My friends would say I’m relatively laid back. No, really. In my normal life, no one would ever think, “hey, I bet you really enjoy crushing people’s dreams.” Well, I’m here to tell you that I do. I don’t know why. It seems reasonable to assume that in grad school I still had something to…
10 Greatest Fictional Lawyers (Overlooked by the ABA Journal)
The ABA Journal featured The 25 Greatest Fictional Lawyers (Who are Not Atticus Finch). Some are interesting, like Vincent “Vinny” Gambini from My Cousin Vinny, but they took the lazy road of handing out honors to pretty much every hour-long prime time legal show, including Law & Order, Boston Legal, L.A. Law and Ally McBeal. They…
Commas and Semicolons, and Colons, Oh My!
Has anyone noticed that lawyers are obsessed with punctuation marks? I mean, just obsessed. I mean, I get it: Correct grammar can make a profound difference. But seriously, when is the last time the choice between a semicolon and a colon had immense implications for your writing? Damn it! Now, I’m trying to think of…
Law School Just Sucks
You guys, why didn’t you tell me law school was haaaard? It’s hard. Don’t get me wrong, it’s interesting. You lawyers have some brass balls. This week, alone, I’ve learned that an airplane is not a motor vehicle and that if you get caught selling drugs near a park, you should at least try arguing…
Lawyers Discover Clients Always Right. Always!
In a rather embarrassing admission, attorney Mark Klein has stated his clients are “always right.” It is a shocking statement to most lawyers. “I always thought clients were just mistaken when they said ‘my case is a clear cut winner,’ but, as it almost always turns out, they are correct,” stated the Sacramento solicitor. Klein…
First Week of Law School: Kitten Heels, Creased Dockers, and Widespread Panic
Inexplicably, after many years of higher education and a semi-successful career, law school sounded like a great idea. Please enjoy this column, dedicated to documenting the results of that “great” idea. Monday night, the enthusiasm is palpable. The hoard is ready, they will mingle and network come hell or high water. I am torn: I…
Why BigLaw Associates Should Listen to Me
At conferences throughout the year, I’m often pigeonholed by attendees, who look at my name and ask me this question: “Who the fuck are you?” After I explain who I am and I buy a few rounds of drinks, people start talking to me. After a few more drinks, I tell them why my advice…
Five Godawful YouTube Video Depositions
7 Deadly Sins of Law School
Across the country, law students are entering their august institutions. We here at Bitter Lawyer are happy to guide these students through the perils of their epic quest for a J.D. by reposting helpful tidbits provided by those that came before them. Stand on the shoulders of bitter giants, students. Everything has its own special…
Top Six Things You Are Doing The Day After The Bar
Sleeping Literally Everywhere All the tiredness you’ve been staving off for the last six weeks is going to catch up with you in a rush. You will fall asleep in your car, at the dinner table, while your significant other is talking. Anywhere, any time. Your body has a lot to make up for. Drinking…