Bitter News, 8-18-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom bigger than Bernie Madoff’s tiny penis—yeah, I said it:

• Need something to either organizationally validate or diminish the importance of your life on a Tuesday afternoon?  Then feast on these rankings!  After weeks of geek-like excitement and nerd-alert speculation, has officially released its law firm rankings for 2010.  Spots #1 through #8 are clogged with New York traffic, and #9 and #10 sprinkle in some DC and Chi-Town love for good measure.  The downers: Latham fell hard from its top-10 perch down to #17, but Cadwalader took the biggest plummet from #26 to #60.  The uppers: Weil Gotshal almost broke into the top 5, up three spots to #6, and Skadden crested over Sullivan & Cromwell to grab the #3 spot by five-thousandths of a point.  Yadda, yadda.  Here is the full list of the top-100 firms, but without any strenuous clicking effort on your part, here are the Big 5… []

1. Wachtell Lipton Rosen & Katz

2. Cravath Swaine & Moore LLP

3. Skadden Arps Slate Meagher & Flom LLP and Affiliates

4. Sullivan & Cromwell LLP

5. Davis Polk & Wardwell

• Yoo go?  The University of California, Berkeley is surrounded with anti-war protesters who are rallying to have new law school professor John Yoo fired.  Yoo co-wrote legal memos that critics say were used to justify the torture of suspected terrorists.  Alberto Gonzales feels his pain.  [Associated Press]

• This might sound “insipid and inadequate” but at law firms, it’s all about making that bottom dollar.  And with less to go around these days, firms are implementing new finance strategies.  Some are ratcheting up the pressure and being “more aggressive about collecting on past due bills,” while junior lawyers at other firms are losing their “privilege” of having their time billed to clients.  Others are offering the flat-fee ala cart menu.  And, so far, clients seem to be gobbling it up.  Bon appétit.  []

• Bobbi-Sue Doyle-Hazard (don’t hate the player, hate the name) graduated from Penn State law school in May, and guess what—she can’t find a job.  So she’s waiting tables and serving “juicy steaks” to pay her bills, bills, bills.  Hope she remember that in this economy, you always have to be working on your flare.  [Boston Business Journal]

• Prosecuting is a growth industry.  An indictment Monday of a Miami man and two conspirators kicked off the Justice Department’s largest case of computer crime and identity theft ever prosecuted. The men allegedly made off with more than 130 million credit and debit card numbers from late 2006 to early 2008.  [The New York Times]

• President Obama, his Justice Department and a law that denies federal recognition of gay marriage all seem to be saying different things.  [Los Angeles Times]

• Madoff isn’t the only one having his physical endowment discussed in the mainstream media today.  So is Grey’s Anatomy actor Eric Dane.  He and his wife, 90’s Noxzema girl Rebecca Gayheart, have some full-frontal video footage floating around from a night of nakedness with former Miss Teen USA (and alleged madam) Kari Ann Peniche.  And the best defense celebrity lawyer Marty Singer can wager on the matter?  “[It’s] not a tumor sex tape,” Singer insists.  What other intrepid legal theories will Singer use to (so far unsuccessfully) keep his clients’ tape off sites like Gawker and prevent third-party profiteers?  “You should be the camera-person and try to own or co-own the copyright because third-party distributors are less likely to touch a sex tape if there is a potential copyright claim.” From the looks of it, “McBoring” has got that part under control.  [THR, Esq.]

• You know what they say: The law firm that does crafts with the elderly together, stays together.  [Newsday]

• Michael Jackson would have turned 51 this August 29th, which is when he’s rumored to finally be buried.  Filmmaker Spike Lee is throwing a posthumous Brooklyn block party to celebrate on that day.  And MJ’s three kids are celebrating early with their own newly appointed lawyer.  [CNN]

• What the Judges Are Up To Lately:

—Judge Sam Sparks approved race-based admissions at U. of TX with flying colors. []
—Judge Mitchell L. Beckloff approved a deal to stock shelves full of MJ merch.  [New York Post]

—Judge Danny Reeves sentenced lawyers to prison diets for cheating fen-phen victims.  [Bloomberg]

—Judge William Young sez Boston cabbies can’t be forced to buy hybrids.  []

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  • Bravo

    Hang in there John Yoo

  • Pacific Reporter

    Nice job copying the Vault story from Above the Law, you f’ing hacks. Cadwalader went from 39 to 60 this year. It was ranked 26 two years ago.

  • Melatonin

    Hey there, PacReporter.  Come down off the ledge, you crazy bastard.

  • Bravo

    Mr PacRep you fit the title of this blog perfectly ‘BITTER’ Lighten up on your bite.  Just read and enjoy!

  • Loser Police

    Pac Reporter: You’re a total f*ing loser!  Really.  You need serious help.  Of course this post was “copied” from somewhere.  That’s what blogs do.  Do you really think the Bitter Lawyer people were attempting to take credit for breaking this news?  Get a life—and stop worrying about Cadwalader’s ranking.