Previously: No one could stand Trevor, because Trevor. Everywhere else, there was sexual tension! Kate and Ben had kitchen spats! Everyone was drunk and stupid and confrontational in the hot tub! But the drunkest and stupidest and most confrontational was Trevor. Oh, Trevor.
It’s 6 a.m. and everyone is getting up the morning after. Yeowch – they were up and hammered well past 1 a.m. the night before. What are these people made of?
Nico is reconnecting with a friend who he’s maybe into on Skype. He’s using the “I’m talking to her” phrasing, so he’s definitely hedging his bets, but doesn’t seem to be doing so in a creepy way. He’s OK, that Nico.
Kelley works out in his tiny cabin while trying to figure out how to deal with Trevor. It’s never a fun management situation when you literally have to send someone to bed.
At breakfast, Nico explains to Sierra that things got cray last night and Trevor was a douche. Trevor interviews that calling Nico’s tattoo shitty was “completely harmless.” He can’t seem to understand why there’s drama and how he could be involved in it because the rule in his head is that Trevor says whateverthefuck Trevor wants while everyone else is deferential to him and gives him the benefit of every doubt. Trevor then announces that he hates drama, which is when you threw your popcorn bowl at the screen and/or went ahead and collected on your wager, because the hallmark of every clueless drama addict is announcing that s/he hates drama. When people do that in real life, a sash and crown should drop from a ceiling panel so you can have a drama queen coronation right then and there.
Emily cleans the guest cabin where Nico slept and gets filled in on why he did that. Just when you think you can’t love Emily more, she describes Trevor’s energy as “unsettled” and calls him “a bit like a cat on a hot tin roof.” It’s a good thing it’s an infinite multiverse, because a whole new dimension of love for Emily just opened up.
Lauren jokes with Nico about sleeping in the guest quarters and how he didn’t invite her. They’re still getting along really well and juuuust edging up the flirtation by like half a volt each time. I can’t decide whether I want them to get together or just keep their perfect best friends comedy team relationship. Nico recaps the hot tub fight and Lauren agrees that a personal insult was unnecessary. Lauren and Nico agree that they’re the kind of people who are patient, but if they snap, they fucking snap. The editors have been channeling us along pretty well, so I’m assuming that was foreshadowing.
Kate and Emily pull a burned sheet out of the iron.
Sierra has been spoken to about leaving the iron on before. Just on last week’s show, in fact, so that means like a day or two ago in real time. It does look really bad. Kate isn’t mad, but she says that Sierra needs to have iron safety emphasized. I hope that isn’t foreshadowing.
Time to learn about Charter #2! They’ll be hosting some human yachties and Scupper the dog, who will be eating ground red meat and lamb. One of the guests doesn’t eat red meat and does want to do a clambake on the beach. Ben already hates the idea of a clambake. So will we all.
Ohhhh, they’re going to Virgin Gorda. It’s got some of the most incredible snorkeling you can imagine, but apparently the guests are going to be using some kind of netted pool to keep jellyfish and other critters out. Chickenshits.
Emily tells Sierra about the ruined sheet. Sierra really didn’t seem to understand how hot the iron could get and that it might burn things??? She says it’s a bummer.
Ben jokes that lunch will be a nine-course tasting menu for the dog. I understand that Ben is highly trained blah blah, but he is way too pissed about cooking for Scupper. It’s meat. You make it not-raw. Yes, the dog is a tad spoiled, but it’s not that far outside his usual duties. Suck it up and go.
Captain Lee, who apparently knows from Virgin Gorda, wants them to have the clambake early, before the sun goes down and the sand fleas and mosquitoes and stuff come out. This seems like a legit concern for a pleasant beach meal, but it screws up Ben’s day because he knows the guests will want another dinner later and he doesn’t want to cook again later. OK, yes, that’s a little annoying and off your preferred schedule, but boo fucking hoo. If you want things to be on a rigid schedule tailored to your liking, maybe don’t work on a luxury yacht? Ben wants Kate to tell the guests that it’s an “early dinner clambake,” so he won’t have to cook again. Kate has sussed out that if the guests are eating at 4:30 or 5:00 and are not 90 years old, they’re going to want to eat again later that night. She repeatedly says directly to Ben that she’ll just be telling the guests that it’s a clambake.
Kelley pulls Trevor aside and says that Trevor’s behavior the night before is unacceptable. He demotes Trevor, who can no longer introduce himself as Senior Deckhand. That has to be like fire in Trevor’s soul. Kelley also specifically tells Trevor not to give anyone orders, which is smart, because that’s the behavior that is doing the most to make people want to pummel Trevor. Trevor interviews that you can try to demote him, but you can’t “deplete his knowledge of his position” oh god oh god the demotion just bounced right off Trevor’s forehead. Is it all the hair products he was exposed to when he was a hair model? Trevor basically just became one of those people who won’t acknowledge that they’ve been broken up with, only in this case he’ll be stalking his old rank. Kelley says Trevor is gone if he sees anything else. How many more episodes do we think Trevor will last after this one? Like half an episode? And will he get fired, or will Nico and Lauren just wrap the anchor chain around him and toss him over?
Emily and Sierra talk about home. Oh, man. Sierra’s dad died when she was 16. She says everyone’s grief was so intense that it kind of separated their family. Sierra says she’s been searching for something ever since then and thinks she may have found it with yachting. I’m not sure I understand that last bit, but we’ll give her a pass. Emily is cool about Sierra not wanting to talk about it. She’s all right, that Emily. I think Emily is who Trevor thought he would come off as on the show. He has not.
Kelley talks to Captain Lee and lets him know that he has demoted Trevor. Captain Lee approves of the way Kelley is handling the situation. I do think Kelley is doing a good job with this. He always makes sure to discipline Trevor in private, he’s at least once praised Trevor’s experience before telling him what he needs to improve, and he’s been clear and direct about where Trevor is screwing up. Any normal human being would have shaped up by now. That’s the trouble with leadership and communication courses, though: Even if you get really good at it, sometimes the person on the other end is just a dingleberry.
There’s a delivery coming. Amusingly ominous music and danger shots let us know that this will be a tremendous pain in the butt. It’s the weird mesh-sided pool. It is incredibly unwieldy.
The deckhands hate this so much.
Everyone primps for the guests’ arrival. Ben, already peevish, is lingering in the galley and has to hustle.
We meet Scupper! OK, seriously, he seems like a fine dog and all, but this is a weird level of spoiling. Unless you have someone taking him to land at 6:00 in the morning and 11:00 at night and a couple times in between, you’re pretty much guaranteeing that the dog has to go to the bathroom on deck and the crew has to deal with it. That seems like a way bigger deal than cooking Scupper some lamb.
The guests say that they already have their own 55- and 70-foot yachts and they dock near each other. WHY ARE THEY CHARTERING? Kate sees Scupper get gently carried down the stairs by his owner and thinks the dog gets treated better than most kids.
They launch and it goes well. One of the passengers asks if Scupper’s tux could be steamed. Oy.
They pull into Virgin Gorda. The marina is tiny, it’s windy, and the dock may be too small. They’re all really worried. The deckhands scramble, but all seems to go well. The yachties approve and say that Captain Lee knows his stuff.
Everyone gets ready for the clambake and poor Scupper has already puked bright yellow vomit onto the deck. The hell did they feed him? Emily cleans it up with good cheer, explaining that excellent service includes everyone, even Scupper.
Kate sets up the clambake and doubts the existence of bugs on the island. Seriously? Ben and Lauren pull a giant pot into a campfire as Scupper plays on the beach. (It seems like it’s more of a seafood boil than a clambake? With the corn and the lobster? Maybe that’s just me.) Then it’s 5:40, they’re serving dinner – Or IS IT dinner?! – and we see that flies are everywhere and really dive-bombing the guests. Score one for Captain Lee knowing the area.
The guests, assuming that they will also have a dinner after this, ask to push the time back because they’ll be getting hungry later. Ben is mad that he’s going to have to cook again. He says no one listened to him. This isn’t true. Ben didn’t want to cook and Kate accurately guessed that guests who already own their own yachts but have chartered another even larger yacht so that they might be pampered were probably not going to be up for being shorted a meal on the first day. She called the clambake a clambake and not a dinner so that the guests could choose to eat a full meal again or not, which is exactly what she told Ben she would be doing. The problem isn’t a lack of communication, it’s that there’s no clear answer as to whether Kate or Ben can pull rank. But in terms of anticipating the guests’ desires, Kate was in the right. Ben’s just mad that she wouldn’t force them to commit to the early bird special and let them go hungry when 10:00 rolls around. Does he also want her to duct tape them into bed by 9:00?
Remember how Kelley took Trevor aside to bring up issues? Ben has not learned this skill. Ben and Kate squabble right there on the beach, everyone can absolutely tell what’s going on, and it’s making the guests incredibly uncomfortable. Yes, they asked for a clam bake and cooked dog food in advance, but they haven’t been especially pissy or demanding. They shouldn’t be feeling like they’ve put out the chef at this stage of the game.
Later, back on board, Ben crankypantsily preps dog food. He says he’ll talk to the guests because Kate is terrible at it. Kate asks Ben if it’s his first charter. Other than the fact that she should have had a way to give Ben a firm no and locked this argument down earlier, Kate is totally in the right here. They had the seafood boil at 5:30, nobody expects charter guests to go to bed before midnight, and what people do on boats at night is lounge around and eat. Ben is being a total pissbaby. He’s essentially mad at Kate for not deliberately annoying the guests and/or failing to rearrange the universe the way he’d like it to be. He’s worked on charters before. Suck it up and freaking do your job.
Oh, lord. They need more trash bags on the beach, so Trevor radios to Kelley and of course basically gives him an order instead of asking for him to bring some like a human being. Kelley corrects him because they just talked about this and Trevor’s behavior has made it clear that you can’t give him any wiggle room. Trevor launches into a complete snotfit. Lauren tries to reason with him, pointing out that there is a clear and easily avoided aspect to Trevor’s behavior that is causing the problem. She says “All you need to do is say please and thank you.” Trevor lies that he did say please the first time, which we just saw him not do. Trevor interviews that he has way more experience than any of them and should be respected for that. Which he would be if he weren’t such a truckload of douchebaggery. Back on the beach, Trevor bitches that he should be the bosun and Lauren, in vain, tries to explain to him that it is that fixed idea and attitude that is causing a big chunk of his problems. Trevor insists that he’s always doing everything Kelley’s way. The capacity for self-delusion is mind-blowing here. He genuinely feels beleaguered by the idea that he has to talk to his boss in a tone of voice that is appropriate to their relationship and not be a dick to everyone else. In what other job on the planet are those not very basic requirements?
Ben goes up on deck and suggests tapas instead of a full meal to the guests. Kate says Ben is trying to do her job and being a total dick. Well, I don’t know about all that. But he’s not being undickish.
Kate and Ben continue their fight and once again, the guests know that Ben and Kate are fighting because, dear Eris, they have left the door to the galley open, so the guests can hear everything. Kelley suggests to the deckhands that they should make sure Ben and Kate are in a soundproof environment if they’re tearing into each other. This is incredibly unprofessional of both of them. The kitchen is where you go to swear at each other when you work in the service industry, yes, but you make damn sure the door isn’t open.
I hope one of the producers propped it.
This is bad. The guests do seem to be a fairly nice bunch of people and they’re worried about pissing off Ben. Way to make people feel like tucking in.
Ben makes the dog’s dinner with vitamins and brown rice. Scupper is happy and healthy.
And about to go poop on deck.
The deckhands are still putting everything away after the clambake. Lauren suggests one way to go about dealing with all the equipment and Trevor interrupts her to shout out exactly what she was starting to say because of course Trevor is the dude who does that to women. Kelley, to his credit, calls that out and pulls Trevor aside to discipline him for needlessly being a toolbag yet again. How did Trevor ever make it through a yachting season? On how many islands was he abandoned with just a canteen and some hair gel? Has he thought about taking some sort of Discovery Center class about how to get along with people?
Trevor whines about being “undermined” again and Kelley points out that he is Trevor’s fucking boss, so undermining doesn’t apply here. Who taught Trevor that word? Could you not have drilled him on the meaning a few times? Given him a few example sentences? Because Trevor seems to think it means “not acting like Trevor is King Awesomepants of the Universe.”
A guest asks Sierra for a gin and tonic and she asks if he wants alcohol in it. He kindly says yes, that would be the gin part. Heh.
The guests love the tapas with turkey bacon that Ben has oh-so-begrudgingly cooked for them. Ben asks Kate if they like it and Kate says she doesn’t hover to find out because she doesn’t feel like feeding Ben’s ego at this time. Which is petty, but it’s tough to blame her on this one.
Kate comes out with another round of tapas and the guests remark on how angry Ben must have been at her. That’s got to be comfortable. Kate does the best she can in a bad situation and jokes, “How could you tell?” Kate interviews that she’s been too accommodating to Ben. She says Ben is being a toddler and needs to be put in time out and learn a lesson. Ben bitches that Kate has been a nightmare and he’s over it. Again, what Kate did was act in accordance with what she correctly guessed the charter guests would want to do.
Day two! Still on Virgin Gorda! There are some incredible fish and rock formations to see here! The guests will not be doing that!
There’s a lot of drama about launching the boat, but it goes fine. Show, we really only need tension over this if it’s a tight spot or something goes wrong.
The guests say that Scupper never gets seasick. OK, but didn’t we see him puking up bile yesterday? Were we not concerned about that?
Ben sends up eggs Florentine with turkey bacon. The guests are happy. Kate says the only person not happy is you, Ben.
They drop anchor in a new spot. Trevor says he feels ostracized and alienated and he has spotted Kelley as the problem.
Trevor is so obnoxious and so breathtakingly free of any hint of self-awareness that he becomes a philosophical puzzle. All people want is for Trevor to stop being such an asshole. But he seems to be such a congenital asshole that he does not see and cannot be made to understand that he is an asshole. Since there is an element of will in all true assholery, and since Trevor seems to be an asshole every waking moment without even trying, can we truly call him an asshole?
It is a question for the ages.
The crew runs Scupper out to the beach to pee, and I hope they didn’t really wait through everyone’s breakfast to do that. I bet poor Scupper keeps a journal of his murderous thoughts.
Ben and Kate have already gone back to joke-fighting and all is well, because this is what they do. I think it was a good call that they decided not to date.
Kelley and Nico go through the three thousand steps it takes to set up the giant in-water mesh pool with floating sides so the guests can swim with no critters. Oh, this is stupid. It’s essentially a way to be in seawater without risking experiencing nature in any way. The guests use it for about 5 minutes and then, as Kelley says, they realize that they look like babies and come out.
Kelley is delighted that he got to spend a big chunk of his day helping the guests have that meaningful experience.
Kate gives Scupper’s tux to Sierra to press. People. Don’t make your dog wear a tux. Don’t make your pets wear Halloween costumes or hats or tuxes or fucking deelyboppers. They do not understand the significance; they just know that somehow their dignity is being, if I may borrow a phrase, undermined.
This is going straight into Scupper’s murder journal.
There is another seafood dinner and the guests are happy. Presumably Kate and Ben worked out whether to call it dinner via their lawyers and dueling seconds.
Kelley’s sister Amy calls him. She’s on another boat with the captain she’s dating. In a show-choreographed way, she asks Kelley about everyone. Kelley recaps and she laughs over the image of three dudes in a hot tub arguing about a tattoo. Kelley appreciates the perspective.
The guests say poodles used to dive for lobster. Scupper suggests that they take tuxedos off the table, and then they can talk. Ben says that dinner goes well when Kate’s not being a mega-bitch. It also helps when Ben’s not being a twatwaffle, but he doesn’t mention that. Late at night, Kate texts her girlfriend and says Ben is a dick.
Also late at night (See how the guests stay up like that?), Emily brings shots to the guests in the hot tub. Trevor invites himself to drink one of the shots with them, which is HUGELY bad form.
You just don’t do that. He shouldn’t be drinking if he’s on charter and he definitely shouldn’t be drinking in front of the guests and sure as hell shouldn’t be horning in on drinking with the guests. And Trevor, the deeply and widely experienced Trevor, knows all of this. The multiverse of quantum jerkery collapses and we can rest easy in the certainty that Trevor is just an asshole. He asks what one shot is going to do to him when he is so manly and can drink a whole bottle? Ugh. Emily knows Trevor shouldn’t be doing this at all, but she won’t rat him out.
Last day of the charter! Kate occupies Scupper as the guests eat. The guests seem happy as they pack up and head out. Captain Lee worms into my heart a little bit by ruffling Scupper’s ears.
Nico, referring to Trevor as “Old Maid,” calls Lauren’s attention to him. Trevor is sitting and smoking (of course he smokes) on the dock doing nothing while the others are working.
I have a lot of questions for Trevor’s parents at this point.
Lee calls a staff meeting to go over the charter. He says it was only OK. Lee wants better communication among the staff, by which he means no more screaming at each other about what dinner is in front of the guests. Ben pulls a HemiTrevor and interview-bitches about how Lee is critiquing his performance instead of praising him. Kate thinks Ben deserves more scolding.
The crew works to clean up the boat while they plan the night. Lauren and Nico say it’s their one-week anniversary. Aw, those two. The stews do crazy boobalicious yoga on deck.
Kelley sees the in-house TV feed of this and quietly turns into a cartoon wolf with hearts for pupils. Kelley reminds us that it’s been five months since he’s gotten any.
The crew primps for another ill-advised night out together. It’s so terrible that the show makes them do this, though of course it’s clear why. Trevor attempts drink-related innuendo about making the martinis filthy and hard. Oof.
Trevor chugs a drink – it can’t be his first – and says he could style Kate’s hair phenomenally. Everyone takes a moment to let this sink in, and Trevor keeps digging, telling everyone he was a hair model and he’s still in Paul Mitchell catalogs and he’ll show them some of his model pictures. The crew goes to play on some giant swings so they can stop having this conversation and Trevor brings more drinks. It’s not clear whether he’s thinking he’s making friends or if he thinks he’s hitting on someone and getting somewhere. He talks about “shredding” someone, I think one of the girls, and falls off his own swing.
Trevor slurs his words to the point where the captioner gives up. Is he flirting? Is he saying he’s going to fuck one of women? Is he explaining the fine points of hair tousling?
I must say, the editors really have the formula down now: Work, guests, tension, work, guests leave, and then spend the last seven minutes with Trevor being drunk and inappropriate.
It’s interesting that they haven’t had terribly difficult guests so far. I think the producers knew that Ben and Kate were gold and Trevor was platinum and diamonds and they didn’t need to muck that up.
Kelley, taking a swing, asks Emily how long she’s been single and says she’s attractive and could certainly find a guy. Emily knows what’s up. She interviews that Kelley is cute, but she likes to get to know people before getting involved. She has her head down tight, that Emily.
Ben interviews that Trevor is a tosser when he’s drunk, which is only incorrect in the sense that “when he’s drunk” is unnecessarily specific. Trevor has not fully understood the Ben-Kate dynamic and calls Kate a bitch, possibly under the impression that he’s flirting. Kate says Trevor is a dick. Ben jumps in and says he’s the only one allowed to call Kate a bitch and does not like Trevor speaking to her that way. Drunk Ben is correct: He and Kate have been through friendship and work and hookups and have an established dynamic. Trevor hasn’t earned this. Plus he is indeed a tosser.
Way-Too-Drunk Trevor says he fucking loves Ben and Ben is crazy and he does not care what Ben says about him and he does not give a fuck about Ben. Oh, dear. He says “Look at me in my eyes” and is trying to start a fight but is way too drunk to complete the sentence. Ben sits up on his swing, looks Trevor in the eyes and says “You know what? You’re done with that.” And just as we’re primed to see Ben pull out Trevor’s spleen and prep it for Scupper, the episode ends.
Next week it’s a group of “entrepreneurs.” So it looks like we’re letting that laid-back guest thing go. One has no gluten, no meat, no dairy requirements and also they want a 12-course meal. Sierra offers to cook something and it does not go well. Something goes wrong with the hot tub that involves a LOT of water leaking and it looks like Trevor’s ass is getting fired.
Yeah, we want to be here for that. See you then.