Bitter Empire

endings

Dear Bitter Butch: What Can I Do About The Office Skeeve?

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Dear Bitter Butch, One of the senior executives at my workplace is a bit of a skeeze in that he showers women at our workplace with ambiguously inappropriate attention. From what I’ve seen, the attention ranges from overly friendly hugs, to hands at the small of the back when opening doors, to fairly frequent office visits with…

Five Absurd Mugshots, Just In Time For Halloween

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Ahhh, the sweet smell of schadenfreude. Let’s face it, we’ve probably all worn a stupid costume or two in our time, but yours probably wasn’t immortalized in a mugshot. (Yes, yes, fine, we did originally write this for Halloween, but c’mon – it’s funny all year around.) 1.This fairy may have wished those wings were real.…

All Hail Rockula, The Movie Of Your Halloween Dreams

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Spoiler: You need to watch this movie immediately. It’s streaming on Amazon Prime! Rockula has a 1990 release date, but don’t let that date odometer rollover fool you: This movie celebrated the end of the ‘80s by cramming in every last bit of that decade they could find. It is fantastic. It’s not good, exactly,…

10 Things Never To Say To Your Law School Prof

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1. Sorry, I got high/drunk/laid last night is not a valid excuse for missing class 2. “Because I got high/drunk/laid last night, I missed class. I can’t make it to any of your office hours, so could you come in on the weekend and tell me everything I missed in class?” 3. “My other grandmother…

When You Picture the Future, Think of a Dutch Police Eagle Crushing a Drone, Forever

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SHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE–*crunch* No, I haven’t lost my mind. Rather, that’s my artist’s impression of the sound a Dutch police eagle makes when it gets medieval on a quadcopter. (Off topic, that might be the best sentence I’ve written in my short career as a writer.) Alongside hoverboards and vuvuzelas, commercial drones are one of those modern…

The Halcyon Days When Scandals, Gaffes, and Flubs Ended Presidential Campaigns

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“In a normal year, this could be a campaign-ending event,” people (mostly in the media) have said as Trump has re-Tweeted neo-Nazis, lied about his charitable donations, casually suggested pulling out of NATO, and most recently (as of this writing) asked a hostile foreign power to spy on us to benefit his campaign. (Editor’s note:…

Blame Old Sitcoms For The Fact That Bigots Don’t Think They Are Bigots

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If you’ve been paying attention to the Presidential race, you’ve probably noticed a couple of things: Trump’s tiny kitten paws with the delicate macaroni nubs he calls fingers. But after that, you’ve probably noticed a couple more things: The GOP rhetoric — particularly but by no means exclusively Trump’s — has gotten incredibly racist. Conservatives…