Seven Things to Look Forward to as a Junior Associate: 1. Doing absolutely nothing all week, then getting a Friday phone call from a partner at 5:15 PM. 2. Being uninteresting to people with cool jobs. 3. Telling people that vacations are for pussies and actually believing it. 4. Telling your friends that you have…
Torts Will Destroy My GPA
Oh, law school. Where to begin? I know! Torts. Oh, torts. You are awful. I am not even sure why. You are like the Magic-Grow Animals of the law: The concept seems simple. And then, it grows. Exceptions creep in. Half the Restatement rule was picked up, but the other half was not. Slotting the…
Law School is Full of Gossip
I have survived “mid-terms,” aka “early-semester indicators of stupidity,” so it appears that I will not need to drop out of law school and ride the rails, hobo style, mourning my inability to understand the elements of battery. I will not publicly lament my grades. Wait, screw it. Yes, I will. OMIGOD, law school. These…
I Overheard a Partner Bitching About Me
I fear my job is on the line. It’s not my fault the rainmaker thought I had the experience of a fifth or sixth year law firm associate
Law School Mid-Terms Should Not Happen in September
Inexplicably, we have begun midterms. I know, we’re like four weeks in, so how can it already be the middle of the term? It is not. It would be more accurate to call these, early-semester indicators of your stupidity, but obviously the profs decided that was a bit wordy. You may think from last week’s…
Five Types of Law Partners
The five kinds of terrible and awful law partners you meet in BigLaw firms.
Law School is Psychological Warfare
My friends would say I’m relatively laid back. No, really. In my normal life, no one would ever think, “hey, I bet you really enjoy crushing people’s dreams.” Well, I’m here to tell you that I do. I don’t know why. It seems reasonable to assume that in grad school I still had something to…
10 Greatest Fictional Lawyers (Overlooked by the ABA Journal)
The ABA Journal featured The 25 Greatest Fictional Lawyers (Who are Not Atticus Finch). Some are interesting, like Vincent “Vinny” Gambini from My Cousin Vinny, but they took the lazy road of handing out honors to pretty much every hour-long prime time legal show, including Law & Order, Boston Legal, L.A. Law and Ally McBeal. They…
Commas and Semicolons, and Colons, Oh My!
Has anyone noticed that lawyers are obsessed with punctuation marks? I mean, just obsessed. I mean, I get it: Correct grammar can make a profound difference. But seriously, when is the last time the choice between a semicolon and a colon had immense implications for your writing? Damn it! Now, I’m trying to think of…
Law School Just Sucks
You guys, why didn’t you tell me law school was haaaard? It’s hard. Don’t get me wrong, it’s interesting. You lawyers have some brass balls. This week, alone, I’ve learned that an airplane is not a motor vehicle and that if you get caught selling drugs near a park, you should at least try arguing…
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