You guys, why didn’t you tell me law school was haaaard? It’s hard. Don’t get me wrong, it’s interesting. You lawyers have some brass balls. This week, alone, I’ve learned that an airplane is not a motor vehicle and that if you get caught selling drugs near a park, you should at least try arguing…
Lawyers Discover Clients Always Right. Always!
In a rather embarrassing admission, attorney Mark Klein has stated his clients are “always right.” It is a shocking statement to most lawyers. “I always thought clients were just mistaken when they said ‘my case is a clear cut winner,’ but, as it almost always turns out, they are correct,” stated the Sacramento solicitor. Klein…
First Week of Law School: Kitten Heels, Creased Dockers, and Widespread Panic
Inexplicably, after many years of higher education and a semi-successful career, law school sounded like a great idea. Please enjoy this column, dedicated to documenting the results of that “great” idea. Monday night, the enthusiasm is palpable. The hoard is ready, they will mingle and network come hell or high water. I am torn: I…
Why BigLaw Associates Should Listen to Me
At conferences throughout the year, I’m often pigeonholed by attendees, who look at my name and ask me this question: “Who the fuck are you?” After I explain who I am and I buy a few rounds of drinks, people start talking to me. After a few more drinks, I tell them why my advice…
Five Godawful YouTube Video Depositions
Top Six Things You Are Doing The Day After The Bar
Sleeping Literally Everywhere All the tiredness you’ve been staving off for the last six weeks is going to catch up with you in a rush. You will fall asleep in your car, at the dinner table, while your significant other is talking. Anywhere, any time. Your body has a lot to make up for. Drinking…
Warning Signs You Are a Doc Review Lifer
For those who may have missed the warning signs, here are the signs that you may be a doc review lifer
Bitter Vault: Friends Don’t Let Friends Give Them Legal Advice
Reason No. 2,341 that I hate being a lawyer: when a friend or family member asks for my legal advice.
Top Three Stand-Up Comedians Who Were Lawyers
There’s something about a law degree that draws closeted stand-up comedians into its tractor beam
Why the Declaration of Independence Is the Greatest Complaint of All Time
The Declaration of Independence alleges the King was a pirate and maybe even a necromancer. And its demand for relief was the existence of America. USA USA!
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