Ahhh, the sweet smell of schadenfreude. Let’s face it, we’ve probably all worn a stupid costume or two in our time, but yours probably wasn’t immortalized in a mugshot. (Yes, yes, fine, we did originally write this for Halloween, but c’mon – it’s funny all year around.) 1.This fairy may have wished those wings were real.…
10 Things Never To Say To Your Law School Prof
1. Sorry, I got high/drunk/laid last night is not a valid excuse for missing class 2. “Because I got high/drunk/laid last night, I missed class. I can’t make it to any of your office hours, so could you come in on the weekend and tell me everything I missed in class?” 3. “My other grandmother…
7 Deadly Sins of Law School
Across the country, law students are entering their august institutions. We here at Bitter Lawyer are happy to guide these students through the perils of their epic quest for a J.D. by reposting helpful tidbits provided by those that came before them. Stand on the shoulders of bitter giants, students. Everything has its own special…
Torts Will Destroy My GPA
Oh, law school. Where to begin? I know! Torts. Oh, torts. You are awful. I am not even sure why. You are like the Magic-Grow Animals of the law: The concept seems simple. And then, it grows. Exceptions creep in. Half the Restatement rule was picked up, but the other half was not. Slotting the…
Law School is Full of Gossip
I have survived “mid-terms,” aka “early-semester indicators of stupidity,” so it appears that I will not need to drop out of law school and ride the rails, hobo style, mourning my inability to understand the elements of battery. I will not publicly lament my grades. Wait, screw it. Yes, I will. OMIGOD, law school. These…
Law School Mid-Terms Should Not Happen in September
Inexplicably, we have begun midterms. I know, we’re like four weeks in, so how can it already be the middle of the term? It is not. It would be more accurate to call these, early-semester indicators of your stupidity, but obviously the profs decided that was a bit wordy. You may think from last week’s…
Commas and Semicolons, and Colons, Oh My!
Has anyone noticed that lawyers are obsessed with punctuation marks? I mean, just obsessed. I mean, I get it: Correct grammar can make a profound difference. But seriously, when is the last time the choice between a semicolon and a colon had immense implications for your writing? Damn it! Now, I’m trying to think of…
First Week of Law School: Kitten Heels, Creased Dockers, and Widespread Panic
Inexplicably, after many years of higher education and a semi-successful career, law school sounded like a great idea. Please enjoy this column, dedicated to documenting the results of that “great” idea. Monday night, the enthusiasm is palpable. The hoard is ready, they will mingle and network come hell or high water. I am torn: I…
Top Six Things You Are Doing The Day After The Bar
Sleeping Literally Everywhere All the tiredness you’ve been staving off for the last six weeks is going to catch up with you in a rush. You will fall asleep in your car, at the dinner table, while your significant other is talking. Anywhere, any time. Your body has a lot to make up for. Drinking…
I’m a Lawyer, But Not Yours — So Don’t Ask
I will not do any of these things because you are not my client. And I am not your lawyer.
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