Bitter News, Week of August 8th, 2011

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Here are your headlines from the Bitter Newsroom, where we bounce back!

Why Lawyer Pay Will Shrink: Reverse auctions are driving Biglaw rates down as large firms anonymously submit quotes for a jobs posted by major companies. With the increased number of lawyers being dumped into the market graduating each year, it seems like this may be a trend with legs. Whoops, forgot to say something funny—so here’s a funny video.

Sleep is for Closers: Law firms in London are setting up Japanese capsule hotel-style rooms for their sleep-deprived attorneys. Along with the high paychecks, many magic circle attorneys find themselves going for days without sleep when trying to close a deal. Such accommodations might work well at certain US law firms, allowing first year associates to save money on renting a place they’ll never see.

First Let’s Kill the (Contract) Lawyers! An upset client is suing its former law firm, McDermott Will & Emery, based on the work of its contract attorneys. According to the suit, the document review warriors (the hard working sort found throughout the nation these days) negligently turned over “privileged or irrelevant documents” to the U.S. Attorney’s office, “which in turn provided the materials to plaintiffs who refuse to return them.” In blaming the large energy firm, the suit asserts that the large firm failed to properly supervise its contract attorneys. Here’s a prevention solution: have partners do document review at the contract lawyer rate! Ha ha, what a nice jest … can I offer you more caviar?

A New Challenger Appears: A CA/NV firm is on top of our list of Most Badass Firm Names™ . As their home page notes: “clients enjoy our unintentionally ominous name.

Adorable Small Town America: An African American student is suing her former high school district for allowing the predominantly white student body to hold a homecoming event called “Wigger Day”. We in the Newsroom long for the halcyon days of our own high school when such bad ideas consisted of “Throw the freshman of whatever race or religion into a trash can and roll them down Senior Hill Day.”

Your Alternate Career as a Screenwriter Just Got Harder: Starbucks locations in NYC are blocking electrical outlets to discourage the rising scourge of students, “writers” and “freelancers” clogging space and hurting business. From years of informal surveys, the latter two categories are really just unemployed Facebookers-who-want-to-look-busy.

Walk the Plank: A GameStop employee decided to Tweet a photo of himself planking at work; he was seen by managment at the company and promptly fired. This is our learned opinion on the dying phenomenon.

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