Bitter News, 6-19-09

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom so virile they knocked up Gisele Bundchen:

• Judge Woody Ray Densen, what the hell did you do?  “A Harris County grand jury on Thursday indicted a state district judge on a criminal mischief charge after his neighbor gave prosecutors a videotape that he says proves the judge keyed his car.” Now, of course, Densen said it wasn’t him, but said the Range Rover might have gotten some hate taps because it regularly blocks the sidewalk.  [Houston Chronicle]

• Get this, business-professional (bitter) lawyers—you’re in style.  Like seriously.  You’re working in a fashion show and don’t even know it.  The legal profession may be on the express train to hell, but the runways of Paris are riding that haute train right alongside.  “Lawyer chic” is the rage this spring.  (Are you disingenuously spouting off yet?) Inspired by FX’s legal drama Damages, deft legal action requires deft tailoring.  Power suits, button-downs, modest-length skirts.  Then again, we’ve seen and heard laymen crave a lady lawyer in suits and stockings with our own eyes and ears before.  So it’s about time.  [Los Angeles Times Blogs]

• Gambling with your legal education?  Why not, baby, when you have Vegas odds?  Getting formerly schooled in Sin City isn’t as easy as it used to be, but getting schooled at the poker table is even worse. UVA law student Leo Wolpert has turned his life of losses into betting his way into the World Series of Poker no-limit Texas Hold’em event—and winning $650,000.  And he still wants to be a lawyer.  Just now minus the loans. [Washington Post]

• Guns sold on Craigslist don’t kill people.  Bullets do.  A Manhattan federal court judge ruled that Craigslist isn’t a publisher and wasn’t liable for a gun purchase via the site that a man used to shoot his neighbor six times.  [The Villiage Voice]

• Madoff may have a new bunkmate.  Joining him in the Ponzi hall of fame is Texas billionaire Allen Stanford who surrendered to the FBI before he was due to face criminal charges tied to $1.6 billion investor money that he misappropriated.  He could face up to 250 years in prison, if convicted.  Which means he’s probably so mad that he wants to go out and murder someone.  And that would probably only add eight or nine years to his sentence anyway.  [Reuters]

• Beauty contests used to all “world piece,” but now that Carrie Prejean lost her Miss California crown and sash that she earned with her talent of…oh, wait, there was no talent competition, but there was a nice swimsuit one…she’s going with her second-best talent: Pointing fingers. Her “severe emotional distress” has her lawyer pointed towards a lawsuit.  [CNN]

• “A U.S. bankruptcy court on Thursday granted a motion by automaker General Motors Corp to cancel its aircraft leases on seven corporate jets. As a condition of receiving government loans, the executives later agreed to cease using their corporate jets.” And deleting that cost from the company was probably billed by Weil at about the same hourly rate as the jets.  [Reuters]

• Let’s paint a picture.  Dayton, OH law firm Freund, Freeze & Arnold sponsored a reception at a local performance of the Broadway musical “Legally Blonde.” In coursed team spirit, the firm mandated their attorneys dress the part.  So, gathered around an ice sculpture of chihuahua Bruiser, the firm’s male lawyers were wearing pink shirts, ties and “other items I don’t want to know about,” while the the firm’s female attorneys were “transformed into models,” wearing Elle Woods-inspired outfits.  I know.  I know.  I know… [Dayton Daily News]

• See homeboy below (from the first story above) on surveillance video. “Homeowner Adam Kliebert says a hidden video camera captured his Rice Village-area neighbor, state District Judge Woody Densen, damaging his Range Rover May 23. June 4, 2009.”

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