To round out our month of shark movies, we’re watching the sequel to the movie that started it all (or, at least, started the month off): Sharknado 2: The Second One. It’s even more star-studded than the first: Tara Reid and Ian Ziering are back as April and Fin, but they’re joined by Vivica A. Fox, Judd Hirsch, Downtown Julie Brown, Andy Dick, Billy Ray Cyrus, and Mark McGrath? Yes, Sugar Ray is in this. According to IMDB, “A freak weather system turns its deadly fury on New York City, unleashing a Sharknado on the population and its most cherished, iconic sites – and only Fin and April can save the Big Apple.” Because, you know, sharknado season is upon us. We can’t wait to see how they got Fin and April to New York–a tiger shark tsunami? Surfing a wave of Selachimorpha? A squall of Squalus carcharias? (Those are scientific names of sharks, in case you didn’t catch that. Yes, we’re nerds.) Please join in the commentary!
Showtime is tonight, 9pm Central. Make yourself a cocktail, find a comfy spot on the couch, tune in to Sharknado2: The Second One on Netflix, and pull up the livechat starting at 9pm CDT.
Tonight’s Host Bloggers
Bomb Voyage and Bomberella as The Bomb Squad: Dismantling bad movies one live-chat at a time.
Bomb_Voyage: What's the over-under on Ian Ziering getting eaten by a shark and then cutting his way out with a chainsaw again?
Bomb_Voyage: Just realized I don't actually know what "over-under" means.
Bomb_Voyage: Wikipedia to the rescue! https://en.wikipedia.org/wi…
Bomb_Voyage: tl;dr: I don't think I used it correctly.
Bomberella: I don't understand it, but I would put it at 1,000 to 1 that he does. Because trailer.
Bomb_Voyage: I'm so ready to argue about sharkclones again.
Bomberella: Me too!
Bomberella: Okay everyone, PUSH PLAY!
Bomberella: I love the title, btw.
Bomberella: Wait, we're on an airplane…is this going to be Sharks on a Plane?
Bomb_Voyage: I love how airplanes in movies look absolutely nothing like any airplane I've ever been in.
Bomberella: You mean, like how they have headroom?
Bomb_Voyage: Hey that's Kelly Osbourne isn't it?
Bomberella: And comfy-ish seats?
Bomberella: Yep, Kelly Osbourne. First new celeb.
Bomberella: We should drink each time they add a new b-lister.
Bomberella: C-lister? D? Whatever level Tara and Ian are on now.
Bomberella: So, wait, they live in NYC now?
Bomb_Voyage: Okay, if I were ever in a sharknado, I would absolutely write a book called _How to Survive a Sharknado."
Bomberella: And we're copying the Twilight Zone/Bridesmaids I saw something weird from the window of a plane bit?
Bomb_Voyage: Tara Reid and Ian Ziering have zero chemistry.
Bomberella: They're just really bad actors.
Bomb_Voyage: And that.
Bomberella: I love Ian's (I mean Fin's) shark tooth necklace.
Bomb_Voyage: Oh right. Fin.
Bomb_Voyage: So he's really bothered by the mere mention of his past, but he's still wearing the shark tooth.
Bomb_Voyage: Makes sense.
Bomb_Voyage: Maybe it's a sharkunderstorm.
Bomb_Voyage: Airplane reference!
Bomb_Voyage: Never have the fish.
Bomberella: Robert Hays from Airplane!
Bomb_Voyage: "A little bit of turbulence … and sharks!"
Bomberella: Fin's in a sharknundrum. "How do I convince them we're in a sharklone without sounding crazy, despite the fact that my wife wrote the book on that?"
Bomb_Voyage: Kelly Osbourne: also a terrible actor.
Bomberella: No one is in this movie because they're a good actor.
Bomb_Voyage: Cloudy with a chance of sharks.
Bomberella: Partly sharky.
Bomb_Voyage: Was that Jenny McCarthy?
Bomb_Voyage: She probably skipped the shark vaccination.
Bomberella: I missed it, but probably.
Bomberella: You mean, sharkcination.
Bomberella: Whoa, Kelly Osbourne bit it.
Bomberella: I mean, the shark bit her.
Bomb_Voyage: Wil Wheaton and his wife.
Bomberella: I'm not a scientist, but I can't imagine this airplane would still be airborne after this. And people's ears wouldn't have popped.
Bomberella: Everyone would have passed out by now.
Bomberella: And not just from the terrible acting.
Bomb_Voyage: Seriously, how are the sharks so okay with being airborne that they're just going to eat everything that comes in their way?
Bomberella: They can't breathe without water
Bomb_Voyage: What was the woman in the bathroom doing?
Bomberella: It seemed rather erotic.
Bomberella: Sharkrotica is going to be the next thing.
Bomb_Voyage: Wil Wheaton got eaton.
Bomberella: I mean, there's already dinosaur porn.
Bomberella: And that was definitely not Wil Wheaton.
Bomb_Voyage: That definitely was.
Bomb_Voyage: And his wife.
Bomberella: If this all ends up being a dream sequence I'm going to be pissed.
Bomb_Voyage: Yes! Tara Reid's hand got eaten.
Bomberella: Also, I stand corrected.
Bomb_Voyage: How does Fin have any idea how to land a plane?
Bomb_Voyage: Or Finn. Whatever.
Bomb_Voyage: Surfing and bartending has taught him everything.
Bomberella: Because he can do anything. Wield a chainsaw, own a bar, get his wife back, land a plane.
Bomberella: The guy who wrote this is named "Thunder." Yes.
Bomberella: I'm kind of digging this theme song. Not gonna lie.
Bomb_Voyage: Love the theme song.
Bomberella: The naked cowboy is even in it!
Bomberella: Mark McGrath!
Bomberella: Another bad actor!
Bomb_Voyage: Mark McGrath doesn't count as an actor.
Bomberella: Does Matt Lauer?
Bomberella: Andy Dick?
Bomb_Voyage: Sure. Comedians get grandfathered in.
Bomberella: Sooooo the Sharknado series is just a way for us to see "Where are the now?" for people we knew and kind of tolerated from the 90s.
Bomb_Voyage: Pretty much.
Bomberella: The sad thing is April Wexler lost that beautiful diamond.
Bomb_Voyage: Is that a Spice Girl?
Bomberella: April is Tara's character's name.
Bomb_Voyage: I'm totally shocked that Andy Dick didn't immediately jump to round up fire bombs to throw in the sharknados.
Bomberella: I'm shocked that he didn't push his hat forward more so he didn't look like so much of a tool.
Bomb_Voyage: No, the nurse in the hospital was Scary Spice.
Bomb_Voyage: Do you think Tara Reid survives this movie?
Bomberella: No, the nurse in the hospital was Downtown Julie Brown, a former MTV VJ.
Bomb_Voyage: Oh, you're right!
Bomb_Voyage: Good call.
Bomberella: Not only does Tara Reid survive the movie, but Ian Ziering finds the shark that took her hand and gets it back. And/or turns the shark into a clock.
Bomb_Voyage: Ellen is like my wife. She never looks at her phone even when it's in her pocket.
Bomberella: I don't look at my phone all that much.
Bomberella: But I don't have a smartphone and not many people try to contact me.
Bomberella: TBH, I get annoyed when I'm with someone who constantly checks his/her phone.
Bomb_Voyage: Agreed, but it's okay to look at it when it rings. Sometime that day, at least.
Bomberella: Yeah, that's different.
Bomberella: "Weather you've never seen before…unless you're Fin."
Bomberella: Judd Hirsch!
Bomb_Voyage: Al Roker knows all about sharknados.
Bomberella: Shark flurries!
Bomb_Voyage: This is a "safe" movie, isn't it? No matter who you are, you can be in this movie and nobody will hold it against you.
Bomberella: I think so.
Bomb_Voyage: Oh you already said that.
Bomberella: I do love the subtle jokes.
Bomb_Voyage: I think I'm a minute or so behind you.
Bomberella: Vivica A. Fox! And I think that's the hat guy with the long hair from 30 Rock!
Bomb_Voyage: Ooh ooh ooh. Someone hits a fly ball and a shark grabs it out of the air.
Bomberella: Oh I hope so!
Bomberella: I am kind of hoping Mark McGrath starts singing. "Fly." Or "Every Morning."
Bomberella: Richard Kind!
Bomb_Voyage: I probably wouldn't get on a ferry when there's a giant shark storm brewing.
Bomb_Voyage: Seems risky.
Bomberella: Yeah, although nothing's safe from a sharklone.
Bomberella: Judah Friedlander, that's his name.
Bomberella: And Jared from Subway is in this.
Bomb_Voyage: Jared the child porn guy, now.
Bomberella: Obviously, this came out before his kiddie porn issue.
Bomb_Voyage: "If anyone's playing me in a movie, it's going to be me."
Bomb_Voyage: So confusing.
Bomb_Voyage: That doctor is Billy Ray Cyrus.
Bomberella: He looks terrible.
Bomberella: Which, I guess, he's not alone on.
Bomberella: Oh gross. We're supposed to believe that Ian is some Everyman that every woman wants?
Bomberella: So Vivica A. Fox hasn't seen him in, like, 20 years, but she's pining after him? Puke.
Bomb_Voyage: Why does Ian Ziering keep saying Tara Reid is going to be okay when she's missing a hand?
Bomberella: I doubt people would be screaming that much.
Bomb_Voyage: How is Ian Ziering not just yelling "I TOLD YOU SO" in everyone's face?
Bomberella: Because she has Dragon dictation software to write her next crappy book.
Bomberella: Because he's too cool for that.
Bomberella: He's too busy saving New York.
Bomberella: "If Mom made a plan, she'd stick to it AND not check her phone in case something came up on our end."
Bomb_Voyage: If there's anything I know it's that wives don't check their phones.
Bomb_Voyage: Even in emergencies.
Bomberella: Based on one wife. Hardly good data.
Bomberella: That did not look like a shark bite to the face.
Bomb_Voyage: It looked icky, though.
Bomb_Voyage: "Let's just leave her there."
Bomb_Voyage: "Yeah totally."
Bomberella: I forgot we don't care about science in this movie.
Bomb_Voyage: Is that the Edge?
Bomb_Voyage: That would be random as hell.
Bomberella: I don't think so.
Bomberella: Wait, do you mean the sewer gator?
Bomberella: Cuz that would so be the Edge.
Bomberella: Oh, that cliché of the horndog whose best friend marries his sister, thus ruining the relationship for years only to reconcile later during the course of an unrelated crisis.
Bomb_Voyage: Nope, not the edge.
Bomberella: "I mean, it's okay for me to treat women who aren't my sister like crap, but that's my sister."
Bomberella: These sharks do well in water after having not been in water for long periods of time.
Bomb_Voyage: Oh it was the director.
Bomberella: The director obviously doesn't understand how subways work and the third rail and whatnot.
Bomb_Voyage: I like how they all just run away from anyone who gets bitten by a shark.
Bomberella: Everyone except Fin.
Bomberella: "Oh this baby shark? I didn't even feel that."
Bomb_Voyage: Maybe he gets his hand eaten, too.
Bomberella: How could he chainsaw, then? How could he provide?
Bomberella: "I knew if anyone was going to get out of that pickle in the ballpark, it'd be you. And then I estimated exactly where the subway would stop with the train full of sharks, calculated windspeed…and came to this corner."
Bomberella: Yesssssssssssssss chainsaw!
Bomb_Voyage: I really want to quibble with the basic premise of this movie that it's somehow possible for waterspouts to suck up a lot of aggressive sharks and …
Bomb_Voyage: You know what. Nevermind.
Bomberella: "I need all the same things I needed in the last movie but found along the way, so I'll propel the plot to the point where we already are jumping into sharks with chainsaws and throwing bombs into the sharklone."
Bomberella: Also, Lady Liberty just killed someone. Ouch!
Bomb_Voyage: Here's what I'm confident I would not do in a crisis: stand around freaking out instead of running away from danger.
Bomberella: Yeah, it doesn't seem that difficult to get away from a sharklone.
Bomberella: But, then again, it does.
Bomberella: I'm actually kind of surprised Samuel L. Jackson isn't in this movie.
Bomb_Voyage: Fair point.
Bomb_Voyage: But you know what, the man has standards.
Bomb_Voyage: Or they didn't even ask.
Bomberella: So true, @Bomb_Voyage. So true.
Bomberella: Lady Liberty's head is almost as destructive as the sharkicane.
Bomberella: I wonder how Los Angeles feels about this movie and all the references to how New York is better/more at risk.
Bomberella: "This is a twister with teeth. Enough said." -Al Roker
Bomb_Voyage: The Asylum: we never let plausibility get in the way of a mediocre plot.
Bomberella: …and bad acting.
I'm going to teach you how to improvise."
Bomberella: "It's your greatest mobile foe, don't want to get eaten by a sharknado." Yes. This song is amazing.
Bomberella: Fun fact: Sharknado 2 was a union movie.
Bomb_Voyage: Biz Markie!
Bomberella: They had issues with Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! and the crew went on strike.
Bomberella: But don't worry, there's a Sharknado 4 slated to be made.
Bomberella: Because. We like junk.
Bomberella: I hope Sharknado 3 is in Chicago and Sharknado 4 is set in, like, Tuscon.
Bomb_Voyage: Hey, this just took a turn for the medieval.
Bomb_Voyage: It's like our dragon theme is merging with our shark theme.
Bomberella: Whoa. That's kind of awesome.
Bomberella: Also, I still don't understand why they just can't go to the basement.
Bomb_Voyage: Because it's not dangerous enough.
Bomb_Voyage: If people did sensible, low-risk things, we wouldn't have a movie?
Bomberella: "These sharks going to be coming down at 2 inches per hour." What?
Bomb_Voyage: What does that even mean?
Bomberella: That seems like a slow dropping shark, if you figure they're all at least 72 inches long.
Bomberella: No idea.
Bomberella: That's also a lot more than 2 inches of water on the ground.
Bomb_Voyage: Here's an idea: roll up the windows.
Bomberella: He just draped the rope over the pole. That does nothing.
Bomberella: It's not anchored to anything.
Bomberella: That is the stupidest.
Bomb_Voyage: It's an Elvish rope that ties itself.
Bomb_Voyage: I have to say, I'm enjoying this one more than the first one.
Bomberella: Man, Vivica A. Fox is just kissing everyone.
Bomberella: I'm enjoying this one more as well, but I think that's because Judd Hirsch
Bomb_Voyage: Definitely Judd Hirsch.
Bomberella: And now he's dead. Sigh.
Bomb_Voyage: I want to start a Taxi marathon now.
Bomberella: Fin just walked on sharks to get to them and Mark McG just told him he "jumped the shark."
Bomberella: Oh barf.
Bomb_Voyage: From what I can tell, Tara Reid is the only person who has been injured in these two movies so far. Everyone else has died instantly.
Bomb_Voyage: Sharks: deadlier than guns.
Bomb_Voyage: Sharks: deadlier than TNT.
Bomberella: I'm guessing that woman who was inside the shark suffered some injuries.
Bomberella: In reality these shark movies perpetuate warped (and very incorrect) ideas about sharks.
Bomberella: People kill millions of sharks each year for their fins. No joke intended.
Bomb_Voyage: Yes. They are an injustice to sharks everywhere.
Bomberella: This has been one of the deadliest years for people, with the most shark attacks recorded in a long time, and we're in the tens. Tens.
Bomberella: I'll get off my soapbox now.
Bomberella: I love that they were just riding bicycles.
Bomb_Voyage: I think VAF just said something lovey-dovey to IZ, but I totally missed it.
Bomberella: That would probably be my last mode of transportation in a sharknado.
Bomb_Voyage: Jess: "So it's a tornado with sharks in it."
Bomb_Voyage: Nothing gets by my wife!
Bomberella: VAF told IZ that she was in love with him long ago, which is causing him to question his tenuous relationship with TR, complicated further by the fact she's a terrible writer who is now missing a hand.
Bomberella: Has Jess not heard of the Sharknado series?
Bomb_Voyage: Apparently not. Somehow.
Bomb_Voyage: So Yolobus (the name on that bag) turns up this: http://www.yolobus.com/
Bomberella: OMG there's a Yolo county!
Bomb_Voyage: Everyone there only lives once.
Bomberella: I hope a bunch of 20-somethings have moved there to start doing crazy things.
Bomb_Voyage: With popped collars.
Bomberella: I hope everyone lives there only once. Like it's a rite of passage.
Bomberella: VAF is a badass.
Bomb_Voyage: "People are panicked because of the sharks that keep raining down from the sky."
Bomb_Voyage: Um, yeah.
Bomberella: I love that they keep checking in with the weathermen.
Bomberella: "Even the sharknadoes are tougher in New York." Yep.
Bomb_Voyage: Wow, it's weird that these tiny little camp stove propane tanks aren't dispersing these massive sharknados.
Bomberella: VAF needs to stop pining after IZ and move on. She lives in New York! There are tons of guys there. Seriously, get over the guy from high school.
Bomb_Voyage: I'm pretty unclear on how the sharknado rode down the elevator.
Bomberella: I'm pretty unclear how Ian Ziering ever got an acting gig.
Bomb_Voyage: They've just given up on any pretense at plausibility at this point.
Bomb_Voyage: Now it's a sharkfirenado.
Bomberella: "Okay, we've hoodwinked the American public, so don't worry about acting skills or believability, or continuity. Just, you know, do whatever."
Bomberella: Even the CGI guys gave up on this movie.
Bomb_Voyage: Sharknado: Now It's Annoying
Bomberella: These sharks look like the gummy candies.
Bomberella: Oh good, Tara Reid is back. With the FDNY.
Bomberella: Do you think Al Roker and Matt Lauer kind of hated themselves a little for making this?
Bomb_Voyage: Nothing fights sharks like a firehose.
Bomb_Voyage: Matt Lauer did not want to actually say "sharknado."
Bomb_Voyage: He's now playing the part of the disgusted viewer.
Bomberella: Yeah, Matt Lauer is definitely the voice of reason in this.
Bomberella: "This is the Big Apple, Fin. When something bites us, we bite back."
Bomberella: "April, you can't help me up there. Especially since you lost a hand and I'm re-thinking our relationship."
Bomberella: Fin: Good brother, good husband, good bro, good ex-boyfriend. Terrible at avoiding sharknadoes.
Bomberella: The worst.
Bomberella: Literally, no one has encountered more sharknadoes.
Bomberella: Except April.
Bomberella: I love New York, but this movie wants to have five thousand of New York's babies.
Bomb_Voyage: Yes it does.
Bomb_Voyage: "I'm scared too. They're sharks. They're scary."
Bomberella: I'm so confused (I know, I know) as to how Fin just cut a shark in half over his head and didn't get ANY BLOOD ON HIMSELF
Bomb_Voyage: Yep, now I'm annoyed with this movie.
Bomberella: Tara Reid's circular saw hand is kind of cool. But she's still annoying. So.
Bomberella: Yep. Officially annoyed.
Bomberella: I bet VAF dies saving Fin's life. But not before she tells him, yet again, that she's been in love with him for 20 years.
Bomb_Voyage: Almost certainly.
Bomb_Voyage: She probably dies in a freon fire.
Bomb_Voyage: If freon burns.
Bomberella: Nope, bit in half by a shark from the Sharknado. But IZ, who has encountered 10,000 sharks, has escaped with nary a scratch. Again.
Bomb_Voyage: That was very Back to the Future.
Bomb_Voyage: When you blow up a sharknado, it will actually rain sharks.
Bomberella: Angry mob with shovels they all happen to carry in their cars. Nice touch.
Bomb_Voyage: Wow New Yorkers have some serious armament.
Bomberella: And the sharks will still be alive.
Bomberella: Yes, a man can pitchfork a 300 pound shark and keep it over his head. Totally believable.
Bomb_Voyage: Michael Strahan and Kelly Ripa do not fuck with sharks, however.
Bomberella: Also, suddenly there are LOTS of chainsaws.
Bomb_Voyage: Why is that man throwing chainsaws into the air? That seems dangerous.
Bomberella: These sharks are falling very slowly, considering how heavy they are.
Bomberella: Yes! I called it with the hand.
Bomb_Voyage: Whatever just happened was stupid beyond all stupidity.
Bomberella: It's all stupid beyond stupidity.
Bomb_Voyage: Wait, he found the shark that ate her hand and gave her back her ring?
Bomb_Voyage: So dumb.
Bomb_Voyage: 1 star.
Bomberella: Yep. That shark just happened to land on top of the Empire State Building and he just happened to recognize it.
Bomb_Voyage: All sharks look alike to me.
Bomb_Voyage: Do we have to watch Sharknado 3?
Bomberella: This movie was terrible. They killed off Judd Hirsch! I think that's when they lost me.
Bomberella: No, we do not have to watch Sharknado 3. Also, this brings Shark Month to a close.
Bomberella: I give it 1.5 stars, but only because I appreciated the references to Airplane and "Taxi" and etc.
Bomb_Voyage: Okay, agred.
Bomb_Voyage: 1.5 it is.
Bomberella: Thanks for tuning in, guys! No movie next week (sadface) but we'll be back with another Summer of Monsters movie on August 11, so check back!
Bomberella: And, you can find us on Facebook at Cinéma Atroce, where you can keep up with all our Tuesday night bad movie events!
Bomberella: Like us to follow our upcoming movies!