Bitter News, 8-31-09

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Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom to break up all the legally defined death right now:

• Not a great legal day for the nation’s leading automaker—basically their corporate airbags deployed, and it’s game on.  “One of Toyota’s former lawyers [Dimitrios Biller] claims that for years the automaker had engaged in a conspiracy to obstruct justice by illegally withholding important documents in hundreds of product-liability suits brought against it.” That means crusty legal situations from top to bottom. [The New York Times]

• The tired topic of getting an offer from a law firm is hardly played out for anyone…who doesn’t have an offer.  However, an argument is being made about how the revoked guarantee of a big-money BigLaw job for those with perfect pedigrees may expand the world of law beyond the standard lawyer lifespan.  “As the jobs with large salaries disappear, law students will draw on the thoughtfulness, intelligence and perseverance that got them into law school in the first place in order to find employment that they actually find rewarding. They will also find creative ways to pay their loans and other expenses.” Well, ‘creative ways’ is probably a little broad.  [The New York Times]

• “No offer in hand?  Then you need a plan.” Here are some relatively obvious things 3Ls in an “I got nuthin” situation can do, and it always helps to read it.  Wouldn’t hurt to learn a song and dance that lets employers know why you’re a better hire than an experienced, laid-off lawyer willing to work the same price. [Texas Lawyer]

• Maybe prospective 1Ls can learn from their 3L big brethren: It’s time to shift consciousness and start thinking about how “a cheaper, less prestigious law school” might still land you an decent job.  [The Am Law Daily]

• I hate working virtually, but some people are good at it.  I guess.  [Crain’s New York]

• Don’t you wish you lived in a world where staying home with your kids meant going to law school.  His name is Jerry O’Connell, and this is his planet.  [Celebrity Baby Blog]

• They say used-car salesman, spammers and lawyers are the most-hated professions.  But here’s a fun fact: Lawyers created spam.  Two immigration attorneys introduced the world to unsolicited emails when they began advertising their green card lottery services in 1994.  []

• Here’s a kicker: Florida Gators player Jonathan Phillips has a backup plan if pro football doesn’t work out—being a lawyer.  Loftier dreams: Being hired by a law firm or being drafted by the NFL?  That’s honestly a close one.  []

• As if human healthcare issues weren’t crazy enough, we’re already debating pet care costs and frivolous pet care lawsuits?  Oy.  [The Washington Post]

• Americo Delgado, “a Mexican lawyer who has represented some of the country’s best-known drug suspects” (including the so-called ‘methamphetamine kings’), was attacked by three men and stabbed to death outside his home on Friday.  [Los Angeles Times]

• Ex-Detroit Red Wings MVP Sergei Fedorov finally got to reclaim that paltry $60 million he lent a friend.  A circuit judge ruled in his favor, but it’s only a step to banking it back.  [Chicago Tribune]

• Gays: Helloooo, this is Vermont.  Where are you?  You can get married here now.  Please come—lawyers and bed and breakfasts are praying for your business.  [The Washington Times]

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