Bitter News, 8-11-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as delicious and guilty as fast food:

• Female sex symbol attorneys should start a club.  And what a club it would be.  This last month alone has seen a number of celebrity women calling on their lawyers to help with their (always surprising and unplanned?) naked appearances on the internet.  Last month, ESPN’s Erin Andrews vowed to press criminal charges against the peeping tom who posted video of her fully exposed in her hotel room, and she is being aided by Bingham McCutchen attorney Marshall GrossmanHigh School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens has her lawyer, Christopher Wong, billing hours trying to wrangle her most-recent nude photo scandal (yep, this isn’t her first rodeo).  And this week’s revealed starlet is Twilight actress Ashley Greene, who ironically just won a “Fresh Face” Teen Choice Award last weekend.  She was exposed by Perez Hilton, but the photos have been taken down by order of her attorney.  She, with the help of her lawyer, plans to take legal action—and none of this should be confused with actual attorney Ashley S. Green.  Together they’ll attempt to scrub the internet clean.  Good luck.  (See video at bottom.) [CBS News]

• Speaking of women and the law, here’s something real-life attorney Ashley Green might be more interested in: The most women-friendly law firms.  Working Mother magazine has named the top-50 firms (who applied) that love to let women do their thing in 2009.  “Nearly all of its top 50 firms offer reduced-hour schedules, 62 percent offer full-time telecommuting and 42 percent have written flexible-schedule policies.” And the named are shouting it from the media mountaintops (here and here).  [ABA Journal]

• They say there’s a lot of inbreeding in politics.  And here’s how Obama’s personal attorney and a Harvard Law professor who oversees government regulations get their breeding on inside the White House.  [The New York Times]

• Teacher and lawyer: Once thought to be recession-proof job titles, yet both are finding themselves unemployed in record numbers.  So does it make sense for laid-off teachers to become lawyers and vice versa?  (Yep, we’re eying you, former attorney general Alberto Gonzales.) [Wall Street Journal]

Message!  Don’t be another Bernie Madoff.  And if you’re Cyrus Vance, Jr. who’s running for Manhattan district attorney under the platform of being a white-collar punisher, you maybe shouldn’t accept campaign contributions from Madoff’s attorney. [New York Daily News]

• “It is only a matter of time before big law firms return to the go-go climate of just a few years ago, right?” First of all, what’s a “go-go climate?” Secondly, no.  A return to “business as usual” just can’t happen because “big law firms don’t have a coherent business model.” And it ain’t easy putting law schools in the context of change either, but someone’s got to do it. [The Philadelphia Inquirer]

• Legal Aid is a church—and it should be adorned like one. It’s a place for the legally unprivileged to worship.  Or not, according to the inspector general of the Legal Services Corp.  He found that a newly remodeled Fort Worth facility used taxpayer money to purchase more than $188,000 of imported Italian stone for the entryway and cited it as “unnecessary and excessive” in an audit of the government’s legal aid program for the poor.  “Planners considered using local stone but decided ‘many of the local selections either looked too tan or had a yellowish cast.’” And what law-seeking poor person needs that tinted-aesthetic mind f&ck?  [Washington Times]

• BigLaw is practically a sweatshop enough—why are you letting ergonomics get in the way?  Jeez!  Flare your chair, light your office and quit yer bitchin’.  [TechnoLawyer]

Here are some youthful brain trusts with lots of working memory weighing in on nude photo scandals:

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