Bitter News, 7-30-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that just might bomb like an un-Funny Judd Apatow movie:

• Vampires, shark attacks, Tom Cruise and lawsuits—things we enjoy in TV and movies, but not real life.  So even though Henry Louis Gates, like most people, probably doesn’t want to file a lawsuit (or hang out with Tom Cruise), doing so could help us examine the concerning issues raised by his arrest.  Let’s face it, it wouldn’t change anyone’s viewpoint, but it would spark conversation.  And God knows people always appreciate someone giving them something to talk about[The New York Times]

• You know who loves a lawsuit but probably doesn’t know who Tom Cruise is?  A Quaker.  The ACLU filed a suit on behalf of Quaker Tobin D. Jacobrown alleging he is being discriminated against by the government because he hasn’t filed his Selective Service form, which he claims is because there isn’t space for him to indicate his status as a conscientious objector.  [Washington Post]

• The BigLaw sky is blood red.  Wars, famines, earthquakes—or is Douglas McCollam being a false prophet as he tries to preach the gospel of white-shoe hubris?  [Wall Street Journal]

• BigLaw: “A year to forget.” Nuff’ said.  [American Lawyer]

• Who doesn’t love a good lawyer ad?  (See #4 and #6) Sure, they’re sometimes in bad taste, but would restricting them infringe on freedom of speech, or would it safeguard audiences from deceptive ads?  Lawyers in Louisiana are asking a federal judge to block a new set of rules that “set limits on lawyers’ use of mottos, celebrity endorsements, re-enactments, client testimonials and other advertising methods.” Fight to save the Villanueva Law Firm’s “Samuel” the Apricot Poodle!  And pitchwoman Erin Brockovich!  [AP via]

• “Law graduates Shanti Andrews and Rebecca Turner, both 23, could face up to 5 years in a Brazilian jail following accusations of insurance fraud.” Sucks.  [BBC via SolicitR]

• A proud moment for women in law firms (and it’s not named lady lovin’ Linebarger Goggan Blair & Sampson)—a female security guard busted four masked men who had broken into two Dallas law firms and were attempting to steal “booty that included computers, TVs and a gigantic safe.” A notice to burglars: Steven Soderbergh safes house gobs of green, not law firms’.  Wills and contracts have little value on the black market.  So save yourself the rap sheet and enjoy your “$8 screwdriver and car key.” [Dallas Morning News]

• Dexter, a pug dog, has been setting precedent in divorce court, been degradingly compared to hairy furniture—and pretty much wants to kill himself.  []

• A shackled inmate lunged at and punched a public defender inside San Joaquin County Superior Court yesterday.  A day otherwise known to the PD as Wednesday.  []

• “I think all socials studies teachers are closet attorneys,” said the social studies teacher who wishes she was an attorney.  []

• Obama boozes with a white cop and a black scholar.  Oh, and that vice president guy too.  It almost looks like a mixed-race Grey Poupon commercial.  [Fox News]

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  • lawyer to be

    cool writing and great video