitter News, 5-14-09

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom while waiting for your Golden Girl heroin hook-up to hit you back:

• “If Stanford Law professor Kathleen Sullivan is nominated to the Supreme Court, she’ll likely have to answer at least one embarrassing question during her confirmation hearing: How did she fail the California bar exam?” Gender aside—even though we’ve all seen the company she keeps in the bar failure of some of California’s finest finest, when it comes SCOTUS, is that a deal breaker or just a minor “furry pop top” pubic hair on a Coke can?  []

• Legal secretary Rachel Tisera got cut from yesterday’s tryout for Philly’s entry into the newly formed Lingerie Football League, the Philadelphia Passion, where “babes who are willing to wear skimpy lacy underwear tackle other babes in skimpy lacy underwear.” Maybe that’s where Nancy was that day.  []

• Amanda Lynn Stanley, meet Madlyn Gleich Primoff.  Madlyn Gleich Primoff, meet Amanda Lynn Stanley.  You two female three-named lawyer minxes could balance each other out just enough to rule the firm and the motherhood.  We salute you.  [Houston Chronicle]

• Luxembourgish is the new official language of that jikkentriwwler Bernie Madoff.  Big financial ruin and can come in small European packages with Luxembourg, the world’s second-largest mutual fund market, being bombarded with lawsuits against banks following Madoff’s arrest, which has already seen the bloodshed of one Madoff/Lux fund-related suicide.  The spotlight is on the country’s 1,600 lawyers, who are anticipating as many as 1,000 Madoff cases.  [Bloomberg]

• Is global warming a fraud?  Was the Apollo moon landing a hoax?  Is the Law School Admission Council (LSAC) secretly trying to conceal PrepTests 39-48?  One professional LSAT tutor digs deep into LSAT’s version of Roswell.  [LSAT Blog]

• Should U.S. District Judge Sam Kent be able to collect his judge’s salary while he serves a prison sentence for sexually abusing two female employees?  Funny that it takes a House committee to decide that.  [AP via Chicago Tribune]

• Apparently, Bill Gate’s dad is old as dirt started a law firm in 1883 (??), and that firm is no longer a Microsoft’s preferred legal provider. [Seattle Times Newspaper]

• A judge’s blackout has a Queens sister act demanding a new trial having lost a false arrest civil trial after the defendants rushed to the aid of the judge when he fainted in front of jurors.  The federal jury cleared the two NYC cops of violating the sisters’ civil rights by almost hitting them with their car after speeding through an intersection.  The sisters’ lawyer claims there was no way they could get a fair trial after that “true blue” display by the cops in front of the jury.  All of the impenetrable, iron-clad merits of their case about a sister-sister/cop-cop bitchfest were completely overlooked.  That’s what’s wrong with the legal system.  [New York Daily News]

• The press will take any opportunity to publish a sexy shot of Carla Bruni.  But she apparently very much supports France’s new three-strike’s online piracy law.  You can see her “lawless wild west of the internet” conviction in her eyes.  [The Sun]

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