Bitter News, 7-15-09

Bitter Newsroom Lawyer, News & Views

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that accept the Prez’s lousy first pitch cuz Bill Simmons said:

• From Hogwarts to law school?  Quite comely (and now of-age) Emma Watson, female star of the box office-shattering Harry Potter movie franchise and model who’s changing your mind about Burberry being for old people, has been deemed by the films’ producer as smart enough to go to law school.  “She could be an actress or a model, but with her studies and success she could also be a lawyer. . .” Her parents are both lawyers (and assumable proud), so let the speculation begin.  She’s not going to go. []

• Syracuse law school banned students from bathrooms to “flush out cheaters.” But what about being in the bathroom with a loaded weapon?  Scott Dawson, a law student who’s also a police officer, left his loaded gun in the Cooley Law School bathroom and is under investigation.  Nothing like being a law professor knowing your students are packing heat.  [Lansing State Journal]

• There is so much good stuff.  We definitely need a “What the Judges are Doing:”

—Judge Deborah Durden revoked a funeral home that cut a man’s legs off to fit him in a casket. [AP]
—Judge Dane Perkins jailed a homeless man for not paying child support for not his kid. [AJC]

—Judge Cindy Lederman, who ruled FL’s gay adoption ban as unconstitutional, was demoted. [MH]
—Judge F. Theemling ruled “Kiko,” a defendant’s homicidal personality, is part of one man. [Philly]
—Judge Judy berated an eBay scammer in 2007, but it’s still awesome. []

Morgan, Lewis & Bockius is the first firm to announce that their Summer Associate program is cancelled for 2010.  And this year’s summers who fetch offers can’t officially start the grind until fall 2011.  O.C.I-hope-you’ve-got-another-plan because it doesn’t look like this lawyer crapstorm is getting any better.  [The Am Law Daily]

• With news like Morgan Lewis’, why would anyone want to go to law school?  A completely scurrrrred 1L-to-be is asking Cary Tennis that very thing.  “I am fighting a rising sense of utter panic.” Deservingly so.  Cary replies with: “Look at it this way: You can always quit.” Is that helpful?  In an odd twist, entertainment tabloid The Insider posted eight reasons for a person to not go to law school.  Headed by “1. FINANCIAL SUICIDE.” That sounds more like advice you can sink you teeth into.  []

• Internet technology is starting to piss some judges off.  Two British senior judges complained Tuesday that lawyers are scouring the web for too many presidents and demanded more simplicity in criminal cases.  Though they did, of course, site president to explain their plea for more president simplicity.  That’s so British.  [AP via Chicago Tribune]

• “Containing health-care costs is impossible under the current legal structure.” So fix it.  Duh!  [WSJ]

• A Los Angeles worker was killed after being consumed and destroyed by a cardboard shredder machine.  Brought to you by the law offices of Slaughter & Slaughter.  I.  Kid.  You.  Not.  []

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