Bitter News, 9-11-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as awkward as “The Pacifist”:

• Football season is back, which for many of us (15% of American men, 5% of American women) is a total unicorn fantasy because it’s the only time in your life you can honestly say, “I drafted Adrian Peterson.” Fantasy football has created an $800 million industry, which makes sense given the stakes can be as high as a $300,000 grand prize.  Pocketing some of those millions are lawyers. Web sites like and exist for all of your esoteric conflict mediation needs.  “Write up your dispute and send it to one of the sites. For $15, a lawyer will settle your quibble.” [CNN]

• Sext me and I’ll sext you back.  AND THEN WHEN THINGS GO SOUR, I’M GOING TO SMEAR YOUR ASS CUZ I’M WILY LIKE THAT.  [Social Media Law Student]

• Ever thought about joining a profession where your personality mattered?  Where instead of being a fucking stiff, your charisma helped get you paid?  PhilaLawyer gives the best read of the weekend in a yet-unfinished three-part series about Jerry—who is the man you’re not.  [Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3]

• Patterson Belknap Webb & Tyler Of Counsel Edward F. Cox looks like he may become New York’s next G.O.P. chairman despite efforts by former mayor and possible 2010 governor candidate Rudy Giuliani.  Cox is the son-in-law of President Richard M. Nixon (here) and has a real Bill Pullman vibe (here).  [The New York Times]

• You got rejected from law review.  Deal with it.  [Concurring Opinions]

• provided neither love or money for one man.  He dropped his $5 million class-action suit against the online dating site because of the “the amount of ridicule” he was getting.  Dbag.  (Who could resist?) []

• One major difference between novel writers David Baldacci and Lisa Reardon: Baldacci has never been accused of shooting and attempting to murder his father.  [ABA Journal]

• That quirky Ellen DeGeneres has a lot going for her, doesn’t she?  She’s funny, adored, rich, pulls the hottest chicks and is your new judge on ratings juggernaut American Idol.  So you know someone wants a piece of her—and it’s the recording industry.  Her daytime talk hour, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, is being sued over copyright violations for songs the host obnoxiously dances to everyday without paying license fees.  Paging Mr. Camera[Reuters]

• It used to be the other way around, but nowadays many laid-off lawyers are thinking the barista life is the way to go.  But the law let Starbucks coffee schleps without hope this week.  An overturned ruling that would have forced the coffee giant to pay $86 million in restitution to baristas who were forced to share their tips with supervisors in California was turned down for further consideration by the state supreme court.  Because supervisors are coffee schleps too.  [San Diego Union-Tribune]

• U.S. Rep. Joe Wilson is the new right-wing public enemy based on his “You lie” outburst during Obama’s heath care speech on Wednesday night.  “One of his foes: [Michael Maistelman] a Milwaukee lawyer who started a Facebook page devoted to booting the South Carolina congressman out of office.” [JSOnline]

• Lawyer of the weekend: Michael Douglas.  He stars as a corrupt Louisiana district attorney in the new-release remake of the 1954 drama Beyond a Reasonable Doubt.  Apparently it sucks, and Mr. Douglas is more concerned with finding a good attorney for his son[Entertainment Weekly]

• The fight has been called on a lawyer/lawyer royal rumble: “The battle between Boston law firms Donovan Hatem LLP and the Boston office of LeClairRyan has finally concluded with Donovan Hatem being ordered by Judge Judith Fabricant to pay nine of the ex-partners from Donovan Hatem over $3 million, as well as attorney fees.” [Boston Business Journal]

• If you want to be a sob-story victim in this economy, lie and say you’re a lawyer.  Then try to be a immigration lawyer.  Then bilk more than $1,000 from at least one immigrant.  Then be indicted.  The experience is similar to not having a jar glove[The New York Times]

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