So you’re a brand new freshly minted baby law student! Congratulations! You likely have a brilliant career of crippling debt and alcohol-fueled regret ahead of you. Good times for sure. In order to ensure your career success, what things have you done thus far your first year? Attended some networking events? Formed a study group? Taped the lectures of that one prof who mumbles a lot? Of course you did not do these things. Those things are for suckers and gunners. No, you’ve ensured your law school success by…putting a cut-and-pasted confidentiality clause in your law school email footer?
This message, and any attachments, are intended only for the lawful and specified use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed and may contain information that is privileged, confidential or exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient or the employee or agent responsible for delivering the message to the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that you are STRICTLY PROHIBITED from disclosing, printing, storing, disseminating, distributing or copying this communication, or admitting to take any action relying thereon, and doing so may be unlawful. It should be noted that any use of this communication outside of the intended and specified use as designated by the sender, may be unlawful. If you have received this in error, please immediately notify us by return e-mail, fax and/or telephone, and destroy this original transmission and its attachments without reading or saving in any manner.
I cannot tell you how many of these I get each year. (Students that embed inspirational sayings in the footer instead, I’m side-eyeing you as well, but I’ll mock you in another post). Every time I see one, I have SO MANY QUESTIONS.
1) What on earth are you emailing that is privileged? Your torts exam is not privileged. You don’t even know what privilege is.
2) “…or the agent responsible for delivering the message to the intended recipient…” Pffft. You won’t cover the law of agency for two more years. You don’t even know what you’re talking about.
3) “…please immediately notify us by return e-mail…” Who on Earth is “us” in this sentence? Is there more than one of you emailing me? Do you have an imaginary friend? Did your imaginary friend write your midterm?
4) I know you are only a 1L, but surely you must have already absorbed the fact that just waving a confidentiality clause around does not magically make something confidential. If you haven’t yet absorbed that, it must be another professor’s fault.
5) Do you use that email signature in all your emails? If so, how hard do your friends and family laugh at you?
I could go on, but I’ve got a mountain of other things to get around to mocking. Like your final. That thing is hilarious.