Bitter News, 5-7-09

Quick headlines from the Bitter Newsroom to help you find your passion:

• Court papers expose “opposite marriage” lover Miss USA runner-up Carrie Prejean’s mother as being a total homophobe.  Despite her nude picture fiasco, the papers said that her mother accused Prejean’s father, stepfather and any man with a mustache of being gay within earshot of her daughter throughout her childhood.  The sexual orientation of women with mustaches, sadly, was not mentioned.  [New York Daily News]

• The Kaye Scholer partner-cum-baby momma who kicked her kids out of the car mid-grocery get, leaving them on the curb to wonder why their mom is such a cooze bag, now admits it was a mistake.  She’s now expecting to have her charges dropped, but her daughters’ grudges will likely hold up from some time to come.  [Associated Press]

• You thought the economy would only chew up and spit out those at firms, but despite having the #2 law school in the country, Harvard Law School will be laying off staff members in response to a 10% reduction request from the university.  But who has time to care about those people?  Not current students.  They say “their peers’ apparent lack of engagement with the issue” is just the way the Crimson rolls.  And I suppose a save-the-staff professor car wash would be asking too much?  [The Crimson]

• Madoff’s secretary is writing a tell-all book about her “sexist, egomaniacal, short-tempered control freak” former boss, and his son is a bad tipper.  The exposure hazards of running a Ponzi scheme.  [Gawker]

• The way I see it, Anna Mae “Babe” Ahern may have won a $25 million settlement in her eminent domain case, but Evergreen Park spared the world another strip mall of unoriginal retail chains for 10 years.  Court fees well spent.  You know who would have never accepted a commercial development offer like that? Brooke Astor.  Who has an apartment foyer so exquisite that it makes you forget about all that “inadmissible double hearsay” chatter. [Chicago Tribune]

• In legal news from the arts, Woody Allen’s lawyers are hoping to prevent Soon-Yi Previn (Allen’s wife/daughter) and Mia Farrow (ex-wife/wife’s mother) from testifying at his May 18 trial against clothing manufacturer American Apparel, maker of season-after-season incarnations of Rollergirl costumes.  Allen is suing Dov Charney’s company for using his image from Annie Hall without permission.  Charney originally claimed that Allen would never actually be paid $10 million (the amount of Allen’s suit) to endorsement any product due to his ethics-bending relationship with his now wife.  But Charney claims today that he has no plans to attempt to tarnish Allen’s image during the trial and that the ads were “intended to be a parody/social statement and comedic satire to provoke discussion and public discourse about the baseless claims that had been made against American Apparel and myself, society’s reaction to lawsuits that delve into an individual’s private sexual life and the media’s sensationalism of such matters.” You know, a “Hey, look, this guy who is endlessly creative, artistic and hilarious has a fuzzy, sleazy sexual history, and I make kitschy tube socks—so I think it’s cool that I’m an alleged sexual predictor” sort-of statement.  Discuss.  [New York Magazine]

• Since Woody isn’t being much of a sport for ol’ Dov Charney, we offer him another classic director steeped in sexual proclivities—Roman Polanski.  Polianski fled the U.S. in 1978, just before he was to be charged with sexing a 13-year-old girl.  He’s been itching to return to American soil for some time, but his lawyers say he will not appear at a trial to have his case dismissed.  [Bloomberg]

• Jack Bauer is turning himself in for misdemeanor charges stemming from his head-butting of a fashion designer on Monday who dissed Brooke Shields after bumping into her.  We’re not exactly sure between what two hours the incident occurred.  []

• “Unpretentious lawyer looking for a monogamous relationship – 54” is definitely a Bitter Lawyer.  But for personal reasons.  And we don’t tackle that shit here.  []

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