Bitter News, 9-30-09

Headlines from the Bitter Newsroom as overhyped as a Britney “3”-way and as together as JT & JB:

• “The three-year-old controversy over whether New Jersey lawyers can tout their inclusion in Super Lawyers, Best Lawyers or other ratings publications is again before the state Supreme Court.” Something about people developing unrealistic expectations.  Like when you say “Garden State.” [New Jersey Law Journal]

• How will the Polanski reps at Manatt Phelps deal with this one?  “A former prosecutor said Wednesday he lied when he told a documentary film crew that he advised a judge handling Roman Polanski’s sex case that he should send the director to prison.” AND Marcia Clark?  Oh, dear.  [Associated Press]

“Being a summer associate at a large law firm was the cushiest of positions.” Was.  Was.  Was.  A survey of 2009 BigLaw summer associates yield unsurprising results.  Having to face “the rough realities of the continuing economic downturn,” Summers2K9 were less than optimistic.  Quick Draw Chart McGraw AKA Law Shucks sputtered out some quick reference material to best analyze the data.  And can you believe there was an inverse correlation between firms who experienced layoffs and summer associate satisfaction?  (No, I will not get out of town.  It’s true.) [The Am Law Daily | Law Shucks]

• LMAO. “A California appeals judge who scolded lawyers for using too many acronyms decided to set an example by avoiding them in 27 pages of his opinion.” ROTFL.  [ABA Journal]

• Forget about breaching the justice system, we can’t being having a treasure trove of secrets about the Texas Tech football team going into the Twitterverse.  Head coach Mike Leach (who’s a former lawyer Bitter Lawyer interviewed back in May) banned his players from using the microblog after he caught wind of them posting things like, “This is not how I saw our season.” Leach called his tweeting team members a bunch of “narcissists” and offered to put mirrors up in the locker room so they can stare at themselves instead.  []

• Roy Werbel filed lawsuits against breakfast cereals Froot Loops and Cap’n Crunch Crunchberries because he claims the brands used trickery to convince him that the tasty morning joys were “nourishing and fruit-filled.” Unconcerned about being publicly outed for having a double-digit IQ, Werbel (who, his lawyer claims, is “educated”) has gone into class-action territory with attorney Jeff Kravitz by his side.  They believe it will bring other confused dingleberries out of the woodwork. And perhaps when Kravitz is done, he can help Japanese consumers of Doritos figure out this kick in the nuts[San Francisco News Blog]

• “Stuffed!  In Your Face!  By a Judge!” Tis’ the season for denials, refusals and overturns:

—Twarted: Fed judge overturned a $388 million jury verdict against Microsoft.  [WSJ]

—Stonewalled: Judge won’t throw out rape suit vs. Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger.  [USA Today]

—Dees Nuts: Appeals court dismissed Dan Rather’s $70 mill lawsuit against CBS. [Reuters]

—Burned: Bankruptcy judge rejected NHL and Canadian bids for belly-up Phoenix Coyotes [Bloomberg]

—King of Denial: Fed judged refused the gov’s plans to build roads through CA forests.  [LA Times]

• Recessionnomics: IL offers free CLE for lawyers who take a pro bono case.  [Illinois Lawyer Now]

• It’s not quite law, but it’s worth mentioning that there is no sex in the champagne room your dorm room.  Well, if you have a roommate at Tufts University, that is.  The school has banned any student from “sexiling” his roommate and interfering with his/her lifestyle by banging away with someone if the other is in the room.  Just watch the video… [Huffington Post]