Bitter News, 5-27-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that turn poop into something useful and gassy

Apologies no longer accepted.  Lawyer eval grudge match time.  Faceoff: Alito v. Sotomayor (btw, per Krikorian, can we drop the dramatic pronunciation already? You’re not jamming the “t” and rolling the “r” anyway—because it’s so “not natural”).  [Power Line]

• Okay, enough with Sonia.  Who’s ready for the Cybersecurity Czar?  To guard and protect Bitter Lawyer.  And sexy avatars everywhere.  [Washington Post]

• Hurry up and book your first-class ticket to Doha, Qatar for this weekend’s global law rave that’s going to burn up the dessert.  It’s the legal equivalent to Cannes. With a line-up of heavyweight names from 15 jurisdictions including the Chief Justices of Hong Kong, India, South Africa and New Zealand (Paris Hilton?)… you won’t want to forget your glow sticks.  [Times Online]

• Appreciate and respect your Chinese brethren?  You’re disbarred!  [Associated Press]

• They produce great engineers, and now here come the dyslexic lawyers.  Drexel Law had “a trip and a half” these last three years but managed to graduate its first law school class.  []

• Now for a new segment called “What Are the Judges Up to Lately?”:

—Judge Jack Earl buried the legal battle and divided late soul man James Brown’s estate. [NME]

—Judge James F. Holderman is throwing Sen. Roland Burris under the Senate bus. [AP]
—Judge Sidney Fitzwater finally got Mark Cuban to shut the hell up for once. [AP]
—Judge Paul Magnuson crapped on claims from two Minnesota Vikings’ diuretic testing. [AP]
—Judge C. Weston Houck is keeping legal services out of Criagslist’s erotic services.  [PCMag]

—Judge Gladys Kessler prefers cigarette terms like “fully loaded” and “tar-rific.” [Bloomberg]

—Judge Stephen Larson stripped sexy Bratz of their insider secrets.  [Reuters]

—Judge Carla Alessio Policandriotes retained Drew Peterson as high-priced, kept man. [Fox News]

—Judge Ulrika Ifrfelt was judge #2 to have her interests conflicted in the Pirate Bay case.  [Escapist]

—Judge Deborah Robinson is keeping Marion Barry out after midnight.  [Examiner]
—Judge told once-cool rapper Coolio he’s cracked and begged him to plea bargain.  [Radar]

• Oh, and Judge Jackie Glass got reamed by OJ Simpson’s camp for allowing his heavy trunk show worth of murder trial baggage to pervade and bias the jury at his robbery trial, which ended with him sentenced to 33 years in Nevada state prison.  That’s the basis for his new appeal filed yesterday that had OJ changing his legal representation last week to man-up for his fight against his “fundamentally unfair” trial result.  [Reuters]

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  • Prof Green

    Creative news commentary