Bitter News, 9-1-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom that will run 71 weeks on the charts, just like Jason Mraz:

A billion-story tidal wave is hitting New York, washing away all the BigLaw Summer Associate jobs from the future.  Summer 2010 is shaping up to be a blockbuster disaster complete with “less than half” special effects and 2Ls in panic mode, ready to gobble up any offer they can find.  And we haven’t even gotten to the climax because we don’t know how bad it’s going to get.  All I know is that Jake Gyllenhaal lives in the end.  Phew.  [The New York Law Journal]

• Speaking of local/national/global disasters—how about thems California fires, heh?  Those east coast and Baja hurricanes are feeling pretty real.  Don’t forget about your trusty insurance lawyer who loves to love you, baby!  [Reuters]

• Lots to consider lately—like if law school will ever again be worth the cheddar.  And since most people aren’t smart enough to ditch their “I want to go to law school but don’t want to practice” dreams flat out—it’s time to think cheap.  Or even better: Think value.  “The National Jurist has just released its ranking of the best ‘value’ law schools. The top five are: (1) North Carolina Central; (2) BYU; (3) Univ. of Nebraska; (4) Georgia State; (5) Univ. of Mississippi.” Though I’m not clear how going to Nebraska ever gets you a bang for your buck.  [The National Jurist via The Volokh Conspiracy]

• “The state judiciary has abandoned a controversial proposal to fill coveted law clerk jobs at no cost to the government with newly hired private lawyers whose firms have pushed back their start dates because of the recession.” Yeah, you hear that, BigLaw?  The government doesn’t want your charity.  []

• Corruption: Powered by Visa.  Nearly $500K has been spent so far on legal bills in the University of Illinois admissions scandal.  Winner, winner, chicken dinner?  Latham with $392,120 in doc review fees.  [The Chicago Tribune]

• Here are yesterday’s poll results based on a question asking if you’d prefer one of the most prestigious jobs in law any law student could dream of, or if you’d rather be a sex-addicted, self-proclaimed asshole.  I’m not even sure how to respond to the below. 

• Former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is raking in $100K to teach one, 15-student undergrad poly sci course.  Should Texas Tech be allowed to employ that?  And while we’re at it, is anyone ready for Spitzer’s return to public service?  Discuss your opinions.  Verbally.  Don’t put them in writing.  (A wise old man taught me that.) [The New York Times]

• ‘Diversity’ is the new buzzword.  And mentors can’t do it alone.  How to get that not-white look for in-the-red prices.  [The Legal Intelligencer]

• Gut check: Private practice.  Are you brave enough?  []

• Celebrity blonds and the lawsuit bombs:

—A court upheld Paris Hilton’s suit against Hallmark for using her image on a card.  [LA Times]
—Former Miss California Carrie Prejean sued the pageant claiming discrimination.  [Fox News]

—In response, Miss California co-exec. dir. Shanna Moakler practically called Prejean a bigot.  [People]

• Oh—FYI—September is Prostate Cancer Awareness Month.  Celebrate.  []

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  • Lady lawyer

    Okay all you guy lawyers, check your prostrate.  Have your girlfriend do a quick check.