Bitter News, 7-13-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as rich as the 45-million-dollar Seacrest man:

• Thank God for sports.  How in the hell else would anyone ever be able to describe the function of judicial government?  With Judge Sotomayor’s SCOTUS confirmation hearings underway, the bullpen is full of Senators and television pundits warming up and pitching around their athletic-analogy fastballs.  Balls, strikes, four-corner defense, umpires, coaches, quarterbacks, point guards, Supreme Court!  Will she be an activist judge? It could all be enough to force her to meltdown like a NASCAR-style crash into the wall.  (NASCAR is a sport, right?) It’s basically the only way to liven up any situation concerning “the highest, dullest court in the land.” Live blogs of the event can be found just about anywhere, including USA Today[San Francisco Chronicle]

• Some may think she will interview like a feminist ala RBG, but we all have a few questions we’d like to ask Sotomayor this week. For example: “What is the role of statutory text in statutory interpretation?” Or: Is it true that this is really just all about Harvard v. Yale and the battle royale to reign Ivy supreme?  [Yahoo News]

• No word yet on Marc Dreier’s sentencing scheduled for today.  The “prominent lawyer faces up to 145 years in prison for defrauding hedge funds out of more than $400 million.” Dreier’s counsel suggests that about 12 years would suffice.  Some guest-contributing speculation about what the final outcome is likely to be on the WSJ Law Blog here.  []

• Yet another followup to Cravath’s Evan Chesler’s feelings on the compensation situation between law firm and client.  “The billable hour still reigns supreme.” Fit to print.  []

• What’s a more scandalous news tidbit? 

—“Attorney General Eric Holder is considering whether to appoint a prosecutor to conduct a criminal investigation of interrogation techniques used on terrorism suspects during the Bush administration”? [Bloomberg]

—Or that Paris Hilton “flirted” with Chief U.S. District Judge Frederico Moreno when testifying as the defendant in a breach of contract lawsuit on Friday.  [Radar Online]

It’s about a push.

• Hey, male lawyers, when you meet a girl named Brittany who gets you hooked on meth and convinces you to try to smuggle some heroine into jail for her friend Amber, you’re going down the wrong path.  []

• One way lawyers are drumming up biz in this stormy economic climate is with advice on how to deal with a stormy marriage.  Friday we posted about how the “for poorer” part of the vows was the time to pursue a split, per divorce attorneys likely hurting for business.  But for most people who want out of the chains of fidelity, these are simply times when “mommy lives upstairs and daddy lives in the basement.” [Wall Street Journal]

• You shall be held in contempt of court….for 14 years.  [Associated Press]

• Dance, lawyer, dance.  Like the crazy gypsy you are.  [New York Daily News]

• Fem network (that you lie about not watching) Lifetime’s new show Drop Dead Diva, which premiered last night, gives lawyers a fat name. But when you’re a plus-sized attorney, that’s when life begins—apparently.  [SCI FI Wire]

• Twitter now features a general counsel legal eagle stolen from Google. Follow us knowing you’re under the wing of Alexander Macgillivray. [Bits Blog @ NYT]

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