Cinéma Atroce: Masters of the Universe

This one’s for all you (and we) children of the ’80s who grew up watching He-Man and She-Ra battle Skeletor for the good of Eternia. It’s for those of you who *may* have played with a plastic Sword of Power/Protection and shouted things like “By the power of Grayskull” or “For the honor of Grayskull,” and “I have the power!” (We’re looking at you, Wendy.)

Fun fact: He-Man originated as an action figure, then the comic, then they made the cartoon. And then came the movie. What can we say about it? Dolph Lundgren as He-Man! Frank Langella as Skeletor! A very young Courteney Cox, just post-Misfits of Science, as Julie “The Screamer” Winston! Our friend Carl thinks it was entirely miscast, but you be the judge. He also said of the movie, “[I]t completely destroyed one of my most cherished childhood things: He-Man.” Prepared to have your childhood ruined! (Sorrynotsorry, Carl.) And, please join in the commentary! 

Showtime is tonight, 9pm Central. Make yourself a cocktail, find a comfy spot on the couch, tune in to Masters of the Universe on Netflix, and pull up the livechat starting at 9pm CDT.

Jump right down to the livechat.

Tonight’s Movie

Tonight’s Host Bloggers

Bomb Voyage and Bomberella as The Bomb Squad: Dismantling bad movies one live-chat at a time.

Tonight’s Cocktail

Tonight’s Livechat

Bomberella: It's ridiculous how excited I am for this movie.

Bomberella: I honestly don't even remember the show all that well. But I do remember playing with my friend Wendy's She-Ra sword.

Bomberella: A lot.

Bomberella: Like, a lot a lot.

Bomb_Voyage: A He-Man was my first action figure, and my dog ate one of his hands the day I got it. So disappointing.

Bomb_Voyage: But I also had the bad eagle that flapped its wings when you pushed a button-lever thing on its leg, which was sweet.

Bomberella: He-Man started as an action figure; the comics and cartoon came afterward.

Bomberella: He-Man was also my first crush, of a sort.

Bomb_Voyage: Man-At-Arms was my favorite character, along with Battle Cat. But looking back, I think Ram Man might have been the best: http://he-man.wikia.com/wik…

Bomberella: I had a dream in which He-Man and She-Ra were making out, which, knowing they're siblings, is pretty gross. But I imagined myself as She-Ra, so that made it okay.

Bomb_Voyage: If you need to brush up on your background, here's the cast of characters: https://en.wikipedia.org/wi…

Bomb_Voyage: Didn't She-Ra and He-Man live on different planets or something? I remember being really confused about how they got around.

Wendy: We're ready! I was all about Masters of the Universe – mostly She-Ra, but I definitely gave this film multiple viewings, and saw He-Man and She-Ra on ice in Minneapolis. My husband has never seen this, so I dragged him into this viewing as well (I'll try to share some of his comments, too)

Bomberella: Yes. He-Ra lived on Eternia and She-Ra lived on Etheria.

Bomberella: OMG Wendy, you saw He-Man and She-Ra on Ice? Of course you did.

Bomberella: Yes, please share Shawn's comments. It's way more fun watching it with someone.

callmetreebeard: Hey yo

Wendy: As a newbie, question for the hosts: will you give us a countdown to push play, a la Wizard of Oz + Dark Side of the Moon, so we're synced up?

Bomberella: Yes! We don't really do a great job of counting down. But it's pretty close to 9 PM.

Bomberella: And we try to sync it up.

Wendy: I'd better hurry up and find this. And put my mask and arm bands on.

Wendy: J/K

Bomberella: I picture you with the sword on your lap and the crown on your head.

Bomb_Voyage: (It winds up not being super important if we're not precisely synced up. Anything within a minute or two is fine.)

Bomberella: Okay everyone, it's almost time!

Bomb_Voyage: Ready!

callmetreebeard: I am loading it now….

Bomberella: Pour yourself a White Russian–I mean, Castle Grayskull–and get ready.

Wendy: Loading

callmetreebeard: The Word Art lettering is inspiring

Bomberella: All set?

Wendy: The quality of these opening credits.

Wendy: This feels like it should be on VHS

Bomb_Voyage: @Wendy Wait for it …

Bomberella: It should be on VHS.

Bomb_Voyage: @Bomberella Wait are you already going? I was waiting for you to say go.

Bomberella: Okay, GO!

Bomberella: If you already started, just pause for a sec.

Wendy: Pick a spot and we'll all pause, maybe? (I'm in the middle of the cast credits)

callmetreebeard: Oh gosh I already went to. I am at production designer william stout

Bomberella: Okay stop at William Stout.

Bomb_Voyage: Seriously people.

Bomberella: It's complicated!

Bomb_Voyage: It's not.

Wendy: I've paused at guards standing at attention.

Bomberella: Is everyone there?

Wendy: 2 seconds after end of credits.

Bomb_Voyage: We say go, then everybody goes.

Wendy: Sorry, jumped the gun.

Bomberella: It's cool.

Bomberella: It's just so exciting.

callmetreebeard: I had do a double take on courteney cox being in this

Bomberella: Right?

Bomb_Voyage: I did not remember the Darth Vader opening.

Bomberella: She's super young.

callmetreebeard: also is everyone darth vader?

Wendy: I forgot Christina Pickles was in it! Gellars, full circle.

Bomberella: Indeed.

Bomberella: I hope there's a David Schwimmer cameo we missed.

Bomb_Voyage: You know what's better than one Darth Vader? DOZENS of Darths Vader!!!

TheQueenOfMpls: OOf, Sorry, Late to the game. Just joined.

callmetreebeard: I think I may actually love this

Bomberella: Okay push play again.

jwalkmpls: WAIT for me

TheQueenOfMpls: Graphics are great, yall. Totally syths.

Bomberella: These were great CGI effects for the time.

callmetreebeard: are we still going with this or we all going to try and sync

Bomberella: And sponsored by Acuvue.

jwalkmpls: callmetreebeard that is a hilarious name

TheQueenOfMpls: Courteney Cox?!? What??

Bomberella: Christina Pickles!

callmetreebeard: I try my best 🙂

callmetreebeard: Skeletor! YES! I love that name

Bomb_Voyage: Just go with it. This reminds me of trying to Skype with my parents where they spend the first ten minutes going "CAN YOU HEAR ME! I CAN'T SEE YOU!"

Wendy: "How does his bone face flex?" – Husband

callmetreebeard: That's a very good question

Bomb_Voyage: Oh Prince Adam.

Bomberella: It's baby bones.

Bomberella: They're more flexible.

Bomb_Voyage: Eternia is kind of a shithole TBH.

callmetreebeard: Right?

TheQueenOfMpls: I barely remember seeing this in the theaters.

Bomb_Voyage: I think I remember this place from Star Trek.

jwalkmpls: can someone give me a time sync check?

Bomb_Voyage: [image]

callmetreebeard: more darth vaders!

Bomberella: Dolph Lundgren hasn't aged much,

TheQueenOfMpls: Gold brain

Bomberella: I'm at 5:45.

Wendy: Shoot, I'm behind. Sorry if I comment on Dolph Lundgren's shiny pecs a few seconds after you.

callmetreebeard: oh wow… he's got tight tights

TheQueenOfMpls: Is that Kirstey Alley?

Bomberella: I think some people are ahead. It's fine.

Bomb_Voyage: Is that Orko?

callmetreebeard: wtf!? A little troll?

Bomb_Voyage: Apparently not.

TheQueenOfMpls: He's hurting the snow queen!

Bomberella: Yes! A troll!

jwalkmpls: those are like darth vader stormtrooper hybrid babies

Wendy: This is like Spaceballs meets Thor

Bomb_Voyage: Not Orko, that is. Possibly a troll.

Bomb_Voyage: Meets Labyrinth.

Bomberella: Meets Willow.

callmetreebeard: oh locksmith and inventor. I guess.

jwalkmpls: i'm just saying he looks an awful lot like beastmaster

Wendy: Is that Jennifer Anniston? #Friends

Wendy: Oh no, wait, that's Leprechaun

Bomberella: Meets Leprechaun

Bomb_Voyage: I hope they're going to take a stab at explaining how swords and armor are still relevant when there are laser weapons everywhere.

TheQueenOfMpls: Fabio got a mullet. Oh, wait that;s prince adam.

Wendy: Have you guys done Willow yet? If not, please add that to your list.

callmetreebeard: staffs are always needed

TheQueenOfMpls: I love and loathe Willow!

Bomb_Voyage: @Wendy I wish. Not yet on Netflix on demand.

Bomberella: We have not done Willow!

callmetreebeard: Skeletor is such a dumb name. I'm sorry

Wendy: The Shire meets the hatch in Lost

TheQueenOfMpls: Oh,yeah these are totally darth vaders.

Bomb_Voyage: @callmetreebeard They all have dumb names. The most literal names possible.

Bomb_Voyage: In fact, Teela is basically the only one with a normal name.

jwalkmpls: He-Man lol

Bomberella: @callmetreebeard, would you rather he be called Skelethor?

Wendy: Only in the '80s would the most magic device of all-time be a synthesizer.

Bomberella: Teela is not a normal name.

jwalkmpls: @bomberella lol

TheQueenOfMpls: Troll

TheQueenOfMpls: oops

Bomb_Voyage: @Bomberella It's like fantasy normal.

jwalkmpls: dolph is very pretty actually

TheQueenOfMpls: Troll's annoying.

Bomberella: @jwalkmpls, so true.

callmetreebeard: more darth vaders!

jwalkmpls: over under on troll being a little person or just a muppet of some kind?

Bomb_Voyage: Darth Vader has gone from badass to goon.

callmetreebeard: Ionize!!!!

TheQueenOfMpls: I don't remember so much technology being in the cartoons.

Bomberella: They totally destroyed the troll's yard. He didn't even have a garden gnome to protect it.

Bomberella: So sad.

callmetreebeard: Was that a spell or a statement?

jwalkmpls: also how is little person still a thing we say i mean ridiculous

Bomberella: @jwalkmpls, I agree. I feel like that's worse.

TheQueenOfMpls: Cosmic Key=Lame

callmetreebeard: Omg. I just realize you guys weren't being funny that his name is he-man

Bomb_Voyage: Oh it was the sorceress and Evil-Lyn who can turn into birds.

callmetreebeard: that is his literal name

Bomberella: Holograms!

TheQueenOfMpls: When did Prince Adam get so greasy?

Bomberella: @callmetreebeard, have you never heard of He-Man??

callmetreebeard: Very passively

jwalkmpls: @callmetreebeard i take back liking your name how are you honestly watching this not knowing that he-man existed

Bomberella: @TheQueenofMpls, they have an excess of bacon grease on Eternia.

jwalkmpls: she-ra!? anything!?

Bomberella: Someone has to use it.

callmetreebeard: Nah. I didn't know he-man was a real dude. Sorry y'all

Bomb_Voyage: They really did rip off Star Wars pretty shamelessly. Even the Skeletor music sounds like the Imperial March.

Wendy: Is that a qwerty keyboard?

Bomb_Voyage: Also it's weird that Skeletor has eyeballs, right?

jwalkmpls: dat jawline tho

Bomberella: "Everything comes to he who waits." -Skeletor

callmetreebeard: No

Bomb_Voyage: Shouldn't he have like glowing balls or something?

jwalkmpls: whoa SKELETOR that CGI translates bro

TheQueenOfMpls: I can see why CGI is so popular now.

jwalkmpls: lol

Bomberella: He should have empty sockets.

Bomb_Voyage: Skeletor's like "Jesus these goons couldn't hit the broad side of a barn."

jwalkmpls: that is a straight halloween mask

callmetreebeard: Wow. That star warsness of this movie is incredible

jwalkmpls: pick it up at walgreens

Wendy: Gonna copy that cat-eye look, Evil-Lyn

Bomberella: Word.

TheQueenOfMpls: WTF is Gravitonic?!?

Bomberella: Interestingly enough, the Scream series ripped off Skeletor.

TheQueenOfMpls: ripped off Narnia, too.

Bomberella: Wes Craven set a Skeletor mask on his radiator and Boom! Scream was born.

Bomberella: *(Not a true statement.)

jwalkmpls: not only is troll a troll but he's also a ginger? tough break.

Wendy: "What's your favorite scary Star Wars knock-off?"

callmetreebeard: monitor the frequencies!

TheQueenOfMpls: "everything comes to those who waits." Skeletor or Heinz Ketchup. Who said it first?

Bomb_Voyage: Oh no do they end up on Earth or something?

Bomb_Voyage: That would be lame.

callmetreebeard: damn tho

Bomberella: @Bomb_Voyage, I'm so glad you watch the trailers…

callmetreebeard: he-man is RIPPED

Bomberella: And it's all real.

TheQueenOfMpls: Yeah, I forgot, a sword defense from a laser.

Bomb_Voyage: @Bomberella I like to be surprised.

Bomberella: Dolph Lundgren also has a ridiculously high IQ.

Bomberella: He was going for his PhD in mechanical engineering but decided to go into acting instead.

Wendy: How did Dolph Lundgren not end up a huge star?

callmetreebeard: This troll is fucking awful

Bomb_Voyage: @Wendy He's ripped and smart, but not necessarily a good actor.

Wendy: @Bomb_Voyage (oh, no, yeah, totally not)

TheQueenOfMpls: I might fastforward some.

jwalkmpls: like 'til the end?

TheQueenOfMpls: LOL. Ugh. Maybe.

callmetreebeard: @thequeenofmpls I am at 19:30

callmetreebeard: if that helps

Wendy: Here comes the part where they're confused by all of Earth's crazy new-fangled tecnhology and intelligent lifeforms!

callmetreebeard: I mean wow… he's really built. Go him man. I need to workout

TheQueenOfMpls: EWWWW! Gillslits!

Bomberella: Well, can you blame them? I mean, cell phones. And satellite TV.

Bomberella: Courteney Cox!

callmetreebeard: Whoo!

Bomb_Voyage: My two least favorite plot devices are (1) aliens on earth! (2) time travel.

jwalkmpls: yaaaaaaaas

Bomberella: Did anyone else watch her in Misfits of Science?

callmetreebeard: with a dose of love plot dosed in

jwalkmpls: her name is julie that's my name!

callmetreebeard: wow that was repetitive. eh

Bomberella: @Bomb_Voyage: do you count Superman as an alien on Earth?

jwalkmpls: courteney cox and i are one in this universe

jwalkmpls: superman is the actual worst

Wendy: coveting that jean jacket

Bomberella: @jwalkmpls: Christopher Reeves Superman or the whole franchise?

Bomb_Voyage: @Bomberella Superhero movies are mostly the exception. They're not as likely to overplay the oh-it's-so-weird angle.

callmetreebeard: That jean jacket is noice.

jwalkmpls: why does 17yo courteney cox have a 42yo womanhaircut

TheQueenOfMpls: There she is!

TheQueenOfMpls: It's the 80s

Wendy: @jwalkmpls maybe Phoebe cut it

Bomberella: Everyone had a 42 year old woman haircut back then.

Bomberella: Look at Dolph. Look at Kevin.

jwalkmpls: fair

Bomberella: I'm sure if we saw underneath the storm trooper helmets: 42 year old women hair.

jwalkmpls: yeah but on account of the helmets

TheQueenOfMpls: And her parents are dead.

Bomberella: "Masters of the Universe": sponsored by KFC

callmetreebeard: but not really tho

jwalkmpls: troll is exactly as distracting (if only slightly less racist) than mickey rooney's character in breakfast at tiffany's

callmetreebeard: wow that got real emotional and deep fast

Bomberella: "Julie, c'mon. It was a plane crash. These things just happen. Now let me pressure you to do things you don't want to do."

callmetreebeard: oh that tie with that shirt has g2g

jwalkmpls: so, really, it's YOUR fault my parents are dead, KEVIN

Bomb_Voyage: So the gateway thingamagig makes music now?

Bomberella: It is a synthesizer…

Wendy: Aren't those the chords from Close Encounters?

Bomberella: Probably.

jwalkmpls: she got over her dead parents real fast when she saw that future thing

TheQueenOfMpls: YEah, Julie. Com'on. Tired of feeling sorry for you about your dead parents!

Bomberella: All it takes is shiny objects!

Bomberella: Because Julie is a raccoon.

Bomb_Voyage: I can't wait to hear Julie's boyfriend's band play.

Bomberella: Good thing He-Man is so shiny…

Bomb_Voyage: I bet He-Man dances.

callmetreebeard: @Bomb_Voyage I really hope so

Bomberella: OF COURSE Julie's boyfriend plays keyboard.

jwalkmpls: let's vote. does skeletor look like he's 1) covered in white-out, or b) made of paper mache?

Wendy: Is his band the Illusions?!

TheQueenOfMpls: b

Wendy: "Amp this baby up"

callmetreebeard: Evil-lyn. Wooh. Can't get over the names

Bomb_Voyage: Beastman!

jwalkmpls: actually julie and kevin have the exact same haircut

TheQueenOfMpls: Gotta love streamers. Never go out of fashion.

Bomberella: I'm trying to figure out what the weird prong things are on the synthesizer. Pickle forks?

callmetreebeard: I want the mercenaries to be mortal kombat characters

Wendy: Is Skeletor using Google Maps to find them?

Wendy: BEASTMAN

Bomberella: @Wendy: GoogleEarth, actually.

Bomberella: It's pretty great.

Wendy: @Bomberella Bing

TheQueenOfMpls: He is, He is using street view app on Google maps!

Bomberella: Like Chandler Bing? gratuituos Friends reference

Bomberella: "Don't let anybody in here except Carl."

Bomberella: Too bad my friend Carl isn't here.

TheQueenOfMpls: There's a star trek Cyborg in this, too.

TheQueenOfMpls: Charlie don't know shit!

Wendy: "Especially don't let any interstellar travelers in here, geez Julie."

Bomberella: Seriously.

Wendy: "Carl? That you, Carl?"

callmetreebeard: space people are really terrible shots

Bomb_Voyage: I think movies like this usually end up on Earth because the special effects are cheaper.

Bomberella: "Yep, it's just us…er, me, Carl." – Not Carl.

TheQueenOfMpls: More sympathy! Okay, Julie. I get it. Your parents are dead.

callmetreebeard: @Bomb_Voyage yup

TheQueenOfMpls: clearly not carl.

Bomberella: Streamers ain't cheap, yo.

Bomb_Voyage: But you know what, just film it in the desert and tell me it's Eternia. It'll be cool. Don't go down to the local high school just so you don't have to come up with gas money.

Bomberella: They probably filmed this after someone's prom.

TheQueenOfMpls: cantreusethem

Bomberella: "So it's cool if we trash your gym, right? I mean, endoftheschoolyear."

callmetreebeard: They only had enough money to burn up the prom stuff once

TheQueenOfMpls: There was a hashtag some where in my last post

jwalkmpls: I thought you typed "after someone's porn," which is exactly as likely

Wendy: @Bomberella Same set as Enchantment Under the Sea

Bomberella: I was just going to ask the theme.

Bomb_Voyage: LEDs were expensive back them. Four or five alien locator devices, some Halloween masks, and the budget was shot.

callmetreebeard: @jwalkmpls lmao

callmetreebeard: I won't hurt you. I am just a big man in tights with a sword

Bomberella: So, do you think there's a Nice-Lyn? Like, Evil-Lyn's twin?

TheQueenOfMpls: Beast is being really dramatic.

Bomberella: And they hate being compared.

Bomb_Voyage: Oh kind incredibly-muscled stranger, please pick me up and set me gently on a trash heap.

Bomberella: Because twins.

callmetreebeard: LOL. He just gives her a gun

Wendy: "Easy, child. I'll take care of it."

Bomberella: "I was just waiting for Carl."

Wendy: Hair-stroking not weird at all

Bomberella: The 80's were all about hair.

Bomb_Voyage: It's a good thing the named baddies brought a troop of goons with them to be cannon fodder. Otherwise nobody would get killed.

jwalkmpls: we love hair-stroking. context irrelevant.

callmetreebeard: Courteney knows how to shoot a space gun. Good for her.

Bomberella: Courteney Cox=decent shot.

Bomb_Voyage: The 80s were absolutely all about hair, but 100% of it was bad hair.

Bomberella: I stand by my home perm.

TheQueenOfMpls: She knows how to use the gun. How convenient.

Bomb_Voyage: I mean, can you think of literally anyone in the 80s with hair that still looks cool?

TheQueenOfMpls: Who fights with swords nowadays anyway>

callmetreebeard: "Are you alright?"

Bomberella: @Bomb_Voyage Some people would still love Brad Pitt to have long hair. Not moi, but some people.

callmetreebeard: Do you understand what "safe" means. Even though it's the word I just learned cause I am from outerspace

Wendy: "Let's snuggle, that'll keep you safe"

Bomberella: Courteney Cox's hair actually improved by getting wet.

TheQueenOfMpls: This was fun, but I'm heading to bed.

Bomberella: Also, I would totally snuggle with He-Man.

callmetreebeard: @TheQueenOfMpls ah! good night.

Wendy: Yup

Bomberella: Thanks for joining us, @TheQueenOfMpls!

callmetreebeard: I would most def. snuggle with he-man

Wendy: Because all foreign technology in the '80s is Japanese.

jwalkmpls: he-man doesn't "snuggle"

Bomberella: "Go ahead and push random buttons. I promise nothing bad will happen to you with this weird looking prongy-thing."

Bomberella: @jwalkmpls, He-Man def snuggles in my dreams

Bomb_Voyage: I can't help liking Dolph in this movie.

Bomb_Voyage: He's so … nice.

callmetreebeard: He-Man does know how to get to the point

Bomberella: He's so earnest.

Bomb_Voyage: Earnest. That's the word.

Bomberella: Also, gotta love this chat in the trash.

Bomberella: "Trash Talk with Courteney and Dolph."

Bomberella: This week's topic: synthesizers.

jwalkmpls: courteney dropping her boyfriend in convo and he-man all like, damn guuurl i wasn't hitting on you

Bomberella: @jwalkmpls so true.

Wendy: Kevin's definitely more pissed about his busted band equipment than Julie's whereabouts.

Wendy: Isn't that the principal from Back the Future?

Bomberella: Yes! I was trying to place him.

Wendy: See, Enchantment Under the Sea dance! They even kept the extras!

Bomberella: "Have you seen my keyboard?"

Wendy: She's 5'5" … amazing hair cut … pink sweater …

Bomberella: "My girlfriend's probably fine, but did you see my amp?"

Bomb_Voyage: This movie is so fake. The cops haven't shot anyone yet.

Bomberella: …great jean jacket…goes by Julie…

callmetreebeard: ugh. I want that troll to go away

Bomberella: It's the Delorean!

Bomberella: The good thing about playing Skeletor in a terrible movie is no one will recognize you, so it's not a career killer #FrankLangella

jwalkmpls: i mean i feel like he-man's armor is not super well-thought out on account of it does protect his shoulders but like not his heart or any vital organs

Bomb_Voyage: Wait, Frank Langella?

Bomberella: But he does wear a cup, so…

Bomb_Voyage: @jwalkmpls Actually this is one movie where the man's armor is dumber than the woman's.

Bomberella: Yep. He plays Skeletor.
http://www.ifc.com/fix/2012…

callmetreebeard: @jwalkmpls so hes basically every female video game character

Bomb_Voyage: Even Evil-Lyn's sexy armor provides better protection than He-Man's.

Bomberella: Barely…

Bomberella: Also, where are we on the Bechdel test?

Bomb_Voyage: Didn't Evil-Lyn talk to the Sorceress at some point?

jwalkmpls: i mean, -11,072

Bomberella: Did we pass it with Evil Lyn and hologram Christina Pickles?

jwalkmpls: what's the over under on whether karg is julie's dead father

Bomberella: 85/15?

callmetreebeard: Courteney is no longer going to New Jersey

jwalkmpls: @Bomberella fair

Bomb_Voyage: "I don't think this is any synthesizer."
"That's no moon."

Wendy: @callmetreebeard Was she going to Dance in the Dark?

Bomberella: Oh I hope so!

callmetreebeard: dude. Evil-lyn is fierce

Bomberella: The only people who had good hair in the 80s were people with no hair.

Bomb_Voyage: It always amuses me that no sci-fi screenwriter or author outside of Star Trek ever thought up anything like a cell phone.

Bomberella: That past scanner thing is pretty sweet though.

callmetreebeard: Yeah that is

Bomberella: Is Kevin using the synthesizer as a tie rack?

Bomberella: Or is that his black belt for karate?

Bomb_Voyage: Also the remote-microwave-detonator.

callmetreebeard: Is it just me? But like, I just don't talk to cops THAT comfortably while I'm in my gf's house

callmetreebeard: at what point is it just a break in?

Bomberella: Another gratuitous KFC shot

Bomberella: @callmetreebeard, I'm with you. This is way too casual a convo

Bomberella: But also, that cop is really trusting "Just push that red button." "Okay, sure kid."

Bomberella: IT LOOKS LIKE A BOMB

Bomberella: But yeah, I'll push the red button.

callmetreebeard: burger king

callmetreebeard: wow.

Bomberella: OMG WE HAVE ALMOST AN HOUR LEFT!

callmetreebeard: that was so obvious

Wendy: He's going to take the synthesizer and go play it in his cool cop garage band

Bomb_Voyage: Actually all the women in this movie are wearing more clothing than He-Man. That's got to mean something.

Bomberella: Cop's gotta unwind, @Wendy.

Bomberella: He-Man has the best boobs?

callmetreebeard: @Bomberella ah! I almost spilled my drink. You're funny

Wendy: In case you forgot, Julie's parents are DEAD

Bomberella: @callmetreebeard, Thanks! I'll take that as a compliment.

callmetreebeard: omg I totally forgot that

callmetreebeard: thank you for the reminder

Bomb_Voyage: Whoa. They brought Jabba the Hutt's Sand Barge.

Bomberella: Did they just put a collar on Kevin?

callmetreebeard: truth collar

Bomberella: This took a weird 50 Shades of Grey turn

callmetreebeard: so he can answer questions without any additional context that would make the answer useful

Bomb_Voyage: Luckly not-Orko has turned an old Chevy into the DeLorean.

Bomberella: I need one of those.

Bomberella: Truth collar, I mean.

Bomberella: Or DeLorean/Chevy.

callmetreebeard: "all clear" except they didn't go anywhere

callmetreebeard: GOSH. I am sorry. I cannot get over how ripped he-man is

Bomb_Voyage: @callmetreebeard No, it's incredible.

Bomberella: Kevin's collar reminds me of the shotgun collar from Saw V
[image]

Bomberella: "If we dress like this, no one will recognize us." -A Ginger Troll in a crown.

jwalkmpls: cool troll's a pimp now

Wendy: "What the hell is that?" – What we've all been thinking

callmetreebeard: Lol you don't think this could be russian

Bomberella: The Cold War was strong with this one

callmetreebeard: this cop is handling this half-naked man well.

callmetreebeard: oh just kidding

callmetreebeard: gun is out

callmetreebeard: this feels normal now

Bomberella: Cop is blinking A LOT

callmetreebeard: This is one bizarre cop

Bomb_Voyage: Nobody has asked the obvious question: "Why are you only wearing underpants and suspenders? That's not even a thing!"

Bomberella: That troll could not be more conspicuous

Bomb_Voyage: Okay I lied. Of course it's a thing. https://www.google.com/sear…

Bomberella: It has shoulder pads

Bomberella: Because 80s

Bomb_Voyage: They even sell underpants with suspenders. [image]

callmetreebeard: @Bomb_Voyage Duuuhhhhh……

Bomberella: You had to post that.

callmetreebeard: Completely necessary.

Bomb_Voyage: I'm at a loss for why you'd want to wear those.

Bomberella: Is the Pawn Shop guy a young Jim Carrey?

Bomb_Voyage: At least in He-Man's case, I totally get why you'd want armored underpants, even if that's all you're going to wear.

callmetreebeard: @Bomb_Voyage my friend wore something similar at a gay pride parade.

Bomberella: That seems like the venue for them.

Bomberella: Now Teela is teaching Kevin how to play the synthesizer.

Bomberella: Good use of time.

Bomb_Voyage: Don't you think He-Man feels weird about his name?

callmetreebeard: I don't he-man really… thinks?

Wendy: His real friends call him Adam, of course.

callmetreebeard: @Wendy 😛

Bomb_Voyage: Oh right.

Bomberella: Why isn't She-Ra's real name Eve?

callmetreebeard: holy shit he is pointing a gun at a cop

callmetreebeard: 850 years is very specific

Bomberella: And she's pointing a …hairbrush?

Wendy: It took me a second to think of She-Ra's civilian name. Is it Adora?

Bomb_Voyage: He shoots the key.

Bomb_Voyage: Gotta be.

callmetreebeard: is that her dead mother?

Wendy: Kevin is so sweaty, almost He-Man shiny

Bomberella: @callmetreebeard, he can do the math on all those counts in his head.

Bomb_Voyage: Why do people in movies always believe their dead parents are actually really showing up?

Bomberella: And @Wendy, yes, it's Adora

callmetreebeard: @Bomberella that's how he got his promotions

Bomberella: I think people want that to be true.

callmetreebeard: wtf is happening

Bomb_Voyage: Yeah, but if my dead parent showed up, I'd just be like "whoa, WTF hallucination. That can't be real."

callmetreebeard: actually this is kind of fucked up

Bomberella: "I didn't get to be a lieutenant for no reason. Now let me push those buttons!"

Bomberella: Yeah, this is pretty messed up.

callmetreebeard: @Bomb_Voyage same. I'd probably think I accidentally took acid and sit down.

callmetreebeard: @Bomberella totally messed up. What a mental mind fuck tho

Bomb_Voyage: Stupid Julie.

Wendy: It's crossing the line to pose as someone's dead mother to get the universe key.

callmetreebeard: OH SHIT.

callmetreebeard: Evil-lyn is legit

Bomb_Voyage: I think it's fair play, but actually falling for it is stupid.

callmetreebeard: she's seventeen tho, right?

Bomberella: Julie just added ten years to her therapy.

Bomberella: Is she only 17?

callmetreebeard: @Bomberella ahahha. That's awful. but so funny

Wendy: "I've been duped!"

Bomb_Voyage: "What a surprise that it wasn't really my dead mother!"

Bomb_Voyage: "Who would have guessed!"

callmetreebeard: this cop cannot do anything without a gun

callmetreebeard: he is obsessed

Bomb_Voyage: This cop cannot do anything.

Bomberella: "That woman posed as my mom and took the key because I stupidly gave it to her!"

Bomberella: I've learned that people who carry guns all the time often feel naked without them.

Wendy: Naked … with suspenders?

Bomberella: If by suspenders you mean holster, yes.

Bomb_Voyage: I like the description of Evil-Lyn on Wikipedia:

She is vastly more intelligent than Skeletor's other minions

callmetreebeard: @Bomberella real life tho. I have some family members who are that way with guns. It's bizarre to me

Bomb_Voyage: https://en.wikipedia.org/wi…

Bomberella: To be fair, though, Cop'd get in big trouble if he lost his gun.

callmetreebeard: You guys, He-Man is such a nice guy

callmetreebeard: Aside from the mullet, I think he is pretty much perfect

Bomb_Voyage: Someone should tell Skeletor that all the money he spends on goons is pretty much a waste.

Bomberella: @callmetreebeard I know, right?

Bomberella: It's the hoverboards from Back to the Future II!

callmetreebeard: And everyone has got their faults? I could move past it haha

Bomberella: Wait, is Skeletor riding an airboat?

Wendy: Shit just got real(er)

callmetreebeard: a tank airboat?

callmetreebeard: I am always confused when space people use roman military terms like centurions

Bomberella: [image]

Bomberella: They totes just covered it with grey paper

Bomberella: And used a space heater instead of the fan

callmetreebeard: Wtf is that hoverboard he is on

callmetreebeard: He-Man don't give a fuck about earth physics

Bomb_Voyage: It's helpful that, like GI Joe, the good guys use blue lasers and the bag guys use red lasers.

Bomb_Voyage: These were the original pod racers.

callmetreebeard: dude did that police officer ever call for backup?

callmetreebeard: he really sucks at his gig

callmetreebeard: NO HE-MAN! Not your perfect muscles!

Bomb_Voyage: The cop is making out with his borrowed shotgun.

Bomberella: @Bomb_Voyage and Star Wars lightsabers

Wendy: Where are all the townspeople right now?

Bomb_Voyage: They didn't have a budget for extras.

Wendy: At the dance?

Bomberella: Sleeping, Wendy. It's after 10

Wendy: Curfew.

callmetreebeard: wtf is this troll saying. Making up words like pretons

Bomberella: Also, it's the town from Footloose, so no dancing.

Bomberella: Which made prom awkward.

Wendy: @Bomberella Kevin's band was really only there for background noise.

callmetreebeard: I actually think skeletor is legit

callmetreebeard: The actor anyways

Bomberella: Frank Langella is no joke.

callmetreebeard: I am googling

Bomb_Voyage: @Wendy I'm still holding out for a celebratory final scene featuring the Illusions.

Bomberella: He's a method actor, so he spent time hanging around the morgue in prep for the role

Bomberella: Actually, an earlier link I posted was an interview of him saying Skeletor was his most fun role.

callmetreebeard: That's cool.

Bomberella: Sword of Power!

callmetreebeard: "primitive and tasteless" Skeletor was spot on about the 80's

Bomberella: This is what bothers me: up to this point, the women have been pretty involved and kicking ass. But now Julie's crumpled on the ground, Evil-Lyn just stares, and Teela hasn't done or said anything except "He-Man, No!"

Wendy: We've decided to start saying that to each other in the morning when we leave for work. "Good journey, Husband."

callmetreebeard: @Wendy that's good. Yes

Bomberella: @Wendy, please do that. Please.

callmetreebeard: virtual thumbs up over here

Bomb_Voyage: Oh but we definitely passed the Bechdel Test when Julie talked to Evil-Lyn pretending to be her mom.

Bomb_Voyage: @Wendy Make sure you do the hand thing.

callmetreebeard: @Bomb_Voyage AHAHA

callmetreebeard: That's awful

Bomberella: That is a sad way to pass

Bomb_Voyage: Wait their lasers are poisoned?

callmetreebeard: oh dude, that's a legit wound

Bomb_Voyage: Or did Julie get injured by something else while I was looking away?

callmetreebeard: @Bomb_Voyage it was while you were googling suspenders and underwear 😛

Wendy: Oh, I thought she was just being a big baby. Whoops.

Bomberella: Me too

Bomberella: My friend Carl and I were talking about who would be better as Skeletor: he said Jeremy Irons or Alan Rickman; I said Willem Defoe. Or John Waters. Thoughts?

Bomb_Voyage: Oh, it's obviously the He-Man theme song.

callmetreebeard: oh man, good thing he's got perfect pitch.

Bomberella: "It had a good hook, I was going to use it in one of my songs."

Wendy: Thank god there's a legit musician around. This is better than Andi saving the Goonies on the bone piano.

callmetreebeard: wait…. is this the time we are going to give this kid his dream of playing music?

Bomb_Voyage: This is like an hour and twenty minutes late, but … https://youtu.be/IiUrTHYVLP8

callmetreebeard: also that was way too yoda like

Bomberella: @Wendy, so true. I want to watch Goonies for this. But I also don't want to ruin it.

Bomb_Voyage: @Wendy "If you don't hit the right note, we'll all B flat!"

Bomb_Voyage: @Bomberella I think I have the Goonies memorized.

Bomb_Voyage: No I definitely do.

callmetreebeard: he-man with less clothes! Noice.

Bomberella: Again, Kevin WAY more concerned with getting a keyboard than his girlfriend's health

callmetreebeard: @Bomberella but the power of his music will save her!

Bomb_Voyage: Like it even makes a difference. Don't you feel vulnerable without your suspenders, He-Man!

Wendy: @Bomberella @Bomb_Voyage GOONIES IS FLAWLESS

Bomberella: Wait, why is the sorceress aging? How did I miss that?

callmetreebeard: Skeletor could be a legit badass evil villian though

Bomb_Voyage: @Wendy Pretty much. Except for the octopus line at the end.

callmetreebeard: @Bomberella she is stuck in a force field that weakens her

Bomberella: Ah. Thank you.

Bomberella: @Bomb_Voyage: the Octopus is a deleted scene!

Bomberella: We've been over this.

callmetreebeard: Dude. He-Man had to pump iron before every scene was shot

Bomb_Voyage: @Bomberella I know, but they left in the reference at the end, which is a flaw, however minor.

Bomberella: @callmetreebeard: and get oiled up.

Bomberella: They went through so much Vaseline for this movie.

Wendy: @callmetreebeard @Bomberella And have soot strategically strewn all over his face and torso

Bomb_Voyage: Or baby oil, maybe?

callmetreebeard: plus his stance?

callmetreebeard: "Don't whip me… but do it" that's what I got out of that scene

Bomberella: On second thought, that pink Chevy was a bit too conspicuous.

Bomberella: "Men who crave power look back over the mistakes of their lives, pile them all together and call it destiny." – The Sorceress

Bomberella: I want that on a pillow

Wendy: That is pretty deep.

callmetreebeard: @Bomberella http://www.zazzle.com/make_…

Bomberella: Again with the pretons, Troll? Stop trying to make that a thing.

Bomb_Voyage: That's pretty good, actually.

callmetreebeard: @Bomberella pretons are SOO fetch

Bomberella: It's off the fresh, now.

Bomb_Voyage: I say again, Eternia looks like a shithole.

Bomberella: Fetch is so yesterday

Bomberella: You guys! The actor who plays the troll's name is Billy Barty! He played the Midget in Foul Play! That is such a great movie.

Bomb_Voyage: Also in Willow.

Bomb_Voyage: He-Man seems to control his power over the universe with a bit more panache than Skeletor.

Bomberella: And Legend

Bomberella: Yeah, Skeletor, sheesh. Act like you've been there before.

callmetreebeard: @Bomberella [image]

Wendy: He-Man's face right now. I can't.

Bomberella: @callmetreebeard, that's pretty sweet

Wendy: @callmetreebeard FTW

Bomberella: So they really did rip off Goonies. They have to play a chord to pass

callmetreedbeard: Not stitched. But it'll do

Bomberella: Skeletor's crown seems really topheavy

Wendy: "Become a god. Get a cool hat." – Shaun

Bomb_Voyage: He-Man seems really shocked that Skeletor lied to him.

callmetreedbeard: @Wendy so he is kind of like the pope?

Bomberella: Also, I would like to volunteer to be the make-up artist who strategically places fake blood on He-Man.

Wendy: @callmetreedbeard basically the same, yup

Bomberella: I'm sorry I misspelled your name earlier, Shaun.

callmetreedbeard: @Bomberella you selfless soul

Wendy: Even our 9-year-old niece misspelled it on a postcard from camp. NBD.

callmetreedbeard: I think He-Man fights better without suspenders

Bomberella: I know! Usually I'm so careful. I knew it wasn't Sean, though. So that's something, right?

callmetreedbeard: It gives him that necessary edge

Bomberella: The suspenders are too restrictive.

Wendy: @Bomberella Totally.

callmetreedbeard: He needs to feel the risk

Bomb_Voyage: Grace Jones discovered Dolph Lundgren and they dated for a while, which basically means the two hardest hardbodies in history were getting busy for a while. And in those moments, all was right with the world.

Bomberella: They would have made such interesting-looking children, though.

Bomb_Voyage: He-Man may have been the first person to punctuate his sentences with periods.

Bomb_Voyage: I. Have. The. Power!

callmetreedbeard: @Bomb_Voyage https://youtu.be/oPkZ8RopwZI

Bomb_Voyage: @Bomberella Their children would have won bodybuilding contests on day 1.

Wendy: YAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Wendy: "I HAVE THE POWER!"

Bomb_Voyage: @callmetreedbeard I love that commercial.

callmetreedbeard: He-Man and Skeletor going ham

Bomberella: I just tried to do an "If they Mated" with Dolph Lundgren and Grace Jones and broke my computer.

Bomberella: Actually, what came up was Chuck Norris.

callmetreedbeard: evil characters are always going down endless pits

Bomb_Voyage: @Bomberella LOL

Bomberella: Which is weird, since there aren't that many endless pits around. Or maybe that's what the media calls "sinkholes."

callmetreedbeard: "victory."

Bomb_Voyage: Wait, how does the cop have a beautiful woman already?

Bomberella: Because power.

callmetreedbeard: wtf cop!

Wendy: Will he still get his pension in Eternia?

Bomberella: "Julie, you don't have parents, but here's a weird ball thing that glows. And someday I'll play your mom on TV."

Wendy: Thanks for the jewelery, Ma Gellar.

Wendy: THAT is on my pillow.

Bomberella: @Wendy, I dunno. Is he actually retired or did he take a new cop job?

callmetreedbeard: wait did he just offer to make sure her parents would be alive or something?

Wendy: @Bomberella Eternia PD

callmetreedbeard: just casually like that?

Wendy: @callmetreedbeard shrug. nbd.

callmetreedbeard: Apparently. Wtf

callmetreedbeard: OH COME ON JULIE

callmetreedbeard: I hate her

Bomberella: I love He-Man's casual stance in every shot.

Bomberella: Always one leg out, one hip higher than the other.

Bomberella: Julie, that is one sweet nightgown.

callmetreedbeard: teenage girls in the 80's were weird

Bomberella: Hey now.

Wendy: Careful. That might be Evil-Lyn.

Bomberella: Oh wait, I wasn't a teen in the 80s.

Bomb_Voyage: She looks in no way like a teenage girl.

Bomberella: Carry on.

Bomberella: "I love you, so I'm throwing away the keys to your Cesna."

callmetreedbeard: What was so cool about eternia again?

callmetreedbeard: Well. I am glad we closed with He-Mans bod. Good ending

Wendy: Kevin + Julie 4-eva

Bomberella: It's like the scene at the end of Neverending story when everything is contained in a grain of sand.

Bomberella: This really is a remix of the Star Wars theme.

Wendy: I just said that – it totally is!

Wendy: There was a character named Pig Boy!!!!!!!!!!

Bomberella: What? Was he Pawn Shop guy?

callmetreedbeard: I had fun you guys! Thanks for letting me join

Bomberella: OMG OMG! Netflix just recommended Popeye! That's on Streaming!

Bomberella: My dreams have come true!

Bomberella: Thanks for joining us, @callmetreedbeard!

Wendy: [image]

callmetreedbeard: I am not sure yet if I can make next week, but I will do my best.

Bomb_Voyage: So how would you all rate this?

Bomb_Voyage: Overall, totally loved it, but I'm really disappointed in the Earth thing.

Bomberella: I would give it at least 4 stars.

Wendy: Thanks, everyone – this was a blast! (Even if Husband just said – "Honey … that was 1:45 of our life …")

Bomb_Voyage: Such a lazy plot.

Bomberella: It was fun to have you here, @Wendy!

callmetreedbeard: It was pretty lazy as a rule it appears

Bomberella: Please join us again.

callmetreedbeard: darth vader storm troopers? come on

Bomberella: I didn't mind the recycling.

Bomberella: That's part of what makes it good-bad.

callmetreedbeard: @wendy come again!

callmetreedbeard: If I rated it solely on He-Man's body… 5/5

Bomb_Voyage: Wait, there's a Joker/Ahnold moment at the end!

Wendy: I'm just going to leave this here … https://www.youtube.com/wat…

Bomb_Voyage: Thanks for joining us, everyone!

Bomberella: I'm solidly 4/5. Maybe even 4.5.

callmetreedbeard: @wendy that's the only time I've heard of he-man before this

callmetreedbeard: @wendy actually, no. It was this video https://www.youtube.com/wat…

Wendy: I haven't watched this in awhile and I'm dying all over again

Wendy: Hey Stud
Lol J/K

Bomberella: That video.

callmetreedbeard: OMG DO I TRY!

Bomberella: Yikes.

callmetreedbeard: So yeah, that's all I knew about he-man before this movie

Bomb_Voyage: So funny.

Bomb_Voyage: Okay, everybody come back next week!

Bomberella: Thanks for joining us, everyone. Please come again! Next Tuesday we may have to watch Popeye. It's a MUSICAL starring Robin Williams (RIP) in his first movie and he's so unintelligible they had to re-record his lines and you still can't understand what he's saying.